Consent needs to be clear, definitive, and intentional. It doesn't need to be enthusiastic. A contested view, I dare say. However, requiring consent to be enthusiastic does a disservice to a lot of people, not to mention that enthusiasm can look different on different people.
A person on my Facebook said something to the effect of, paraphrasing: “We live in a world of enthusiastic consent now.”
No. No we don’t. I believe we should live in a world of consent, for sure, but in reality we do not. To tell other people otherwise is to not only mislead them, but also diminish their capacity for informed consent and informed risk assessment.
A quick Google search will give you articles and books on “how to get past no,” “how to get to yes.” and so on. From sales people to health care workers, employees of all types are trained to push past someone’s “no”. This is reality and trying to sweep it under the rug leaves more people vulnerable than it helps. We can, we must hold both reality and our goal for reality in our minds at the same time and plan accordingly.
Requiring consent to be enthusiastic may put unnecessary limitations on those who are neurodivergent, have cultural differences, or are not exactly the ‘enthusiastic’ type. Some people simply cannot or will not express enthusiasm in a stereotypically socio normative way and it doesn't seem fair to gatekeep them because of it.
Or perhaps my partner has a mighty need to have sex with me but I’m not in the mood. However, I love my partner and I want to satisfy their need. My consent will be clear, but it’s not really going to be enthusiastic. I still want to have sex - just not at the I-just-snorted-two-pixie-styx-one-in-each-nostral-jumping-up-and-down-fuck-me-fuck-me-now kind of intensity level.
Epic levels of enthusiasm are not needed for clear, definitive, and intentions consent. And, while it can be fun, you don’t need to be over the top enthusiastic to have consensual sex.
How enthusiastically do you consent to sex? Share in the comments if you desire.
If you want to learn more about consent and how to enforce your boundaries check out my event listing here on TheCage.co!
