A Recovering Pick-me

rosethorn​(sub female) - Its interesting you see her comments as mean but when you say it's because of your daughter, so its not your fault, its a 'joke', it's possible she was joking with you or she could see you as being mean by pushing it on her.

Im sorry your not in the best of situations and mood isn't great. It can make things tough.

Something that helps me is just trying to be healthy in general rather than going off of weight. Muscle is heavier than fat so you can tone up and actually be the same weight.

You have the control and ability here, it's up to you and belief in yourself is hard sometimes. If you want to do it you can. If you want to loose weight you can. If you want to feel good about your body you can. Its all possible (Loosing weight and feeling good isn't always the same thing).

I try to make sure i get things i need through food (this has been challenging recently) as im trying to eat meat again and i hate it. A good place to start is there are over 30 different names for sugar, a lot of it is addictive and in things you would never imagine like pasta sauce with high levels of salt so you don't taste the sugar. This is where it's a challenge and just knowing what some of the names of sugar are can help.

Im not trying to be harsh but say it's up to you and that means it's possible which is awesome xxxx

rosethorn​(sub female) - Hopefully this helps, its almost 4am here but i do hope you feel attractive in whatever way that means to you. You know yourself better than anyone, its not always about loosing weight xx

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} - Honestly it is a constant uphill battle. I had the WORST self image growing up, little comments that shouldnt mean anything dig deep and linger. However as an adult I had an epiphany when someone gave me some advice about how to dress. It wasnt so much what to or not to wear but it was about how you present yourself to the world. He said "When you leave your house, you should dress like you could run into your favorite celebrity."

It was like I was hit with a brick, it made so much sense to me and I kind of took that and ran. I started slowly buying cloths that I genuinely wanted to wear but that suited my body shape, weird things that looked awful on a hanger at times or things that just made me happy, and the happier I was with my style and how I looked, the happier I was with Me. I could not believe how much different well fitting flattering clothing helped.

I still struggle though, some days I'm very down about it and on myself but I STILL pick something nice to wear even if I know I'm just going to sit at the bosses house and see nobody all day because it's a nice confidance boost to see myself in the mirror and know that if someone sees me while they drive or walk past, I look Damn good big girl or not. I get a lot of compliments too and I pass them back as often as possible.

Additionally once I started feeling better I started to lose weight because I wanted to go do things. Just adding a little more activity and keeping track of what I'm eating (not restricting myself but giving myself limits and boundaries) has helped me. Everyone is different so who knows where you will find your inspiration but it's out there, sometimes in unlikely places.

rosethorn​(sub female) - That's a really good idea with the clothes. I realised recently that mass manufacturing clothes means they aren't really designed for women. I know that sounds odd but we have sort of forgotten how to dress for us rather trying to get us to fit into models clothes. The woman in mad men is beautifully dressed women but she is dressed for her shape as a woman.

rosethorn​(sub female) - I bought some 1950s style skirts omg they are so comfy but look good

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} - that is EXACTLY the point, I've never been much for mainstream, growing up poor gave me an appreciation for weird cloths nobody else had and I used that as inspiration. It doesn't hurt that plus sized fashion is totally on the rise so more and more things are made in our sizes too and if I cant find exactly what I want, I will research that type of look and figure out how to make it work for me. A scarf here, jewelry or layers or what have you i treat my clothing like its modular so my outfits are never exactly the same. For anyone trying, just find what you like then take it and run, its so worth it. Also don't be afraid to look at weird places, little boutique shops (even when you think 'ugh they never carry crazy sizes - but hey there's this little purse that makes me think of THIS shirt I have and if I had a skirt that did THIS then I could...' ) weird consignment stores, etsy, even amazon, there is tons of stuff out there. I even wear my wrist cuffs with one outfit, nobody needs to know its some of my hardcore bondage gear.

rosethorn​(sub female) - Whoever invented low rise jeans in the 90s was just
...... evils.
All you had to do was sit down and even stick thin girls backsides where on show, because women have hips. A lot of clothes aren't designed for women, even if your slim you have hips and boobs. T shirts are practically flat with no boob room.
I can't tell you how much more comfy clothes are from 1950s there are some good recreation places that make new vintage.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} - lol agreed I wear a lot of old school retro clothing because I love dresses and swing style dresses are the BEST (most have pockets too and that's more than most of my jeans can say high rise or not) though I have been adding some sleeker maxi's this year and I've embraced a sporty look too. thankfully style is fluid enough that we can constantly evolve and play with it.

rosethorn​(sub female) - Skirts with pockets..... 🥰.
Jean pockets suck too.

CSI - This is a great way to think. I try to dress where I feel happy, confident, and positive. Even in my underwear choices. When I feel better about myself, I want to take better care of myself. I try to do at least a little bit of activity every day. Motto is "move more days than not". There isn't a defined period of time though. It works for me

GiyuuSimp​(switch female) - All these suggestions are great and wonderful and helpful. The clothes thing sounds great. I feel like your guys' situation seems different than mine. I don't have body positive people in my life because I don't have friends because of my controlled/unhealthy relationship. Going through your comments, for me, I feel like the lack of community is a very big problem and it's affecting me greatly.

Richlydefined​(sub female){Gardener} - Body positivity is a big thing right now. Being big isn't a crime, and it's certainly not a definition of you, it's just a piece of you that makes up the whole and I gaurentee there is a whole lot more to you than just your body.

rosethorn​(sub female) - Confidence is a big barrier for a lot of people, it can put you off thinking you can't do something when you can. Even making your appearance to make you happy is a good place to start because it can give you the confidence in other areas. Like the lady a few points above mentioned that as she felt better she actually lost some weight because she wanted to go out and do more because she felt more confident. It's difficult without the confidence.

I wonder if skinny guys feel this way sometimes about going to the gym trying to do weights