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A-Z poetry and thoughts

Just a blog I'm creating to post some poems and thoughts.
6 months ago. Feb 9, 2020, 10:39 PM

I have 3 wonderful sisters and 1 baby brother (he's an adult but he's still my baby brother). I love them all to death but there's one sister in particular that tells me often that she can't do certain things because of the way her partner will react. This is where I'm going to start my fucking rant and be warned, I'm about to get reeeall sailor mouthed on this post.

A little backround, I was in two very abusive relationships. 9 years total of abuse. I know about abuse.


 There is a fucking difference between fucking bdsm and consent and plain out disrespectful disregard for your boundaries and limits. That also goes for vanilla relationships. There are many forms of abuse. Firstly he manipulates her and guilts her into doing things she doesn't want to do or into not doing things she wants to do. When you are TOO AFRAID to say NO or ANYTHING to your partner because of how he'll react that's ABUSE. Let me give you an example. Billybobjoebob wants you to suck his dick and you are quite frankly not in the head space to give head. But if you say no Billybobjoebob is going to say no to giving you a ride to work as revenge for not sucking his dick so now you feel like your only choice is to say yes. You know this because he's done it before. If he can't accept no without later punishing you for it he's taking advantage of your vulnerability. That's not how being a partner works. Bdsm or otherwise. A true good Dom and partner who gives a shit about you and your well being will respect your boundaries and won't push the limits without your consent! And fear is not a consent. Unless fear is your kink. But that's a different conversation. Now let's go to guilt. When my sister wants to go on a girls night out with me he guilts her by saying "Did you forget you're a mother or do you just not care about our kids" FIRST AND FOREMOST MOTHERFUCKER she is still a human fucking being and you get to go out as you please whenever you want as often as you want. From a bdsm standpoint let's say you don't want to have a threesome, let's say you don't want to have sex, let's say you don't want to play today but he or she guilts you into it by telling you you're being a bad pet/slave/sub/girl/boy and you don't respect him or her as your Dom and that must mean you don't love him or her. IF THEY CAN NOT RESPECT THAT YOU MAY OCCASIONALLY NEED A FUCKING MINUTE TO RECOVER FROM THE SHIT GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE WITHOUT ADDING ONTO IT IT'S ABUSE.

 

Now the more obvious abuse is physical abuse correct? My sister's husband/partner has yanked her around a few times. He's much larger than her. But she refuses to acknowledge it as abuse because he "only did it a few times" and "he hasn't done it again since then". Lemme tell you something. I have been physically abused. I'm ok with talking about it. He was 6'2 and I'm 4'11. 75%of the time he was just throwing me around like a rag doll. He left grab marks on my neck, arms, legs.. Everywhere he could. But then after a while the throwing around became more. Even if it hadn't become more it was already abuse. I endured that for 9 years total.

 

I talk about this because I didn't know. For a long time I didn't know I was being abused. I didn't realize how scared I was of this person that I loved. I didn't know until I left and started having nightmares about them holding me hostage. And she doesn't know either. I talk about this because.. it hurts to think no one is talking about it. No one brings it up. It's such a taboo subject and considering many would consider this a taboo place I figured why not post this here. When you're doing things or saying yes or being punished and you're uncomfortable about it and they won't have a conversation with you about it or won't respect your boundaries. When you give consent out of fear or guilt you're not giving consent. When they can't be wrong even when they are wrong. They do not care about you. They care about what you do for them. Don't get me wrong I am very self serving. But not at the expense of the people I give a shit about. I would never ask more of my partner than they are willing or comfortable giving. Thankfully I was able to get out and I can recognize the signs in others now. I am lucky to have my boundaries respected and to be able to voice my opinion so loudly as I often do. But just because I'm not going through it now doesn't mean I'm going to stop fighting for those who are

dollMaker​(dom male){SaViDa} - Its so sad 😞 so many, who should be having enthusiastic consent based fun, safe fun are not, instead being abused. Physical abuse, mental abuse and emotional abuse. It is talked about here, and there are those of us who do speak about it often, and hypocrites do too, those who supported and were spokes people for abusers.

My sub Savida was abused on here, her abuser now banned but those who were cheer leaders, enablers and victim shamers for that individual are still here. That’s why Savida isn’t. There were people who also didn’t want to know, got tired of hearing Savida talk about it and those who don’t do drama, who as long as all is well in their garden don’t want to hear about the bad in others.

Maybe if she had got more support she would still be here.

Many others have left silently, victims of others and that one.

Every decent person on here should not be silent, should not let abusers get away with it, or find succour. Stand up, speak out, report abusers and support victims.

Thank you for your blog, thank you for sharing. This needs spoken about more, as sadly its a very real dark underbelly to the fun that bdsm can be and should be.
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - I feel so strongly about it. It brings tears to my eyes and anger. Real genuine anger to my heart. The fact that people don't speak up when they see it. Those are the kind of people that will walk past a man or woman beating there partner up relentlessly on the street and walk right by them. It's the kind that would rather sweep it under the rug than talk about it. There is no such thing as being neutral. If you see it and allow it to happen and pretend it's none existent you're part of the problem. (Not you, people in general) I am so sorry she went through that. I can only imagine how she felt at the time
6 months ago
dollMaker​(dom male){SaViDa} - It has been a long slow walk, things are better now. Those who grew tired and fed up at what Savida said about it, felt about it know who they are as do I. More love and patience and support would have gone a long way. Not feeling valued is very hard, particularly when piled upon what had happened.
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - If you can tell her for me, I have a massive hug for her and she has a friend here if she ever chooses to return
6 months ago
dollMaker​(dom male){SaViDa} - Thank you, I will
6 months ago
Wandarae - Ok I don’t usually as you say get involved. It’s not that I don’t care because I do I soooo care. I live in abuse mental emotional and physical for 21 years. I am not a little woman I am 5 8 and overweight. I was told I was fat stupid and ugly I believed him I still believe him to this day. Those thoughts are never going to leave me at I don’t think they will I try to push them to the back but they come up even if I don’t want them to. I tried leaving I tried calling the police. But when they got there they would just talk to my ex about what the plans were for the weekend. My mother told me I need to leave the state rewrite my name or die it was the only way I was ever going to get out. She wasn’t lying I woke in the hospital on a accidental overdose. A few police were at my bed reminding me I didn’t remember anything which is really ok because I don’t. Well I do have a few but nothing that’s important I don’t think. These were the same nice officers that reminded me I had four other children to watch out for after one of my sons was raped at a police activity league events. It’s not right and people think your crazy this stuff is not real and that your making it up. Socially it’s not ok for the abused to talk about it.

I learned quick that if I went fetal position and tucked my head I could hide the bruises. And I could also protect my pregnant belly my unborn child from his blows.

I am an uneducated woman and I stayed so I could do the best I could for my children they know some of what I went through not all. And I always had to take the beatings for them when they were little.

These women that take this are not weak they are dumb they love with everything they have they love unconditionally with all their hearts they can and will endure what they have to, to survive and take care of their children.

I was able to move out of state after he burned my apartment and my car.

My divorce was a joke my attorney turned out to be a friend of his and they would go to dinner and discuss our divorce over drinks.

Love your sister and let her talk help her go to school. It’s so amazing when us stupid people get our first A or we get asked out even though we are ugly and fat. Even if we don’t go out it’s amazing to be asked. It’s a huge self esteem booster.

singed sooooo never leaving my house except to go to work.
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - My sister has a degree. She is not uneducated and you are not dumb. I don't believe women who stay are weak or dumb. I was a victim of abuse and I was only able to get away by recording everything that happened to me. By allowing him to abuse me so that I could have proof because the police didn't believe me. I know what it feels like being there. Thinking that the only way out was to kill myself before he could kill me. I want the people aware of the abuse happening to be there for the victim. And the victim to recognize that being treated like that isn't normal and isn't ok. Like I wrote, I thought being treated like that was normal. I thought I deserved it. And no one does. That is the point to this post.
6 months ago
LongerJohnny​(dom male) - Muffin, you are strong and beautiful and amazing and worthy of everything, including all the respect in the world. No one could ask for a better friend or mom or a person. For all of the things you are, I'm grateful and fortunate that you are my Person. Really really. 😉😘🤗
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - I am grateful for you. Letting me rant and cry and fuss to my hearts content 😜
6 months ago
Wandarae - I know you know silly but others reading might not. And yes I am dumb I’m as dumb as they come. Trust me On this one.

I wish I was stronger I wish I was prettier and thinner and could go out in social settings. I see people going out and I want to join in but I won’t because I’m to afraid I will attract another just like my ex.

I’m so sorry if I made you feel bad with what I wrote. I never ever wanted to do that or upset anyone.

Please except my apologies. I truly mean my apology. Once again why I need to shut up and stay in my own world. I don’t say things right ever.
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - Oh no sweetie no. I thought I had made you feel like I was trying to blame the victim. Darling, you are by far one of the smartest people I've met. Just by the way you write alone I can tell. You're smarter than you think and you are a kind kind person and in all honesty kindness counts so much more than education if you ask me ❤
6 months ago
Wandarae - Thank you. But it’s safer being by myself.
6 months ago
shadownaughty​(sub female) - Wow thanks , for sharing.
You are one brave woman and no woman deserves abuse in anyway shape or form. Thank you once again for sharing ,this one powerful writing.
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - Thank you very much, though I did it honestly trying to protect someone I suppose I hadn't really realized I was sharing something so personal. I am grateful for your comment
6 months ago
Angel Wings​(sub female) - I'm sorry I couldn't read your blog. I have acid burn scars that I carry daily due to abuse that is always a reminder. I appreciate and support strong brave woman that.can move forward and help others too along the way. ❤
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - I'm so sorry. I should have put a trigger warning. I had no intention of bringing those memories up for you. You are strong. And I'm happy you are here. I'm happy to know someone who is strong like you.
6 months ago
Angel Wings​(sub female) - Oh no I didn't need a trigger warning at all. I just couldn't read of someone else's abuse. Us strong woman will continue to move forward. Peace and hugs. ❤
6 months ago
shadownaughty​(sub female) - You are welcome! Your writing is very powerful and inspiring.

I went through 6 years of emotional abuse and some physical. I can tell you that it took me forever to be brave to leave and be free. I have people protecting me, but it was up to me to get brave enough to say I am done and pack up and leave with my child.

So I really do love that you shared this personal story and powerful writing with us. It let's us know that we are not alone in any thing, that there are other woman and men out with the same problem, whether it is protecting or trying to get out of abuse relationships .

So yes thank you for sharing you are an inspiration to all of us out there fighting abuse.
6 months ago
Garm - Around 30 years of emotional abuse at home.
May I link to this post from one of my own?
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - Yes you absolutely may
6 months ago
Garm - Thanks.
6 months ago
subbieoo​(sub male){Yes, check} - Move on quickly. Find a local shelter/ friend/ legal aide can help. This is not the time to be a doormat. Get moving for you and your family.
6 months ago
KinkyLittleMommyAce​(switch female){Daddy's Ki} - Thank you for talking about this, especially the psychological part of it. My first boyfriend was very psychologically abusive even though we were only 15. I dont usually talk about it because sometimes I feel like I have no room to complain because we were young, it wasn't physical, and it was only 8 months, and he did some sweet things for me that I remember occasionally that make me smile. But it was still abuse.
Thank you for sharing your advice and experiences 💕
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - I hate the concept of "if he didn't touch you he didn't abuse you" the effects that are left after a mentally abussive relationship are still there. It stil hurts. Just differently
6 months ago
Curlyniccia{Protected} - I am a survivor of childhood abuse. I find people don't talk about abuse of any sort. They feel embarrassed, that they should have spoken up, that they somehow deserved it, that they allowed it to happen. Any person that hurts another on purpose - no reason is ever valid.
We need to out the secret.
Bring it into the open.
Because that is where abusers hide.
Hats off to you for telling your story. You are one brave person.
Massive hugs ❤
6 months ago
Garm - This, this, all the way *this.*
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - Thank you !
6 months ago
BeeGee​(sub female) - And I honestly couldn't agree more
6 months ago
Dellydoodah​(sub female) - a great post! thank you
5 months ago

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