I have always had a difficult time accepting love. Sir tries so hard to help me feel loved and understood. I have a difficult time truly emersing myself and allowing myself to be who I truly am. Sir said he had a dream about me, where we were playing and I had a smile on my face even as I was tied up and completely helpless. Ever since he told me I have been questioning myself. I want so badly to be his perfect submissive.
I feel that I am holding myslef back, for fear of what accepting myslef means. Maybe I'm not ready to risk getting hurt. I know how badly it would hurt if Sir were ever to leave me. I don't like the idea that someone exisits that could hurt me that badly. I learned a long time ago not to take those kinds of risks. Here I am, afraid and paralyzed by it.