hi :)
As I was a newbie not so long ago, I wanted to say a quick reminder for submissives, more specifically, new ones to thecage or perhaps the lifestyle. While I'm no authority in the space, I can confidently say that any "Dom" that approaches you immediately with explicitly and overtly sexual conversation should be avoided at all costs. Perhaps this is a redundant topic, but I believe it's a worthwhile one as I see more wonderful and enthusiastic subs joining the cage every day...which is so exciting!
I am aware that being in online BDSM communities can feel a bit daunting at first. As a submissive newbie, there may be an internal pressure to want to be impressive, avoid any missteps, or see the self-appointed honorific "Dom" and immediately feel as if you have to behave with a certain placement (or at least I felt so when I first began). I can assure you that the right Dominant will be looking for what they're looking for within you without pressuring you into a nonagreed-upon and untoward engagement. While it's sadly more normative to receive such messages, it is not normative within the legitimate BDSM structure, one that is highly based on foundational respect and consent for all.
Initial conversations in D/s are just the same as all conversations. If you would not appreciate someone approaching you in real life and the first thing they said to you was aggressively sexual, then the same rules apply here. Just because someone claims to be in a Dominant role does not mean you have to offer anything. If someone is looking to take something from you without seeking your consent and agreement, that is unacceptable.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual is what we are all about. That is who we are.
As a submissive, you are equally deserving of respect and consideration. You are a person, after all. If you are not within a dynamic, you don't have to do a single thing except have conversations as you would with anyone else, if you even want to engage in the first place. You don't, and should not, call anyone anything, submit to one-sided sexual behavior, power play, or be a pawn in anyone's online fantasy. In truth, you don't even have to respond to anyone.
A word of caution- thecage is a truly wonderful place. I love being here. It is full of incredible people who care a lot about BDSM and its community and have upheld it for varying degrees of time. However, not everyone on here has your best interest in mind or is who they present to be, just like in life. While many of us would love to be the lamb in the lion's den, make sure you're looking out for yourself with clarity and awareness. <3
If you're having any trouble, message thecage's moderators! They're always around to help.
Also, if anyone has any thoughts, corrections, or admissions, feel free to comment. As I said, there are those who know far more than I.
Until later
-C
