My true experiences

I know the reasoning behind me being turned on by me being the way I am...why I crave punishment...why I need to rally against the norm.... going against the grain feels oh soooooo good...it always starts off as a small flicker of fire and as time passes and I build that fire into an inferno of misbehaving, disrespecting and just plain fighting for the upper hand...for that control....I only do it with certain people...the ones who know how to handle my internal fire....and can nurture and keep my fire ablaze...it's definitely not easy finding those types and as my phone rings I know he is not one of them....he's gotten burned by the fire that rages inside of me and he has no idea how to control it...or me....but he did try and now I know I'm out of his good graces... there's that all too familiar tone in the messages he leaves me....and as I listen to him TRY and berate me and TRY to break me a smile breaks across my lips.....bc it's been so much fun taking him out of his comfort zone.... watching his eyes alight with anger bc of the way I talk or act towards him... disobedience will not be tolerated with this one.....but I push that envelope anyways...I always do.... against the grain, remember? He thought he could handle me and put me in my place but in the end...in the end I was the one who broke him in....I was the one to take and keep his control....in the end I've got to start from the beginning. I'll be hoping the next one will take it....and crave it...need it.....want it.....start an inferno with me while we stand in the flames.