Priest of Sanguine

Good morning Kinksters, freaks, sex addicts & vanilla inquisitors.  This will be a three part series that speaks about Cause & Effect on a general overall.  

Specifically we'll be looking at the effects & the general cause of jealousy on both sides.  Before we delve into this rather painful topic wherein my "fuck off, don't give a shit" usually kicks in... go grab something to drink. A bite to nibble.  Make yourself comfortable and Que up some light hearted music.  This blog is a novel ?

Because its applicable:

?? yeah I do like that song, despite its age. Still factual though.

For almost every action there is a reaction.  This isn't physics, so it's not always going to be an equality to the reaction.  Also, just like physics, if you understand the reaction, you can do a proactive approach to either neutralize or minimize (or predict with 90% accuracy) the reaction.

If you are in a monogamous relationship and never talk to the opposite sex, ever!!  Then you are being unrealistic in your head and you need more help than I can provide. ? For the rest of you mono e'mono jealousy is likely to pop its head up right at the most vulnerable moments.  The easy proactive approach is do not permit vulnerable moments, but again if that was so easy, this blog would end now.  Hence when the offended are saying "Just don't do that" I'm like, um... "Fuck you. Get over yourself."  Ouch! Harsh reaction!  No wonder I have such struggles with keeping a mate, yeah? ??  Well here's the simple fact.  When it comes to jealousy I see it for what it truly is.  Insecurity in ones own self, suspicion being given form without genuine cause, negative manipulation, isolationism and in some cases.. guilty conscious or a mix of any of the above.

When I left my wife, I moved out to get away from a toxic relationship and went to move in with a female friend.  When I moved in, that was all it was for around four months and then it evolved into friends with benefits and in time a full blown relationship.  She was vastly younger than I, being the age of 18 when I moved in with her.  Over the next couple years we had a blast!  The relationship had its limitations though on both her and my side... we both had male and female friends, we both gamed on the same games and many of our friends were joint also.  Her limitations for me was that I bring nobody home without her consent and if I desired more than just 1 on 1, she'd consider it because the sex was fantastic and she was bi also.  My limitations for her was to not snoop through my stuff.  If she wanted knowledge, just ask and I'd unlock my PC, Phone, open my room to her. I don't ever feel the need to hide what I'm doing unless i'm trying to set up a wonderful surprise for you.  Close to the end of a three year run wherein we had some up's and downs, but the vast majority of the time was with joy, sex, PC gaming and stimulating conversation... something changed.  She started hiding away some, which she justified with just needing "me time" more and during her cycle she'd hurt so she'd lock herself in her room.   Me being me, I felt something was wrong and wasn't sure what it was so I just ignored it and let her have some time to work it out.  She then started gaming at different times, no longer wanting to team up and I'd figured she'd been flirting with somebody in game and it was getting more involved.  I don't mind, I'm Polyamorous so to me I just smiled and let her have her secret.  At least now I knew what was going on now.  She and another guild mate would always be on at the same time, be in the same locations, doing the same event and I could hear her giggling to the flirtation when I went by her room to "see a man about a walibe" ?  Our sex life took only the slightest of hits, she didn't ignore me when we was together but when I started flirting with another female... OOOO SHIT!  Talk about double standards, sweet mother of pearl she was riddled with them and for the most part I didn't care because they really didn't effect me, but this... This effects me:  I confront her on her accusations and remind her that our agreement defined that I would not bring another home without her consent and that in all the years I'd never once done so. I remind her that I didn't set such limits on her and that she was free to explore all she wished and that I even was thrilled to find out the dude she was spending all her time with was closer to her age. After calmly talking for about an hour, cuddling on the couch and doing some "play time" we went to bed together wherein I held her all night and woke to a kiss before going off to work.  To me.. the issue was resolved and it was a good thing.. NOPE!  Like lighting the fuse to dynamite.  By the time I got home, passive aggressive had set up and every day from that point for the next three months was nothing but ice cold hate, arguments, and me being a sadistic fuck. I knew how to tormentor her till she struggled to sleep.  Beast and I LOVED IT!  Not just a little either, I thrilled to wake the next day, knowing what I and Beast had planned to make her life living hell.. but.. we had one condition.  Say nothing, do nothing to start the argument.  If she started the fight, he was free to play within the confines of no physical harm unless physically attacked. No breaking shit, and lastly... no idle threats.  Do or Do Not.  Needless to say by the end of the three months she ran out the door screaming and only came back after I went to work, to gather her stuff and move out. ??

One year later she contacted me via in game.  Apologized for her part of what happened and confessed a few things.  I also apologized for my treatment of her and after about two hours of typing she called me and we had a great chat.

1) She was flirting with the other boy because she thought I was already flirting with another woman in game and she was doing it to upset me.

2) Her whole motive to all the fighting was to force me to run her off because she couldn't just leave me... I treated her too well.  Made her feel like there was nothing that I wouldn't do to keep her safe, sexually happy, mentally sound.  She couldn't handle me offering that to somebody else.

Jealousy is viscous in it's irrationality... It'll make you forget everything that your partner means to you, focus only on you without thoughts of how it will effect your partner or the real damage it can do the relationship or mental security.

Hurting people, Hurt people.  The more she hurt over my imaginary "whore" the more she tried to hurt me.  Succeeding only made me hurt, shut down inside, turn cold and I'd had enough of that from the ex wife so she got the worst of me.. in spades.  The sad part to this whole thing: She could have just asked.  I could have just followed my intuition and removed the doubt.  How simple it is to keep a relationship alive but Jealousy genders anger, anger causes hurt and the end result is always the same... Destruction that last for years upon years.

Fast forward to the next major relationship which started almost immediately because um... I don't like being alone and Beast is a fantastic hunter of prey.

Like match to gasoline, the woman who would become my donor set our worlds on fire and I thought the 18yr old was a wild cat in the bedroom, PSH! Vanillaish life, meet Rocky Road with a kick of whiskey.... Holy hell, was she a spit fire from day one.  We fucked so hard and long that we started calling it sex feast (Insert year) ??  She would rip my back open, so hard I've actually got small chunks of tattoo missing but what she gave, she received with gleeful pleasure.  In the first two months we both lost close to 25 lbs from nothing more then sex and eating in between.. or during.. if at all... She was the first woman I'd ever known to endure so much for so long that when we finished and had to take a few days for body mending, I could hear her almost cry to pee..."it's like glass coming out."  My cock wasn't much better off... I had no clue you can bruise your shaft but apparently, with enough intentional bad angles, biting, nails and I think at one point she smacked it so hard I almost pissed on her... but to say I was in love was no where around the right wording.  She was ravaging, sexy as fuck, DD breast, hips and ass that would give a Nun a clitoral erection with an hour glass form despite her 250+lbs.  Her weight gave Beast more freedom though what he did was hell on my body. ??? Within two months she moved in, fast forward through all the PC gaming, sex, fun, joy, happiness and extremely little disagreements wherein we would agree to disagree.

10 months in, she owns my heart... I'd never felt so free and desired as I did with her.  There was little that we didn't do together and as a reward I wanted to give her something she'd never had.  I set up a Haunted Hotel trip on the fringes of a lake during the fall so the fog would roll in... She LOVED haunted stuff, graveyards and such.  Close to $1,000 in a week long reservation plus food and events... it was set!  The catch?  She knew we was going somewhere, but not the location.  OMG we both was so stoked for the trip that the night before was deep intimacy mixed into our fangs and claws sexual bliss.  Day of, one hour before... bags packed, car ready, just double checking banking account, reservations, credit cards, etc for the upteenth time (I'm anal like that)... She walks into the game room, placing her hand on her hip and dead pan ask: "Who is she?"
"Huh?"

"The whore you're fucking?"

I start to laugh and finish closing out computer, "You are my whore." while smiling ear to ear

"Fuck you, son of a bitch! I wanna know who the fuck the slut is!" She storms towards me and at this point i'm completely confused and wondering if she's doing a fucked up role play but this.. isn't funny.  Its not till she stabs me with her nails in the challenging poke that I realize she's totally serious... my gut drops out... like.. wtf?!  Instantly I stand toe to toe with her, reminding her of everything I do for her.  How I treat her, How I tell and show her every day how much I love her.  How having somebody else wasn't even rational seeing as I worked, come home to her, she'd go to work at 10p at night, I'd take her lunch at 1a and get in bed around 2:30a.. up for work by 5:30a... WHEN would I even have the time!?  30 - 45 minutes of arguing with me trying my damnedest to rationalize with irrationality... This hurt was heart crushing, enraging and her next jab was met with Beast catching her hand and forcing her to her knees with her wrist bent to the point of snapping.  Pulling him back, I let her go and stormed out of the room, smashing the wall on the way to the bedroom.  She didn't follow. Time to leave comes and I stop at the game room where she still sits afraid Beast was going to come back for her and point to the car. "You coming?  I'm leaving with or without your ass." She gets up, and follows silently to the car.

I'm still fuming some three hours into the ten hour trip.  "I'm sorry." she says. "I just wanted to know, her name." 

"What name? Should I make one up for you?" I can feel the ice forming inside.

"You don't understand.  Nobody treats me this nice unless they are fucking around on me." (self Insecurity)

"That's not my fault." trying not to punch her in the side of the fucking head as my hands shake on the wheel. "Should I apologize for treating you so fucking nicely then?" 

"You don't have to be an ass about it." (manipulation tactic 101, divert guilt.)

"Fuck you. I think I've earned the right to be pissed off." (Remember that hurting people statement... hold on tight.)

"Can't you just forgive me, and get over it already?" (manipulation tactic try #2, blame the target for bad behavior, aka guilt trip)

"How can you even think I was fucking around on you?"

Excuse upon excuse boils down to: "You said you're poly, so I know that you would fuck around and still treat me like a queen."

SERIOUSLY?!  "Soooo your excuse for tearing out my heart is based on fear rather than fact, expecting me to forgive and forget as though it never happened, your highness?  Go back to treating you like a queen without repercussions?"  I started laughing at this point... (keep holding on)

"Stop being a dick.  I said I'm sorry.  Why can't you just stop being pissy and love me."

"Stop.. being pissy, sure." Side glance "Soon as you suck it from my cock, I'll stop being pissy."

Fight number 2 ensues... imagine that.  ???  Fight stops about an hour after it started because I literally tell her to shut her fucking mouth or she can find a ride to where ever.  I'll pull over and drag her ass by the hair of the head and leave her there.  By this time of course, the whole thing is my fault.  I'm upset over nothing and being petty about it.  She did say she was sorry after all... 

We arrive at the hotel in total silence.  I drop her off at the door, because I'm a dumb ass who for some reason felt manners matter however she took it as a sign that I'm now ok.  PSH!  Not by a long shot.  I haul our luggage inside this rustic rundown, though slightly elegant but creepy as fuck hotel and she gasp in wonder.  Onto the elevator that was maintenanced sometime in the 80's... 1880's that is... and on up to the 3rd floor bedroom where a homicide was committed in the very bed of which we was staying (mattress may have been changed, but still.)  At this point, I could really give a fuck less about the trip and I would have canceled except the deadline had expired and I had to put 1/2 down to reserve the room... BUT... All I needed to do was shower and sleep it off.  It was actually soothing to be in that room... probably because it felt satisfying to know she had NO FUCKING CLUE about the haunted room. ?

After taking the shower, I felt pretty great... or at least in my head that's what I envisioned before "Why are you ruining this trip for us?" 

"Me? I haven't said a fucking word.  We just got here and I'm ruing the trip by... what?"

"Brooding." huffs "Being all in your head, giving me the silent treatment.  I said I'm sorry!"
"I agree."  Silence... ... ... ...

narrows her eyes as she realizes what I just said. "What's that suppose to mean?!"

Smirk "You are sorry. I agree... I am brooding. I agree." begins growling menacingly "But I'm by no means alone in my head.." jaw pops, neck twist, vertebra snaps one bone at a time along with the knuckles in my hands, my eyes close and I feel soooo much calm come over me.. I get an erection. When my eyes open, she see's Beast and freezes... starts to cry and stammer for words somewhere along "p p please"... drops to her knees and eeps out. "Don't kill me."

"You kill..." his voice deep and slithering  "I kill." He steps toward her and takes her by the chin.  "All die tonight." followed by a maniacal laugh... 
I'll spare you the details because Primal play has nothing on Beast.  Clothing torn from her body, flesh along with it, no care for damage done but no safety word spoken. She paid with her blood for the damage she'd done.  In the morning I knew I'd have to buy the sheets, clean the blood off the furniture and possible take her to the hospital. 

The next four years of on and off relationship with her, my heart never beat again. No empathy for her pain, no care for her burdens.  Sex. Feeding. Sharing a bed from time to time, she wanted nothing more nor does she to this day.  She has nobody but a bottle of Vodka that has almost killed her twice.  We still talk time to time and until Bunny, she'd come over to feed Beast, fuck and leave.  

Jealousy... it kills more than just the heart.  For some it destroys everything.

Is this what you see when you think of Jealousy?  Do you think it's "a bad thing but not that bad?" 

Wonder why that relationship just never recovered?  Nothing good comes from being Jealous.  It blinds one to the reality of their partner, undermines the trust that is so hard to build up to begin with.  It declares guilt without proof, all because of what?  Nobody can erase your past or help you get beyond its effects if you don't make a stand for yourself, against yourself and stop repeating the cycle of self loathing/insecurity.  Jealousy does not harm the Jealous person nearly as much as it does the one that the jealousy is being taken out on, and you call your Jealous ass a better person than somebody who is a sadist like me.
I know I'm a Sadist.  I don't hide it.  I forewarn any partner that I am, what I tend to do, how to help me see it's happening and how to detour the pain I'm about to inflict on them, onto something else.  
Does it work?  To take the time to be open with your partner.  Know yourself so well that you can train a partner to help you keep your shit from destroying the relationship? 

Fast foreword to this week (January 2021):  ^AngelBunny^ and I had a moment of not seeing eye to eye and my evolved reaction is to no longer allow anger to guide my tongue down a verbal lashing out in tormenting.  Instead, I take a deep breath and head from my PC to log in.  What I'm actually doing is brooding.  My mind is running 1000 miles a minute as I build up anger and then fight that irrational with rational.  I know my Bunny well enough to know that is a good slave.  She loves Beast and I, deeply.  She's not one to intentionally cause harm without being PIIISSED! (Yup, she can be fierce and its cute as fuck!) She has moments wherein she is centered on herself and can't see anything beyond what she wants, thus she doesn't always recognize that she's triggered something from my past that I'm still fighting (gaining victories, but still fighting) until its effects show up in my body language and her intuition kicks in to say something isn't right.  I encourage my Bunny to trust her intuition.  Even if its wrong, follow what you "Feel" carefully and probe delicately just in case the "read" was incorrect. (Don't start shit and there won't be shit, yeah?!)
Five minutes pass from when I log in and I'm brooding in full measure as I stare blank into the monitor, fighting what I know to be true against what I think to be true.  She gets up to go to the restroom, looking at me through the doorway of the bedroom before she goes to do her glittering into the magical porcelain stool.  (Girls don't pee, they glitter so shoosh!) I'm fully aware of what is going around me, as I saw her looking at me from my peripheral vision, and when she comes out of the restroom she does something strange... Something I can say that I've not remembered ever seeing happen in the 35yrs of my past memory.  She comes to me and kneels beside my chair to wait for me to acknowledge her... I let her wait as my desire to be spiteful is squelched by my willingness to take another chance on my Slave.
"Yes, Slave?"
"Can we talk" She ask humbly.
"What would you like to discuss, my slave?" Defused by her humility, my ramping up in brooding anger pauses.
"About what happened a few minutes ago."  She states softly with eyes searching mine as though she's waiting for my lash out.
From here we talk openly, every sentence that she speaks is without challenge. Every question is thought out and for me... this is what I've begged for from the time I first took vowels in a marriage.  She is using every tool that I've given her, in the methods that I've walked through in casual training on how to deal with my triggers.  By the time we finish having an open conversation about the issue, why she did what she did and what caused the triggers, and even why I have the triggers... something inside my chest hurts.  I felt like the Grinch as I sat there awed in wonder at this tiny lil thing that could strike me physically and make me laugh at how weak her body is... yet this warrior among slaves used her cunning, followed her heart and brought me a place I'm not use to being.  My chest weld up, that thing inside that I've kept in a cage of protection, pushed it's restraints and once again... for the hundredth time in the 8mo's we've been together... I take a chance on my slave and open my cage that she holds close to her breast.
NO, I didn't cry like at pussy ass Grinch does in the movie, but for me... This is a huge move of deeper trust than an emotional upheaval.
My slave is a ruthless warrior for my heart.  We both still have doubts that arise.  We both trigger.  We both open up and take huge risk on a phycological and emotional level.  Thus, I know that change comes when you learn to let go of the past and reach out for a better future.
Keep in mind:
Cause and effect, it's a chain of events, when all of its chaos makes perfect sense.  When your world spins around, things come undone.... well, welcome to earth, third rock from the sun.
We didn't get here at this point over night.  We've had bad moments and bumps in the road along the way.  We both are fighting against our past because we do not wish to be the person we once was.  We had to willingly make that choice on our own as individuals.  And here's the clincher... You don't know who that one is that you can love with all you are and trust everything to, until you take that chance.

Do it.
The pain of the past sucks, but there is healing and it starts with you.

*Somebody hand me my whip! this oshy goshy shit is getting too damn deep.*???

There is many sides to myself that I don't always share with the general public because most people don't grasp how quickly my mind swaps subjects and can go from "OMG that shit is SOOOooooOO funk'n adorable" to... coming up behind my partner, immediately and without warning, pressing her against the wall to squeeze twist her nipples and bite her on the shoulder for no more reason than I want to feel her firm flesh beneath the clamp of my jaws... hear her moan and borderline cry while my co... well... you get the idea.  One minute I can squee like a high school girl in shear raw excitement to sexual or sadistic... or a mix of the two.  Some days I'm so "needy" that I bruise her flower and claw her flesh, leaving welt trails that water would follow like being guided down a ravine.  The thrill I get from watching her blush so deep she's at a lose for word and eeps out.. "Maaaaster..." in her low plea for mercy till I unzip and work on helping her overcome her gag reflex... seeing those tears run eyeliner down her cheeks, makes Beast and I come un.glued!... And she's earned every ounce of energy we put behind craving her flesh as though its the very essences that keeps us alive. She has earned the effort and work that we put into the puddles she leaves till the sheets, blanket... and comforter.. are so soaked they require removal and washing, unless I pull her back into it.  Coaxing her to lay on my chest with my arms wrapped around her while my body takes on her scent and covers me.  For Beast and I, we love smelling of her.  We crave her juices to cover every inch of us. We want her to know how much she pleases us and how we see her as our property and we just as much her's.  What causes some of these rapid, animalist outburst? hahahahahaha... She does.  Purposely wearing clinging clothes of light fabric that shows her nipples poking out while walking through the house, her hips swaying as she pauses to give this lil happy bunny tail wiggle that is juuuust enough to make her firm but bouncy ass jiggle.  Clothes I helped pick out so she looks a bit "girly" in her comfy clothes. She loves her introvert attention... the kind that doesn't talk with much more than actions.  Most the time she doesn't want her mind worn out in long analytical debates, or deep contemplative conversation.  That's her job.  She want attention.  She craves Reaction.  Always? Hell no.  We snuggle, cuddle and some days have awesome analytical conversation but for the vast majority of her time around me... she does all the silent screaming for my attention.  Bringing me drinks, food, or interrupting my gaming with her slight bow instead of always going to the traditional knees.  Intentionally bowing just enough for her shirt to play pica-boo between my eyes and her lovely firm breast.  For a person who hasn't watched very much anime.. she's nailed the Anime on the head with the false innocents.  Seductively innocent outfits.  Cute lil giggles with her hand over her mouth, blushing and eating up my attention as she tentatively reveals another section of flesh, particularly... under boob.  To me, seeing her breast hang out the bottom of her shirt, is such a fantastic tease and I've told her as much.

So this past week when I received the latest pic of her... I literally Squee'd out loud!  O.  M.  G... Just a moment of back story here:  She & I have been spending a lot of RL time together, like weeks on end.  During which, she'll sit on my couch dinkering around on Pinterest all caught up in her INFP mind while I sit close by, watching anime.  Not the kind you may stereo type me for like Death Note, Blue Exorcist, Hunter X Hunter, Full Metal Alchemist (though I do enjoy these)... but more like Sword Art Online, ToRaDoRa (which she's starting to like because its very M/S), Beastars, BNA, "Love, Chunibyo & Other strong Delusions."  The cutesy shit found in these Anime simply make me happy in the void of my soullessness. 
Now back to date:  I receive the latest pic of her... dressed in navy striped under boob shirt, with this cutesy ass tie, around her subtle neck.  The bow of the tie, teases the top of her covered breast while it's length drapes delicately between as it comes to an end at her navel.  Salivating was already in full swing when she photo bombs me!  Navy blue Micro mini skirt as though she's an Anime school girl, going to one of those privet anime schools in full rebellion to the dress code!  Photo after Photo reveals more, and by the time I see that ass, that I LOVE to show my passion and desires on...  peeking beneath that micro mini.. I'm hard as a rock, idly stroking and growling so fiercely the dog runs off and hides!  Last photo comes of an up skirt and I'm about to start remodeling my walls with my own special kind of paste!  She knows what she's doing... she knows I'm going to rip into her body with abandon vigor when I see her next.. and she's just hoping that I let her get inside the house first.  This is my version of a good Slave & She's earned her place to be such... as well as the outpouring of my and Beast unchecked desire to claim her yet again! (2 more days ?)

OOoooOOoo I would love to show y'all her photo's in that outfit of the above but I'm no longer Premier so I can't share photo's for now.  Sorry ?

(If ya can't tell... I'm soo fucking proud of my ^Angelbunny^)

If you go read my profile you would not think that my education extends beyond high school and that in itself may be questionable.  You would be correct.  I suck at book learning because my mind runs too fast so if its not something that holds my interest, its very difficult to keep my attention.  Nobody has forced me to further my education, nor did they force me to graduate high school.  I was and still am, rebellious to the core so to try to tell me what I WILL do or Force me to ___ without giving me justifiable reason, will be meet with cool, collective suspicion and resistance.  The alt to this is: unless you have gained my trust, wherein, I no longer require it... I know you.  You won't try to seek my harm or take advantage of me.  I think this is the reason that I love the concept of a higher power who gives a shit about me.  My God does not force anybody to do anything any longer.  He has made a way and now says, its up to you bunch of rebellious lil shits to find the path, study it and walk thereon.  I have sat and listened to scholars and intellects of far more superior quality than myself and to each one, of whom man has sought to gain knowledge from, they have all followed that very simplistic logic.  This is the situation, whether true or metaphoric.  This is the transition, in my opinion, that you will need to strive for.  You will know that you have met with success in one of two ways:  In failing to achieve the desired results, you learned what does not work and cease to repeat said methodology.  OR You have come to a place of enlightenment wherein you have received the positive outcome of which you desired.  NONE of them talk about dealing with the aftermath of being successful because the very concept of enlightenment is understood that the person seeking, understands the fall out of their desire BEFORE it is fulfilled.  This too is the process of enlightenment.  It is not just receiving the goal successfully... its also understanding the fall out and determining if the goal is WORTH the cost of fulfilling it.  So many times we see our results and leap at it blindly, then cry as we are impaled by bards that surround it unseen, even though enlightenment is much like a Rose.  If you let the beauty of flower distract you from the process of obtainment, you'll be skewed by the thorns.  Some Roses are simply best enjoyed on the plant.  Smell its lovely fragrance.  Enjoy the aesthetics of its delicate, supple beauty.  Acknowledge that some things are not meant to be plucked, while others have a navigational path wherein they can be plucked and taken home for a limited time.

Scripture teaches this lesson in a very simplistic metaphoric reality. "Cast not thine pearls before the swine..."  and it is to this that I am drawn to share.  Understand that this small sentence is steeped in depth of which is usually just skim read and taken for face value, therefore overlooked and scoffed at it in the neglect of understanding.

Cast:

Casting is an intentional action.  Thought out or by response, if one is to cast it takes effort, as well as practiced study in the method.  One does not become an instant success in cast, just because they made ANY effort.  In this sense of the word, it is casting wherein the recipient is currently at, within range of them to receive but before their path of vision (understanding).  Simply put, if you cast before them, it is likely that they will respond and go forth to retrieve, wherein if you cast a behind them, they are less likely to even acknowledge its presence.

Thine:

Yes it means literally "Your, Yours", therefore it is something that YOU have taken effort to claim yourself, most likely from the very nature of self help, study, meditations, and placing the correct course into action, thus taking knowledge to the next step of becoming wisdom.  You have been there, you've been through similar and "this pearl" is the wisdom you are willing to give.  Why?  Because you care enough to take something that is immensely valuable to you, and share it with another in hopes that it will not take them so long to come to the positive results they seek.  You struggled for days, weeks, months or possibly years.  Or you was offered the pearl to be taken from the hand of another, but either way you made effort to obtain it and thus it belongs to you because you reached out, claimed it and tucked it safely away upon your person so that you can recall it at any given time to help benefit you or your's, another day.  To give it away is a sacrifice.  Is the one of who you are sacrificing for, worth the cost you are giving away, free of charge.

Pearls:

In a literalism, "A natural pearl (often called an Oriental pearl) forms when an irritant works its way into a particular species of oyster, mussel, or clam. As a defense mechanism, the mollusk secretes a fluid to coat the irritant. Layer upon layer of this coating is deposited on the irritant until a lustrous pearl is formed."  Sound familiar?  Something is bothering you, causing a negative reaction to your core mindset.  Some people have a mind that says "wait, something is off... what? why? How can I stop this from repeating?" Some simply accept as if it's a part of life and thus live in the irritated state wherein they shit on everybody around them in one form or another, unable to find joy in themselves and therefore they seek to destroy any joy you may have simply because its not them who caused it, or worse yet... they can not abide that you are happy while they suffer with self infliction, denying the possibility of treatment, unwilling to take the time investment so that they themselves can be self sustaining in their own joy.  Notice, the irritant is NOT removed, it is coated over in self preservation... a willing, dedicated effort to accept that this is part of who they are, however it does not need to be something suffered.  Instead it can become something of beauty to others, wherein the value is solely upon the beholder.  To the Oyster, it has value of no longer being irritated all the time.  It'll hold this pearl till it is removed or till it passes out of this life, either way, to the oyster... its no longer an irritant, even though the oyster continues to tend to it on a daily bases just to maintain its own betterment of life.  To another, the pearl within may look basic and unattractive, while yet another covets the pearl with a deep desire.  Then there is the Pigs.

Pigs:

Pigs are tasty!  MMMMMM BACON!  However very nasty and back in the day of this saying, pigs were considered an "Unclean food" which was not to be eaten because of all the micro organisms living in... and on them.  Because disease control upon society was so low that a pig could wipe out an entire village with salmonella because pigs lack the simplistic sweat gland and therefore controls self body heat by rolling in mud, most often created by their own shit, wherein they trample to keep it fresh, permitting nothing to grow, so it can keep itself from overheating.  Pigs are by nature gluttonous, consuming anything placed within their range of smell and amazingly, pigs have an extremely keen sense of smell that they use to devour anything within its range.  Pigs do not care about taste, quality value of what its eating, or amount.  It'll fight to obtain the food, pushing and shoving, squealing in frustration and threat, just to eat anything it can put in its mouth and grind beneath its very powerful jaws.  The meat inside a pig is just as full of micro organisms and parasites, much like humans... when the body dies, these organism spring to life, consuming the rot and we see them as maggots or "worms", who are simply doing what they was designed for... disease and infection control.  Hence when you cook pork, you must cook it fully or risk becoming sick because those lil bastards don't care about the living, only the dead feed them. (YOU MUST DIE! I ALONE AM BEST! Muhahahaha)

So when it is said do not cast thine pearls before the swine, what is actually being said is:  Not everybody is worth your value.  Be careful where you try to share your wisdom (pearls) because watching pigs eat without thought, the very thing that took you years of overcoming and tending to every day of, is crushing.  Where you sought to help, you now are part of the pigs food source, and though they will squeal for more, you are to them nothing more than a source of self sustaining gluttony that provides for them, so they can receive ANYTHING without any more effort than to sound like they are in pain and need.  In the time of this metaphor being spoken, what they are implying is not only will they not value you or what you have overcome and willingly sharing... they themselves are self centered, self serving, devours of all things and will revel and roll in the very shit they cause.  They are unworthy of your attention, and to take one unto your own self could cause you long term harm that can spread to everyone you come in contact with, ultimately ending in the destruction of everything.  Even if the pig themselves is dead (no longer in your life), if its "meat" (mindset) is consumed, you and all of yours are the ones who may pay the cost with the destruction of your own family of whom you can not provide for because... you gave your valuables to the very swine that is killing you.

I honestly don't know who this is for.  I was fixing lunch when it come upon me to put out this blog.
Before you jump to conclusions let me give one last bit of insight:  At no point does this metaphor say, that pigs are worthless and unable to obtain enlightenment wherein they evolve.  Because in many ways, Pigs and Humans are similar.  A pig is a pig, but a human who thinks like a pig, is still a human, however until the human comes away from the pigs mindset they will always remain a pig.  It is up to them to come out of the shit by their own choice.  Show them the pearl, but do not cast it.  

May your hearts heal.  Your minds be of soundness.  Your soul full of peace.  Your days filled with more joy than anguish. It is YOUR choice to let others infect, or effect your joy.

Max, a self proclaimed Heathen who walks in the paths that criss cross throughout his life.

Working 12hr shifts is usually easy and I have no issues other than working at a facility I've become disenchanted with... It doesn't help one lil bit that my ^AngelBunny^ is staying with me and all I really wanna do is be in her, game and be in her more.  Yes yes yes, I give appropriate 30 second snuggles before pushing her out of bed and having her make me something to eat, bring it back crawling on hands and knees while I get to laugh my ass off as the dog sniffs her's and tries yet again to hump her.  ... ...  Now that you are either laughing your ass off, drooling or well offended, WELCOME TO MY FRUSTRATED WORLD!  Good!  We are all on the same page, no matter how ya read it.

So first off, I rather enjoy snuggle time so 30sec is more like 2hrs 

She does fix me food and drinks but it brings her great joy to do so, and even then I can't bring myself to bark an order, however taking my "would you please" for, "oh, its optional" is a major mistake.  I have manners a mile long but I have morals of a homicidal necrophilia hooker who just so happens to be a Nymphomaniac and have such an imagination that while we are out shopping, she points out the lovely item and I'm telling her how we could use it for physical pleasure in one form or another.  *Cutesy smile and Squee noise* .. guess who has fantastically warped punishments?!? ???

Anyways I digress... I come home from this shit shift of slight lunacy wherein I just want to Hannibal Lector the overhead and and its been at least 16hrs since I've been inside her... SIX TEEN HOOOOOURS!!  No! Sleep is optional, that Is NOT an excuse!! I'm now at the point that I can smell her in my skin and I'm coming home fixated on that lovely dripping slit that has given me great nourishment.  I crave to bury my face in her lil cali lilly and engorge myself on the nectar from within, lay her naked frame back from where she awaits me, naked on her knees, head bowed, to allow my first gaze to be filled the gorgeousness of her creamy flesh... and thus begin the mating rituals of EVERY FUCKING ANIMAL ALIVE!  

As I approach the porch my memory module flashes "ERROR, ERROR, ERROR" and I then get the memory message that my lil slave who is waiting JUST .. INSIDE... THOSE... DOORS... is actually in the midst of a business meeting on-line and I need to wait for her meeting to end before I can even SEE her... 

I enter my home, through the back door so I don't disturb the meeting... sulkingly make a drink and slink off to my room, wherein I wait... and wait.... and FINALLY!  She enters my room

And just like that...

Hope y'all enjoyed the way I wasted time, waiting for my bunny to finish her meetings ?  Have a great, wonderful, sexually explicit, orgasmic day!

I rarely view my life as it actually is, as I have a very over active imagination that is FAR more entertaining than reality.  Instead, I mix reality with personal fantasy and maintain my happiness from there.  It makes life easier to digest and helps me be a kinder me that in reality I struggle to be.  I have my very real Beast who helped carve me into a dark, cynical, sato-masochist.  I use to be paranoid, had multiple personalities, suffered night terrors so vividly that I'd wake bleeding and had to learn to self tie to my bed so that I remained in my own room.  I use to think that I was all kinds of broken and fucked up but in time I spoke with one who pointed out that I carry a tool box with me wherever I go.  "For somebody who is so fucked up and broken, you have a rather large arsenal of toys in your Tool box."

"Huh?"

Taps my noggen with his aged and wrinkly knuckles. "Your Tool box."

Here I was bitching about life and the shit it keeps throwing at me like I'm screaming "PULL" for the next big ass buffalo chip to be tossed at my head and he had listened intently, chuckling with exasperation as I spoke of how I viewed myself.  I was barely in my twenties at the time and like many others of my age, I felt life was unfair and blaming everybody / everything else as well as the circumstances that had lead me to his door step.  No he didn't particularly like me and to be honest I disliked him just as much but I he was conveniently accessible, honestly raw and rarely tied up with life, so he'd sit and laugh at my misery while we ate apples beneath a huge oak tree.

"You sit here bitching about life like you are Adam, son." He continued on.  "You think you are unique and special but here's a secret for you..." Leans in and places the back of his hand to the corner of his mouth. "You're not."  Commences cackle laughing at my narrowing eyes of Fuck'offery... "You humans and your inability to use the greatest tool box in all of creation, will never end in my delight of your own self destruction."

"I know coming to you is like asking to be shot with salt blast and tended to with lemon juice but can you at least be a bit more clear while you insult and mock me?" I glowered and growled in my contempt for him.

"Fine, fine, fine, stupid child needs me to hold his cock while he pisses." Taking a moment to light a pipe so ancient it looked like it was whittled out of the first tree to every grow and dinged black with use, dirt, grit and possibly blood...

"At least mine works, old fart" I spat back, grabbing my crotch and making a mocking noise.

"Maybe." Puffs his pipe unaffected by my insult. "But your the only one using it." Smirks and continues to take a draw on his pipe.

"Like you'res was ever used by anything more than an unwilling sheep?  Or did you face fuck the carp you caught too?" I shot back a bit irritated as he poked at the lack of sex I was getting from my wife.

"Best head... Ever." Winks at me and then points the mouth piece of his pipe at me. "That right there is what I'm talking about." He interjected before I could sling out another insult.

"What?" 

"See how fast you insult? The quick wit, almost automatic responses that your mouth spews out like a geyser once it bubbles up ... How did you get that way?" 

I stopped and studied him for a minute... what was the angle here... "Dad..." I said tentatively. "Brother.. five uncles, aunts, friends.. " I said more confident that this wasn't a set up.

"So you was trained to be that way. Yes?  Adapt or be consumed.  Over come or be picked on for the rest of your days." Pokes my chest with the nasty mouth piece. "That's what I'm talking about.  You sit here bitching and crying about shit that comes at you while unable to see that if it wasn't for all that shit... you would be run over by life, beaten and bleeding in stream." He paused to take another puff and blow the smoke at me before he continued.  "The very thing you see as abusive, hateful and uncaring is toys you've placed in your tool box." He sat looking at me while my brain was catching up with where he was directing me to. "You have so many toys at your disposal from all that you have faced so far, stored away in your tool box but when shit comes at you, you insist on this stupid cycle of OHHH WHOA IS MEee, boo hoo, bullshit.  Brake the damn cycle and you'll see that life doesn't give a rats ass about whether you're happy, sad, angry or joyous.  Life just IS.  How you view it will determine on what you take from it." 

"But.." I sat unwilling to accept what he was saying, much like most people who cry about wanting to change yet unwilling to let go and actually make it happen.

"But what, Max?" Narrowing his eyes in his study of my internal dilemma.. "Do you fear to admit to yourself that your life is shit because you chose to view it that way?" Leans in and taps my forehead with his pipe tip again, drawling me out of thought. "The cycle you repeat is your choice.  Who you let effect you, is your choice.  What you allow to piss on you, is your choice, Max.  What's the point of having toys in your tool box, if all you ever plan to do is ignore them?"

"I hate you, old man..." I muttered as his words sunk in.

"Yeah, I know." He stated with a chuckle as he offered me his pipe of which I took in a dream state of thought and drew from, letting the sweet, aromatic tobacco swirl across my scenes.

"Is it really that simple? Make a choice and go forward?" I blew the smoke out slowly in contemplation.

"No, kid.  You'll have to make this choice every minute of everyday until it becomes a process as sharp as your tongue." 

After sitting there and enjoying his pipe while lost in thought I handed his pipe back to him with a small smile crossing my lips. "That's..." Puzzled why he hadn't claimed his pipe, I turn my attention back to the old man, only to find the vast darkness that encompassed the huge oak tree planted in the forest of my mind.  "Thanks Beast" I said to the red eyes that stared at me from the shadows as the pipe vanished from my hand, into his while he flipped me off and lumbered back into the recesses of my mind.

Life is how you view it to be. You may not be able to change the circumstance but how you view it is all up to you.

Nobody can fix you because you are not broken. If you was broken, you would not seek or dare to hope for better.

Change how you think.  Use the toys in your tool box... or as I've said many many times before to those going though shit:  Suck it up mamby pamby, time to get off the tit.  ????

I have this thing for intoxicating fear... Watching the fear well up in a persons eyes, smelling it come off their skin as they mind struggles to process what is unknown and bizarre to them.  Oddly enough its usually the children that are more willing to approach me than the adults and yes it funny as fuck to watch mom nearly faint as her baby girl just walks up to me with her arms out.  I find this to be even more intoxicating... when people look past the outward appearance and find a way to accept what the mind struggles to comprehend. Today was no different other than having Covid mask:

As I went out from store to store, got something to eat, and filled up the truck with gas, I had a blast when some of the local Mexican's started pointing at me and rambling on in Spanish, Like I understand all that... However I've watched enough Dora the Explorer to know some and body language traverses the gap no matter what you speak.  Before long, I was squatting with a family of four children and five adults ranging somewhere between 20's and 70's having pictures taken as I thoroughly hammed it up, looking like I'm biting the skulls of children, choke holding mom (assuming), about to tear the throat out of dad (also assuming) and covid mask kissing grandma on the cheek... She was a sight!  Didn't need to understand a word from any of them to know that I just made their day and that to me was totally worth the forty five minutes of prosthesis placement, scar forming, and makeup.  Sometimes its the odd things in life that help wash the stress away from the mundane life in this zombie apocalypse. 

Even better was when I got home, my ^AngelBunny^ asking if I'd dress up like this for her sometime when we go out.  (She hasn't a clue that I plan to dress her also, muhahahahaha)

^^^ From the shadows of my door entrance ^^^

vvv More of what people saw until I got inside to take the sunglasses off. vvv

The boots are steal bottom, biking boots.  Heavy AF and makes a wonderful THUD when walking.

Yes I have to wear the sunglasses in the full light of the sun, its not an option.  BUT!

I love being me!  ??   vvv Just a few more to see from the sides vvv

So my ^AngelBunny^ is learning, the longer we go the more there is to know.  Like.. I'm a poet and just dunno't! ? I'm a complex creature riddled with more culture, slang, and a mix of thangs that just don't seem to be compatible to any one person, and that's because I'm so use to being an authentic chameleon that I embraced being a Paradox.  It made my love for life vast and it varies from day to day, hence I'm polyamorous and Ambivert (Thank you again my Bunny ?? for that word, Ambivert!)  My world is intense or coasting along.  There isn't very much in between, just ask her... or ask for photos ?? her body sure can take on a Beast and me, making quite the Three way with only the two bodies present!  Anyways, people tend to forget that what they see isn't always what is with me and this is a lesson that my family has learned again and again as they try to "help me do the right thing."  My mom has stopped asking questions about my dates, wanting to know every detail, and prying too much... she's learned that I'll gladly smile and tell her EVERYTHING, in detail, if it ever got that far.  About the time I start talking even a hint of sex, she squalls and smacks at me "NOOo, I don't want to know that!" All to my great delight while dad just shakes his head and hugs mom with a "You should know better than that by now...".  My sister keeps to safe topics and is usually to busy cringing at her boy attacking me cuz I don't care how old you are, when "The Claw" comes out, its freak'n play time!  5 boys, 13 - 6yr olds go off screaming in a game of chase through the house wherein I end up hauling the youngest two back with them dangling from my neck as they try to "take the beast down"... if only they knew?? ((yes Beast loves to play with imps.)) 

My brother though.. well.. we are similar in some aspects.  His pride meets mine eye to eye though I have learned to not let mine get in the way of life when it really matters.  I can own up to mistakes and give a true apology and that is where a part of me comes out that people forget that I have.  Just because I don't look upset, just because I'm smiling, doesn't mean I've forgotten Shit. 

Back many many years ago (before the above ever was with my family) when I got fed up with pleasing others as well as with the redundant hypocrisy of formal church I entered into my great and grand field of Fucks that grew lush and fruitful. I remember when I poured gas on that bitch and sat back with a glass of Jack and lit up my first Cigar in over a decade... looked over all the abundance of harvest and flicked the match in to watch it all burn. ?? Nice guys don't finish last, they simply never finish at all and my nice guy was out in that field burning with all the fucks in the field. Needless to say, it was less than 48hrs after I said, fuck y'all, I'm tired of giving to ungrateful, whiny ass, swine who just leech off everything that was good about me and wasted it.  Beast and I went down to the Tattoo parlor and got our formal piercing.  Piercing for males in my family was taboo and I was looking at my mile long taboo list with an "Oh yeah, we are crossing off every one of these mother fuckers!" grin.  First family meal not a week later and my family freak their shit when I take off my sunglasses to reveal I now have three brow piercings... See, I love piercings.  If it wasn't so hard to get a job with all the metal in your face, I'd have close to 50 by now.  My dad expressed his displeasure in typical dad fashion and banging through the house degrading me while I stood there with a smirk.  He even threatened to "take me out back" but mom intervened when I took off my jacket and headed for the steps that would lead to the back yard.  Don't get me wrong, I most likely would have gotten my ass handed to me, dad was a brawler growing up.  I knew moves that would most likely get in some hits but in the end, he'd probably kicked my ass.  That didn't matter to me, I was done being pushed into yielding to others.  If it cost me my family, I accepted that price before I went into the tattoo parlor, I just hoped it wouldn't.  After about twenty minutes of angry questions, insults, allegations of which I didn't deny they was tired of me not answering anything more than "Because I wanted to" and "So?" (Brat answers, yeah?! lol) So they changed tactics and started attacking my love for God, family, myself, and to that I turned and went to the door.  Emotionally I had prepared for this and shut all those fuckers off before going inside so when I opened the door and flipped them off, the silence was such that one could hear a pen drop.. on fucking carpet floors. I looked them all in the eyes and said: "This is the real me, The me I've sacrificed every day for everybody else and I'm done with the bullshit.  You say you love me, prove it.  I have a hundred times over in ways you never even knew, nor do you even appreciate now, nor in remembering what I could have been." This was the first time any of them heard me growl and much like people do now, it caused a flinch.  When I calmly closed the door behind me, I was half way to my car before my brother come outside, stomping in his puff n huff, chest out, knuckles white.  He informed me that I was a bad influence on my nephews... his two sons that I loved and spent time with like my own.  His youngest was the same age as my first born so they practically grew up together.  Being pissed off at me was one thing, I'd accepted all the harsh words, all the stupid threats but this was a step beyond... I and my family was no longer welcome at his house till I take the rings out.  I remember looking at him and nodding. "As you say, let it be."  Now don't think my family didn't make up in some fashion because my wife at the time went and talked with his. Between those two they worked out the stupidity and my brother permitted "Us" to be around when he was home, which lasted about another week before things went back to normal between all of them.  However, my brother never apologized to me.  He never told me I was welcome, he told my wife and my family but never come to me so I kept my word.  When the wife tried to "talk sense into me" and my mom tried to beg me to come to family gatherings, I simply shook my head and said: "An offense was made with no restitution offered, no apologies made.  For y'all, things are all fine.  Not for me.  I don't forget and even God requires repentance before forgiveness is given." In those 20+ years I've been around my brother maybe a dozen times, talked to him about a few dozen for brief moments but no matter how pleasant we are, he's never apologized and I've never forgotten.
I hold a grudge.  Not the kind that eats at ya, get ya all pissy and plagues your mind with desires for vendetta's, na.. nobody is worth that kind of self toxicity, I just simply write a person off as though they are dead and if the time comes they do pass and I'm local.  I'll gladly visit your grave site.  Light a cigar, pour a glass of Jack.. have a few drinks, take a few tokes.. then pull out my cock and piss on your head stone while smiling contently.  Why am I like this? I'm a sadistic Irish hillbilly with a Beast to bare... This IS better then what I really want to do ?
So understand if I'm telling you to fuck off, I'm actually being really sweet and nice. So to my on-line troll who thinks they can come to me through others, trying to act like time has healed the offense.

I remember, its not forgotten, I do not forgive.  Your comments to what I say are not welcome in any form.

I find it disrespectful and begging for attention... that I have now given you. 

We share friends; Please do not disrespect them by trying to use them as unwitting messengers. It makes them uncomfortable when I tell them that you are dead to me, I do not wish to hear what she said.  I do not try to manipulate information to push people away from you or toss hand grenades at potential friends or mates in a passive aggressive "trying to help" manner. (yes, I know. They have brought to me)  I have tolerated your attempts of childish manipulations without any backlash from me until now.  This was done for our joint friends and the Cage's sake.  Remove my name from your comments, as you do not have permission to use it.  Do not give false representation of friendship with me.  Remember you blocked me for a reason... We are not.

Apparently you have forgotten what ended our friendship so lets be clear:  Fuck off.  We are not your caged animal to be controlled.  We do not enjoy being around your kind of manipulative brat. We will speak with whomever we wish, for whatever reason we wish, while gladly ignoring your presence. So run along now, go play the victim... preferably in the street... I won't know, I don't care.
-,!,, ^,..,^ ,!,,-

Many times we get caught up in all the excitement of somebody paying attention to us & I don't know about you, but I use to get soooo zoned that I'd forget to ask things like:

3) Are you currently in a relationship?

4) Do you have any children? (Ages, live at home?)

5) Can you send me a face picture of your left hand pinky on the tip of your nose? (Or some other specific pose that would never be common and is clean.)

Later in life, after being cat fished... dating a married lady who forgot to tell me about her 22yr old daughter & husband that still lived in her house, I started to realize people hide crap because they feel or know that some things are unacceptable but maybe if you just got to know them first... I understand that the inner person is just as valuable as the flesh that's wrapped around it, however if you start out on an intentional mislead or lie... how can you ever really trust them from that point forward?

At this point I decided to take the love for my career into the cyber world and apply Security measures to my on-line dating life. You would be amazed at how many people hide things intentionally, that they know would be unacceptable to me because it's in my profile. So to the above I added a new #1

1) Have you read and understand my profile?

2) Do you have any questions concerning my profile?

I understand if all you want is to fuck, a profile can seem like a waste of time.  Those who want something real, however start with the basics.  Simple fact: If you want quality, you need it to be the quality you are seeking.  If they are too lazy to read your profile, they are trying to lure you into something selfish.  What exactly? *rubs head* Magic ball says "future unclear" ? Taking time to write a short but detailed profile gives a bases for Security checks.  While texting in app, you can ask questions that hinge on their profile. 

Then comes steady progression... anybody wanting your real name and phone number within a week or two: SCAM ALERT! HACKER ALERT! STALKER ALERT!  Do not give it out, do not volunteer it.  There is a reason you use a screen name, keep using it till the moment you meet.  Now I'm not saying they are scammers/hackers/ or stalkers but esh, that screams desperation to me.  Reason people want your real name is so they can feel connected and trusted... um... fuck that!  Don't trust easy, don't put your heart on the line yet.

I rarely drag things out for months but i do like steady progression while asking the same questions as before, in different ways.  If your chuckling and shaking your head, my past history: Female age 27, only knew her 2 weeks and set up a date night. Upon meeting I felt "off" but she was declaring how we seemed to "just click". Dinner started out with laughter and puns right up to the point I was telling a story about my oldest daughter and she interrupted me to ask "Oh, you mean (my daughters real name)"... um... I don't give out my children's real name until I REALLY feel safe with a person.  Upon polite inquiry, with a joking sense of humor, I find I'm dating my 1st fang banging stalker!  Oh yes, she was a talented hacker, had chased my fake IP address to try to hack my PC, used my phone number to find my real name, used my real name to do a history/background check on me, found out almost everything about me... so yeah... upgraded Security measures 3.0!

I now use a (gamers) communications app, when/if I go outside Cage. (Feel free to ask for the app name via mail).  I use a junk email account through google, with all fake information. The app I use doesn't require a valid name, location, or phone number.  Everything I want to do, I can do there, safely!  So progressions is required

So now question 1 & 2 are important in the beginning.  3 & 4 come into play within the week & 5 dosen't happen until week 2... if they get that far. Think about it.... those first couple weeks are talking about likes, dislikes, soft & hard limits, sex, everything that keeps that new possible relationship buzz going!  However while you're doing this and slowly investing information do NOT invest your heart just yet.  It's only been a week, working on the second!  I do NOT budge from Cage until week two. Use the mail, use the bond, have fun with the 1min voice chat, Do NOT share body pics yet... it'll be ok. Quality waits. On both sides. If they want to see a pic of you, it should be on your profile.  If they want to see a pic of your tits, pussy, ass, or cock... tell them it's too soon.  If they persist, simply say no.  If they continue take a picture of the 3 stoogies, cat picture, donkey picture, rooster picture.  SEND! ??

Stand your ground because those who persist, push and rush are not SAFE, some are not SANE, and some will not care if you CONSENT.  Test these things out so when week two does come you can ask them to download the communications app and start into voice chatting, picture sharing and this is where #5 come into play.  If they wont send you a specific pose picture... they are hiding something.  Accept nothing less than what you requested.  Then ask for a clothed body shot (if that matters to you).  After that is done, have fun kinksters but still.. guard your heart.

Personally I never recommend a meet up until week 3 - 5, wherein everything seems on the up & up.  Upon setting up the day & time, I tell them to make sure to bring your drivers ID.  No excuse is acceptable to continue the date if they won't.  Ladies, make him come to you.  Men are less apt to be kidnapped, sold in the skin trade, raped, or killed.  Set the date location at or outside 30 min driving range of your home or home town at a public dinning / coffee / tea spot during busy hours. I hate to wait but there is a reason you want this. Insist on going inside, even if you buy your own food/drinks. When you meet:

They must meet you at the entrance proximity.  This is a hard limit. You want witnesses!

After greetings, ask for the driver's license & where they parked their vehicle.  Make a mental note of its location because if it's in back or out of plan sight, you do not approach their vehicle for any reason.  It may be innocent, parking is always a pain during busy hours.

Take a phone pic of their drivers license with their consent, and send that picture to someone you know will keep it secret & check up on you in 1hr, 3hrs, 5hrs, 1am. And by noon the next day.  Ladies, you do not give your ID until you have sent that pic!!

If they refuse to consent, be polite but the date is over.  Return to your vehicle and go to another restaurant immediately.  Why? If they follow, they will usually become impatient and leave, plus you can call a friend to come escort you home.

During the date make eye contact.  Even if its indirect eye contact.  Ask about their relationship status again & pay attention to those eyes!

A look upward is usually recovering memory, look down or away is usually a lie (unless talking about personal tragedy), eye to eye contact is usually the full truth.

Watch their body language.  A man with arms tight to the body or crossed is defensive, blocking, intimidation.  Legs bouncing, anxious (or needs to pee)... these are bad signs in a dom.  Leaning on the table, looking up through the brow is seduction with that quirky smile. It says they like what they see.  Arms open, hands comfortable, means they are calm & relaxed.  Guys: Smile for God's sake! Easy eyes, open up and show you are comfortable in your skin because this is what all women should be looking for.  Take "couples selfies" and send to the same friend. Don't lie about what you are doing.  Safety first!

Exiting: stop at the entrance desk and make a point to say bye to the person behind the register & make sure he is there! Why?  Cameras! There is always one behind the register.  Plus, a sweet Bye, makes you memorable.  If you don't heed my advise about the car location and decide you can trust them, awesome! One more step:

Have them point out their vehicle: take a picture from a distance... do NOT walk close to Van's, walk behind the man... let them "lead the way."  A confident male will never need to touch you to guide you, nor will an honest man want to follow you to their vehicle... follow you, yes... mmmm that ass! BUT Not to their vehicle. Have them go unlock the door of the vehicle (verifying its really theirs) then as you get closer, take a picture of the license plate & send that to the same friend.

I recommend following them or they, you, to your next destination if y'all have one and it should never be the hotel on the first date.  No, it's not about chivalry or morals... fucking Casper isn't worth it.  From all the safety precaution, most skin traders, rapist, kidnappers, etc will no longer harm you, however a quick fuck, hell yeah.  Is that what you're wanting?  So stop for a moment and ask yourself: Subs: What do you think you're worth?

Are you worth being kept safe & feeling safe?

Are you worth a few pictures?

Are you worth time and effort?

Doms: What worth do you think you are?

Do you respect hard limits?

Is your potential Sub worth providing them a safe method of getting to know you?

Can you wait a short time before *grabs you by the throat* dominating?

Shouldn't you hold a standard that is equal to the above or set one that is superior in saftey?

...    ...   ...

Please feel free to ask my ^AngelBunny^: all that I insisted on, so she'd know she was safe. Ask her if its stopped at any point thus far.  Use the comment section below.  She'll most likely be happy to reply.

Remember girls, you may be dating a dick... safety first. Put on protection before mounting up!

Stay safe, stay sane, keep it consensual.

I woke up today as I have just about every day since meeting my ^AngelBunny^, fully erect, slowly stroking and wishing she we beside me one again.  I can still feel the smooth silk of her flesh, smell the light scent of her natural body wash that vaguely reminds me of hemp, and hear her light sounds of sleeping.  She has to me, every stimulation that I've ever desired.  She feels right in my hands, my teeth create patterns in her flesh and the sound of her crying as she tries to mentally sustain the pain, dives me all kinds of wild.  Keep in mind, I am a Sadist, I am a Primal, and I am a vampyre... I do thrill to other's pain... yet, I intentionally restrict myself to my partners pain endurance.  If she has a fracture of the mind, where the crying isn't just the mental sustaining to push through, but instead a mental collapse threatens... I know it, immediately.  It's like seeing something in my mind that hasn't happened yet but is the highest provability of becoming the reality if the path before me continues.  I lose my libido, my attitude changes to that of a protective wolf over his mate and there is nothing I will not do to keep her safe, even from me.  I am a Monster, I know I'm a Monster, I accept I'm a Monster and before y'all try your sympathetic "Ooo you're not a monster, your just misunderstood or just..." blah blah blah  I know who I was, I know who I am, and I know I'm still learning to be a better me.  Better may not be how some think, I don't seek to be sociably acceptable, just AngelBunny acceptable.  My vulgar language, inability to be fully open with emotions, I know it bothers her but just as I accept her for being her who she is, she strives to accept me as I am also.  For all the beauty of her body, her mind makes me drool just as strongly.  It's called Sapiosexual, and sweet lord have mercy does she have the brains to keep me hard.  In all my adult years, I've never had a woman who put in so much time to study me as she has.  Most the woman and men I've dated have come to me but they wanted Beast.  I don't blame them, he's dark, alluring, dangerous and one can never tell if they are going to walk away and to be honest, I've had to carry more then a few. However she didn't come to me for just him.  Yes, she loves him very much and it shows in the way she takes the time to learn how he speaks with his hands and touch.  Cries before the pain becomes to much so he can taste her tears and open up more to her. We both know it and love her more for it.  She rises to meet the challenge, presenting herself as weak and helpless while giving us everything we ever desired applying all her studies to making us a happy Masters, a hungry vamp, and an honored Primal all because she takes the time to learn us.  She applies what she knows to be the Slave we've only dared to dream of.  How she started was in the blog comments, progressed into asking me to take some fucking long ass test that asked so many repetitive questions I became frustrated half way through.  Then another, and yet a third.  Ultimately she whittled me down to numbers after getting the Myers-Brigs results, calling me an ENTJ, (Extrovert, Intuitive,Thinker, Judgement). However Beast is an Introvert so at best guess he's INTJ, seeing that we are so similar. The results were so eerie I highly recommend it to anybody who wants to learn and grow so they can break the cycle of continued mistakes.  From this we took another aptitude test which was just as long, repetitive and irritating as fuck but it pleased her and was a small thing to ask. These results I'm going to share in pictures:

What the above means: I do have fears, Desire, a self-image, weaknesses, longings, things that are great about me & things that are shit.  I may be a Monster but I'm human... This particular chart show's how to even try treating me if you ever want to get to truly know me.  She does this, mostly.  In her own way as a Slave, she treats me the way I crave but not everything is on that chart and she knows it.

What the above means: She knows I'm growing and pushes me to keep ever vigilant, hence my first comments.  She see's what nobody else ever did even though I fall horribly short of "Allowing myself to be moved to tears" as well as some other of my emotions.  Love however is one that I commit to, extremely deep.  It's also my biggest fear, just like all the rest of you out there. She holds the power within her hands to alter the course of my life by merely accepting or rejecting me.  Not many consider the effects on the world around them when dealing with another's heart.  Some will play with it for their own pleasure ego and as a Sadist I can say I could just as easily do so but as shown above, there is thing's that are simply not part of my make-up.  However, because so many do fuck it up I end up paying the price with women who don't know how to trust and think its MY job to save them.  My lil AngelBunny know's I can not do that for her.  If she trust in herself, she trust in her knowledge and therefore can trust in me to be exactly who I am.  While I speak with other women, I gave her my word that I'd never seek another without bringing it to her first.  I know she struggles to trust this.  I know her heart has been abused just as mine and many others have, yet she faces her fears and trust in her knowledge to trust in me. 

I don't see my vulnerability as strength, it is to me weakness and I loath it but I share it with her, feeling the depths of my shame but also knowing that without her being there, my vulnerability will never be compensated for.  She is my shield.  Even from herself.  She knows me so well because she doesn't just want to know my passion or the fierceness as a Primal, she doesn't just want to know the power and destruction of Beast, she wants to know the core of us both, she wants to know our true Character.  This is the third aspect that turns Beast and I upside down for this lil bunny, her Character.  She is true to who she is.  Who she says she is.  Who she presents herself to be.  She's a 4 ?

What the above means: without trying to sound too cocky or sappy... I'm everything she's looking for, just as much as she is everything to me.  To all you fake doms that couldn't keep up with her, abused her, tossed her aside or treated her like shit -,!,, ^,..,^ ,,!,- You lost out on something big time. She's now our 4, our Bunny, our Slave, our heart, our future.

Thank you AngelBunny for taking the time to study me and pointing out how I'm VERY aware and attentive to being your 8.

(Shit, I think I just jizzed in my pants remembering all she's taught me.)

Beast In Neitherland Woods

Chapter  1

Beast 

He slams to the ground, bouncing on impact as the momentum of the fall cascades him through the tall trees in an ancient forest. "OOOF!" he responds to the tall oak that had been so obliged to halt his crash course through the underbrush. Beast, tries to lift himself but even his strong body felt the abuse of that impact. Had it not been for the dragon scale that lined his body like flexible armor he surely would not have survived. A movement from his peripheral vision caused him to growl deep and spin to face his opponent, fangs bared, claws extended and wings flared out. Or... that's what would have happened had his arm not failed to support his weight as it buckled at the shoulder in the attempt to rise. His head rebounds off a large root of the oak, his vision blurs and for a second a form is outlined in the mornings rising sun. He squints.. "Beast... Stay!" Comes the familiar voice in his mind. Max, the human of whom he shares the body, looks out through his right eye trying to behold what they were seeing but vision blurred and darkness was claiming them. "Bunny....." Beast whispers before passing out.

Squirreling:

She ran through the tree tops as fast as her little squirrel legs could carry her, catching glimpses of the dragon falling out of the sky. The Forest birds had brought her a report of an invader to the wood and as their Princess, she had quickly set to task. None can enter the forest of Nietheland without her investigating the invaders and determining if they should have the right to make it out alive. "A dragon!" She'd thought as she ran on her interception course. "Oh this simply will not do." She'd faced dragons before and knew of their destructive nature. Such beast were a powerful creature to reckon with but her forest needed her, her woodland friends needed her, the very Neitherworld depended on her!  Too late she arrives at the scene and gasp at the destruction from her perch in the tall oak directly above this foul beast. Nimbly she dropped and jumped to the bottom branches, ready to give this stupid lout a piece of her mind! Standing there looking down on the black dragon she narrows her eyes to scan for signs of a surprise attack. Now that she was so much closer she noticed this dragon didn't look like those of Nietherworld. It's wings splayed out, one looking very tore up from the impact and its body was all the wrong shapes. Where was the spade tipped tail? Sure this um.. well.. Beast, she decided to call it, had many dragon like features but it would seem more like a hybrid of some kind. Humanoid in shape with strong looking features layered in scales that ended in clawed talons. It's tail was more like a thick long whip that ended in flails with small sharp looking spikes about half way up, in a single line up its spine. Unlike the dragons of this realm, that was another notable difference.  She twitched her auburn furred tail with it's pink marking that seemed oddly like a tiara crown. Curiosity fully piqued, she leapt from the tree giving her tail a snap. In a shower of glittering magic, she landed on her two small feet with a staff in hand. Where once a squirrel had been, now a child size woman stood, body selectively covered in pink fur. Her well formed and firm breast heaved from the run to get here and her green eyes scanned with suspicion. Her thin but athletically built body moved very much like a squirrel as she darted from one spot to the next, adjusting her staff defensively on her slow approach. "Oh!" She quipped in her cute childlike voice.  This was truly a beast indeed! He stinks! Her little squirrel shaped nose twisted up in disgust, hand quickly clasping over it. Quickly she darted down wind of him, into the clearing made by his destruction, which meant she could approach without the offensive odor but now he would be able to see her. She lowered herself and started trying to creep up on him, taking one slow step at at time, noting his oddly shaped head. Wide bat style ears, nose pushed up very much like a bats and from the way his mouth hung open slightly she could see the sharp looking fangs. Her pulse quickened, her grip tightened on the staff and out of defiant fear more than the need to defend herself she zig-zag darted in, bringing her staff up over her long pink hair like a cudgel. Slamming the Acorn shaped staff head into the beast shoulder felt very satisfyingly for the brief second it took for the beast to struggle to roll over. He growled, red eyes opening briefly to pierce her mind with fear.  Her blood ran cold as she froze in place slightly breathless... "OooooO my..." She whispered with a hard gulp as the feeling of moisture trickled along her inner thigh. A childish giggle escaped her lips as the back of her hand come up to cover her mouth. A blush flushed over her high cheekbones to the slightly perverse thoughts she couldn't help but have. The way his arm dangled behind him, this beast was in no shape to even defend itself. So slowly she side stepped forward, her heart racing, lust fully flamed but doing her best to remember... She is a Princess! "No time for this." she whispered to herself, blowing a stray hair out of her tiny little mouth. She furrowed her brow at what species this creature could be but surely that shoulder was dislocated and that hip was going to need some mending after the broken branch was removed from the leathery hide that separated the torso scales from the thigh ones.  She can't dispatch him until she'd determined if he was a threat to the Forest & she couldn't determine if he was a threat while he was in this condition. Chewing her lip a moment she decided her course of action. Lifting her staff above her head she began to chant causing her Acorn to glow and shimmer in a radiant translucence as her magic called upon the forest itself. Roots came forth to secure the Beast to the ground, while vines wrapped around the branch in his hip and began to pull. After several efforts, with the beast groaning, she leapt upon his thick body to grab hold of the branch and pull with all her might. Her little frame may look weak but she was no push over! Pulling hard the branch finally gave way, ripping out of the flesh so suddenly she stumbled backwards, tripping over a root. "EEP!" She exclaimed, as a firm grip caught her around the torso, keeping her from the fall. She could feel the claws pricking into her flesh and another release of moisture from between her thighs causing her to blush deeply with her chin burrowed to her chest. Her mind raced in a mix of fear and desire while trembling hands lay hold of his thumb talon, that pushed dangerously on her vitals. She wanted to pry them apart, yet... "Sigh." Slowly she turned her head and once again she was met with red eyes burning with fire. "Those fangs.." she thought to herself "such a strong face." ... "GULP." A low rumbling growl followed by a sensation of gratitude that washed over her senses as he gave a slight nod and let her lose, apparently passing out once again. Quickly she slide off his side, turned and kicked him square in the guts! "DAMN YOU BEAST!" Her heart raced from all the mixed emotions, her breast heaved in the need for air and her attention was captured as the low maniacal chuckle coming from him. "SLEEP!" She squeaked, leaping back from him as her fingers spun her magic causing mushroom spores to fall on him. In but a moment, his movements ceased and his breathing leveled out. Hands on knees, heart still racing she studied the beast as she caught her breath. 
This is definitely not what she expected. "He could have easily killed me, had he wanted to." She realized. "But... how can one so... soo... UGH!" she exclaimed out loud. "FINE! I'll help your big smelly ass but once you are healed you get the fuck out of my forest!" pointing defiantly at the sleeping beast's head, very thankful he couldn't hear her. She walked around him only giving the slightest glance at his crotch and once again blushing while silently cursing them damn scales. Once she'd retrieved her staff she cast a new spell that caused the iridescent ring of sparkling glitter magic to surround her from the feet up. Where once a pink little squirrel girl stood, now stood a plump auburn woman of maturing age. "Well, Beasty.." Her kind and strong voice sounded. "This is going to hurt you, far more than it's going to hurt me."
Grinning with a bit of mischief, she places her hands to his shoulder, fingernails glittering with blue magic and shoves hard. The slick sickening sound of the bone popping back into the joint was followed by a blue aura of magic over the wounded area. She could feel the mending but there was something more... something out of place. Ending her spell she moved to his hip where the branch had been and nodded to her suspicion. His body could mend itself, given the time, it would seem. She shrugged and went to the big oak giving it a couple knocks with her staff. "Well ya big brute, let's see what ya have to say for yerself when ya wake up." She said, glancing over her shoulder as she went about collecting acorns to snack on while she waited.

Bunny Intuition:
It was going to be another beautiful day out, she just knew it. She'd risen early to go out and watch the sunrise, find a snack of some sort, and just enjoy another quiet day in the forest. For a bunny, a nice meal and the quiet was all she really wanted. Yes, it got lonely at times but she was tired of living in Fieldlands where so many other bunnies lived, always having to keep an eye out for various predators' that would gladly scoop them up and devour her kind. Subconsciously her humanoid fingers touched the scar above her left luscious breast as she remembered the last Wolfkin that tried to devour her. "No! I'm going to enjoy the day!" Her high pitched voice declared to the edge of the Forest. Her home wasn't far away, a big oak tree where she had burrowed under for the safety of its big deep roots. She may not have the magical powers of many of the Neitherland humanoids but that didn't mean she was without abilities in her own right.  Several times it was her intuition that saved her hide and she could run like the wind. Her strong legs were agile and sleek and if worse came to worse she could always alter-form into her little bunny body which she really didn't like to do. It made her feel so vulnerable and weak, but the small frame could hide almost anywhere even with the white fur and black tipped ears. She was smart, cunning, and put into a corner, well... she may not win, but they sure as hell would know that she'd been there. Grinning with a bit of pride she stepped out into the small clearing leaving the safety of the forest behind her so she could see the sunrise. Her long bunny ears shot up, she spun around, something is wrong. Where is that coming from? She panicked as her heart raced and she crouched ready to bolt for home. Her eyes drifted upwards, following the lead of the sensation and high above came a black dot diving right at her! "SQEEEEEAK!" She shrilled. In seconds she had raced across the clearing and back into the safety of the forest. However, she stopped, "Damnit!" she thought, turning back. "I'm done running!" Balling her fist, heart racing, mind telling her to run, she marched back out into the clearing. Ok, not far but still! She was determined to see it. As she watched she noticed the falling creature wasn't flapping one of its wings. She adjusted her sight and zoomed in the best she could, watching as the black dot began to take form... "dragon?" She almost turned back, instincts screaming to flee.. but she stayed. As the dragon came closer she couldn't tell if it was in a power dive or trying to evade something but what would a dragon flee from? They are the biggest creatures in Neitherworld.
Pointing her bunny shaped nose towards the black dragon she narrowed her eyes and started making out its face. "What.. the fuck.. is THAT?!" Something stirred inside her, made her heartache as she made out the masculine bat like face with its body of corded muscles. She only realized too late that she had subconsciously walked further out into the clearing and that ... THING! was headed right for her! That's it! Like a bolt of lightning, she fled into the forest heading for the safety of her burrow. She was so close to home she could see the mighty oak as it came into view. "NO! DAMNIT!" Digging her heels in she skid to a stop and turned back towards the clearing when she heard the sound of saplings and underbrush shattering to something massive.
"NOPE!" She's not stupid. Over the mighty Oak's roots and down the hole she went, stopping just inside the tight entrance while her heart raced with breast heaving with fright. With hands pressing the sides of the entrance she listened and waited for the crashing to stop before she popping her head up to look around. Feeling the energy of something that seemed to call to her, she cautiously left her hole and peeked around the oak. Her heart caught in her throat as her eyes settled on the beast before her. As though being called to him she tossed caution to the wind to step out and move towards the still lying form. She was just about to touch it, when it stirred. "SQEAK!" Off she went, right through the path of destruction, across the field glistening in the rays of the sun as it lifted over the forest canopy. For a second she paused, taking in the beauty of the rising sun before looking over her shoulder at the beast now laying still once again. Shaking off the feeling that should go see if he's dead outside her home she turned to the forest and headed for a safety burrow that she didn't particularly care for but here was defiantly NOT safe.