Psychologist will say it's a learned response where your mind learns to adapt by finding pleasure in that which torments you. I do not disagree, however I also think that some of us were simply born with it. One of my earliest memories was early teen years when I had a cavity in the center of a molar. My family couldn't afford going to the dentist/doctors and the last thing you ever wanted to do was something stupid wherein you probably should go to the ER/professionals, but telling your parents how you earned this damage was far more terrifying then "sucking it up and dealing with it." I'd bit into a nutshell trying to crack it with my teeth because... well, young and stupid or impatient? Anyways, that cavity caved under the pressure and the next couple days found my gums starting to swell so instead of saying anything I grabbed a few toothpicks. Methodically, I began to slowly screw the wooden point into the outer edges to release the blood and puss, which of course just make it throb like a jackhammer in my jaw but at the same time... it felt soooo good, to have that pressure release. Should I have told my parents and would they have taken me to the dentist and figured out how to pay for it later, well yes. I have great parents despite the issues we had back then buuuuuuut... I had it in my mind that if there is pain coming from the hole then the issue wasn't the outer edge. I knew nothing of nerve endings, or the physiology of the human body but I did know that my dad would be upset, mom would worry and make it into a bigger deal than what I felt it was so I took a tentative poke with a wooden toothpick.
Lightening shot through me, catching me completely off guard. I knew it would hurt but FUUUUK!! After the mind stopped buzzing and I blinked the swirling room and stars out of my eyes, I found I had a hard-on that was pulsating. Ever the curious son of a bitch, I took that as a sign that I did something right and immediately jammed that wooden shaft into lil mother fuker, and fought the reflex urges to stop by attacking it like a Spartan on the battlefield! By the time the red haze left my sight, my mouth was drooling blood, the throb was now dull and the endorphins made my whole body feel like I'd had a full body deep tissue massage. Of course I was I curious and reached down to stroke my cock, just to find that I'd already released against the cabinet and created a pool on the bathroom floor. I remember just basking in that moment before thinking, HYGIEN! If mom saw all this blood and cum, there would be way too many questions in a hysterical fit so I grabbed up the Listerine and... what... you flinched, didn't you? 😂 Yup, took a swig, swished it around and spit. The burn... ooomfg... jaw slack, drooling heavy into the sink, toes curled and grinding against the air with this irrational need to do it again. So I did... several times till the jaw felt numb, my mind and body were exhausted and I used saltwater to help stem the bleeding. It was at this point, I realized I am a little fucked up. Mommies lil angle was quickly becoming the demon that my dad declared I was.
Over the years, I've endured pain to the point that it became my mantra: Pain is Life... If you feel pain, it means you're alive. If you're alive, there's hope for something better and that hope is worth the pain.
Fast-forward to tonight... I've gotten to a mental point of being tired of constant pain. Things I couldn't control wherein I just man up and take it. Trudge through that shit, shoulder back, head up, forcing each step unwilling to yield to self doubt that this may be my breaking point. I started doing something about it and for a few years, I've been living pain free until my most recent knee injury. However, some things never change... I was re-lighting my cigar while gaming and not really paying attention to the loose fray that I'd lit. I didn't notice as it drifted off the end of the cigar and dropped down my naked body, missing my furry belly to land on the shaft of my cock. I think I actually moaned out loud, my eyes rolled back as my breath hitched. I didn't even attempt to brush it off, as I just sat there letting the burn run fire through my senses. It's confirmed, I'm still a Masochist 😂🤤
With that said, I leave you with one more of my favorite songs from the same band: In This Moment.
What's your story?
Max.