I woke up today as I have just about every day since meeting my ^AngelBunny^, fully erect, slowly stroking and wishing she we beside me one again. I can still feel the smooth silk of her flesh, smell the light scent of her natural body wash that vaguely reminds me of hemp, and hear her light sounds of sleeping. She has to me, every stimulation that I've ever desired. She feels right in my hands, my teeth create patterns in her flesh and the sound of her crying as she tries to mentally sustain the pain, dives me all kinds of wild. Keep in mind, I am a Sadist, I am a Primal, and I am a vampyre... I do thrill to other's pain... yet, I intentionally restrict myself to my partners pain endurance. If she has a fracture of the mind, where the crying isn't just the mental sustaining to push through, but instead a mental collapse threatens... I know it, immediately. It's like seeing something in my mind that hasn't happened yet but is the highest provability of becoming the reality if the path before me continues. I lose my libido, my attitude changes to that of a protective wolf over his mate and there is nothing I will not do to keep her safe, even from me. I am a Monster, I know I'm a Monster, I accept I'm a Monster and before y'all try your sympathetic "Ooo you're not a monster, your just misunderstood or just..." blah blah blah I know who I was, I know who I am, and I know I'm still learning to be a better me. Better may not be how some think, I don't seek to be sociably acceptable, just AngelBunny acceptable. My vulgar language, inability to be fully open with emotions, I know it bothers her but just as I accept her for being her who she is, she strives to accept me as I am also. For all the beauty of her body, her mind makes me drool just as strongly. It's called Sapiosexual, and sweet lord have mercy does she have the brains to keep me hard. In all my adult years, I've never had a woman who put in so much time to study me as she has. Most the woman and men I've dated have come to me but they wanted Beast. I don't blame them, he's dark, alluring, dangerous and one can never tell if they are going to walk away and to be honest, I've had to carry more then a few. However she didn't come to me for just him. Yes, she loves him very much and it shows in the way she takes the time to learn how he speaks with his hands and touch. Cries before the pain becomes to much so he can taste her tears and open up more to her. We both know it and love her more for it. She rises to meet the challenge, presenting herself as weak and helpless while giving us everything we ever desired applying all her studies to making us a happy Masters, a hungry vamp, and an honored Primal all because she takes the time to learn us. She applies what she knows to be the Slave we've only dared to dream of. How she started was in the blog comments, progressed into asking me to take some fucking long ass test that asked so many repetitive questions I became frustrated half way through. Then another, and yet a third. Ultimately she whittled me down to numbers after getting the Myers-Brigs results, calling me an ENTJ, (Extrovert, Intuitive,Thinker, Judgement). However Beast is an Introvert so at best guess he's INTJ, seeing that we are so similar. The results were so eerie I highly recommend it to anybody who wants to learn and grow so they can break the cycle of continued mistakes. From this we took another aptitude test which was just as long, repetitive and irritating as fuck but it pleased her and was a small thing to ask. These results I'm going to share in pictures:
What the above means: I do have fears, Desire, a self-image, weaknesses, longings, things that are great about me & things that are shit. I may be a Monster but I'm human... This particular chart show's how to even try treating me if you ever want to get to truly know me. She does this, mostly. In her own way as a Slave, she treats me the way I crave but not everything is on that chart and she knows it.
What the above means: She knows I'm growing and pushes me to keep ever vigilant, hence my first comments. She see's what nobody else ever did even though I fall horribly short of "Allowing myself to be moved to tears" as well as some other of my emotions. Love however is one that I commit to, extremely deep. It's also my biggest fear, just like all the rest of you out there. She holds the power within her hands to alter the course of my life by merely accepting or rejecting me. Not many consider the effects on the world around them when dealing with another's heart. Some will play with it for their own pleasure ego and as a Sadist I can say I could just as easily do so but as shown above, there is thing's that are simply not part of my make-up. However, because so many do fuck it up I end up paying the price with women who don't know how to trust and think its MY job to save them. My lil AngelBunny know's I can not do that for her. If she trust in herself, she trust in her knowledge and therefore can trust in me to be exactly who I am. While I speak with other women, I gave her my word that I'd never seek another without bringing it to her first. I know she struggles to trust this. I know her heart has been abused just as mine and many others have, yet she faces her fears and trust in her knowledge to trust in me.
I don't see my vulnerability as strength, it is to me weakness and I loath it but I share it with her, feeling the depths of my shame but also knowing that without her being there, my vulnerability will never be compensated for. She is my shield. Even from herself. She knows me so well because she doesn't just want to know my passion or the fierceness as a Primal, she doesn't just want to know the power and destruction of Beast, she wants to know the core of us both, she wants to know our true Character. This is the third aspect that turns Beast and I upside down for this lil bunny, her Character. She is true to who she is. Who she says she is. Who she presents herself to be. She's a 4 😉
What the above means: without trying to sound too cocky or sappy... I'm everything she's looking for, just as much as she is everything to me. To all you fake doms that couldn't keep up with her, abused her, tossed her aside or treated her like shit -,!,, ^,..,^ ,,!,- You lost out on something big time. She's now our 4, our Bunny, our Slave, our heart, our future.
Thank you AngelBunny for taking the time to study me and pointing out how I'm VERY aware and attentive to being your 8.
(Shit, I think I just jizzed in my pants remembering all she's taught me.)
