Disclaimer: I'm 50yr old, analytical and poly, seeking our partner to fulfill our V or Triad. The following is seeking information that perhaps can spark a new idea or approach for me.
There is many people on Cage I have respect for (even those who have me blocked lol) so I decided to ask your opinion and maybe glean from past experiences. So:
I'm sure TMI (too much information) varies from person to person and myself personally would like to learn things in phases as I get to know a potential partner.
However, even despite my efforts and requests there is this overwhelming need to tell me everything because they FEEL I NEED to know. However in this process of dumping out all the trash on my mental lawn, they completely fail to grasp that I don't need to know that stuff yet. It sends up all kinds of flags to me and I'm sure that wasn't the intention.
Is it because I'm paying legitimate attention that its seen as I'm a psychologist or guardian of the heart?
What causes this need to tell when I have expressed no desire to hear or ability to do anything with?
For me this happens within a week or two and shortly thereafter (due to now feeling vulnerable most likely.) They want to argue or force a reaction that ends the possibility of relationship.
Thus far I've had the longest amount of success stating:
"In time I may want to know all your past, but right now I just want to get to know the person who is before me so if I'm not specifically asking for details about your past please don't tell me. Ok?"
Usually they agree with no problem and some even express relief, yet BLAAAAAAH... There it is...
Any pointer on avoiding this?
Anybody want to own up to telling TMI and perhaps explain why you feel the need to tell so much?
The purpose of this blog is to learn. Pool knowledge, share experience that may assist.
With that in mind, be respectful of others options, methods, or thoughts.