Max Heathen(other male)

Priest of Sanguine

Tales of what helped create me, out of order, and no animals were hurt in the creating of this blog!
Most Tales are based on my real life with Fantasy and/or Fiction included to protect identities as well as enjoyment for
those reading. Names like "Bunny, Rabbit, Squirrel" or variation thereof, are not referencing actual Cage member names.
Its how I view my Prey from the stand point of a Primal and Hunter.
If Cage member names are use: 1) it's with their consent. 2) will have ^ before & after the name.

All Stories told are unique and your comments are greatly enjoyed so please do comment.

For those who play Skyrim: Priest of Sanguine is not a reference to the game its a reference to my life style choice ^,..,^
Go grab a drink, maybe a snack, sit back and enjoy the Tales that I delight in telling... even the hard ones.

TMI

3 years ago. April 16, 2021 at 5:49 PM

Disclaimer: I'm 50yr old, analytical and poly, seeking our partner to fulfill our V or Triad. The following is seeking information that perhaps can spark a new idea or approach for me.

There is many people on Cage I have respect for (even those who have me blocked lol) so I decided to ask your opinion and maybe glean from past experiences. So:

I'm sure TMI (too much information) varies from person to person and myself personally would like to learn things in phases as I get to know a potential partner.

However, even despite my efforts and requests there is this overwhelming need to tell me everything because they FEEL I NEED to know. However in this process of dumping out all the trash on my mental lawn, they completely fail to grasp that I don't need to know that stuff yet. It sends up all kinds of flags to me and I'm sure that wasn't the intention.

Is it because I'm paying legitimate attention that its seen as I'm a psychologist or guardian of the heart?

What causes this need to tell when I have expressed no desire to hear or ability to do anything with?

For me this happens within a week or two and shortly thereafter (due to now feeling vulnerable most likely.) They want to argue or force a reaction that ends the possibility of relationship.

Thus far I've had the longest amount of success stating:

"In time I may want to know all your past, but right now I just want to get to know the person who is before me so if I'm not specifically asking for details about your past please don't tell me. Ok?"

Usually they agree with no problem and some even express relief, yet BLAAAAAAH... There it is...

Any pointer on avoiding this?

Anybody want to own up to telling TMI and perhaps explain why you feel the need to tell so much?

The purpose of this blog is to learn. Pool knowledge, share experience that may assist.

With that in mind, be respectful of others options, methods, or thoughts.

Thx,

Max

Morley(sub female){Max Sterne} - Personally, I feel it may be the point you actually say "I may want to know..." Straight up. It plants the seed and that grows until the verbal diarrhea comes out. Maybe not say it, and if they start, you stop and say "no". This is not the time. They will sit in that, I would hope, until the time is right.

I usually am an open book as to who I am today. I am very guarded of my past. The times I have opened up are usually slow and purposeful. So not much help in that. I am interested to see others comments.

Great blog! I appreciate these very much! Thanks for posting. 🌼

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - You're welcome and I appreciate the comments. There is usually something in another's perception that helps. Thanks!!

3 years ago

L a r s(dom male) - "Is it because I'm paying legitimate attention that its seen as I'm a psychologist or guardian of the heart?"

Yup.

A lot of folks forget that doms can get uncomfortable, and have boundaries too.

Some folks want to treat their dom, or sub as a master key to everything that's locked off from them in life. But your dom is not your therapist. Your sub isn't a substitute for having your life in order.

Folks just need to stop putting square pegs in round holes. Hopefully, this (well written) post sheds some light for some folks.

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - Thx Lars, it does feel that way at times. Appreciate you responding

3 years ago

sir james ladies(sub female){oh yes ple} - both of my Dom's in my short life have always said "I'll tell you what I want to know
and at some point both have said "that not for me to solve it's for you to solve" Mari

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - Lol, sounds like something I've said before to my ^AngelBunny^ "that not for me to solve it's for you to solve"
Thx for the insight. Perhaps I should edit that to something viable to a slave potential.

3 years ago

sir james ladies(sub female){oh yes ple} - be my guest sir

3 years ago

Bunnie - For an introvert like me, it’s exhausting going through the process of meeting people and being “extracted” piece by piece. So, I began to dump the whole truckload of what they may be digging for, in one load, to kill off that curiosity as quickly as possible. Rolling over quickly helped get rid of those who just want a puzzle to figure out, or who were simply looking for a challenge. I guess you could say that “dumping” became a way of either vetting or simply scaring people away.

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - So for you. Its intentionally done... interesting. Depending on the dump, this may be something to take under consideration.
Ty, Bunnie!!

3 years ago

Bunnie - Intentional... yes and no. It’s my defenses (weird defenses, I know).

3 years ago

CSI - To me, my past is what has made me who I am and has shaped me. I was vetting a couple before Christmas and mentioned something about being a rope bunny. He went off the rails and said he never wanted to hear about my past and if and when he wanted to know anything about my past, he would ask (I did double check your profile to make sure you weren't him). And just went silent for a couple of days. His sub said that she or anyone is not allowed to openly discuss the past. This felt like a personal affront to me, because in my mind if someone doesn't care about my past, then they don't care about what has made me and who I am as a person. Or why I think a certain way. I mean, I didn't go into specific details, and have never thought about it as "dumping trash on someone's mental lawn". At the time, it meant to me that I was excited to share that personal information and that I thought it was relatable to what we were talking about at the time (rigging). So that certainly added another brick to the wall and made me share even less than before.

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - It's not that I don't want to know a persons past, for very much as you said, it's what helped shape them. I prefer to learn in phases. If I can't connect with a person, then their past is not going to matter as much but as a relationship develops, then I do slowly start learning. Their past becomes less like a land mine and I'm able to spot triggers because of time already invested to learn them. Most likely met them and had face to face so I can learn them.

3 years ago

CSI - But if it logically ties in to what you are talking about, why wouldn't it be discussed then?

3 years ago

Max Heathen(other male) - Because I'm logical, I'll immediately look at the statistic and past experiences. If I don't know the past upfront, they have the opportunity to show me who they are now. If they tell me their past immediately, I simply won't waste my time with something that stands a high change of not succeeding or being a high emotional need. Remember I have AngelBunny to consider in this also and she is of herself a logical but emotional woman who gets drained quickly by others when they are needy. So logically speaking, why would I chase somebody who doesn't match what I'm looking for? Let me know the person they are now. Let me prove out the person they are now, then the past shows their strength, what they have accomplished and overcome. Plus if I am permitted to know the person that they are now, and something triggers, I'll see the triggers when it happen and seek the information so as not to cause it again or find a path whereby the trigger is disarmed. As I said, its not that I don't ever wish to know, just let me learn in phases so I can learn who they are now.

3 years ago

AngelBunny - My Master knows about my past, in fact, he has taken the brunt of my emotions when something triggered me but he didn't hold it against me, he helped me work through it. When he first met me, I actually had on my profile I had a traumatic past, however, I didn't feel the need to tell him the details of it within the first few weeks of meeting him. It also didn't stop him from talking to me. I was feeling him out and seeing if he was someone safe enough to share such things with. When I did tell him, he was understanding and supportive. Before meeting my Master, I had a lot of therapy and worked through a good bit of my trauma. Sometimes something in the present will trigger my past but for the most part, it seems like something far off in the distance and I prefer to not let it define who I am. I'm just another human being who has had a sucky experience just like all other human beings. Obviously, this isn't everyone but often when someone shares too much too soon, they feel overexposed and too vulnerable then they look for a reason or create a reason to pull away. I have been there and done it myself which is why I learned to be more cautious about how much I disclose initially.

3 years ago

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Max Heathen​(other male)

Priest of Sanguine

TMI

Max Heathen(other male)