"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear." - Stephen King
Every time I put pen to paper to describe my relationship with my Dom, I am reminded of this quote.
When I introduced myself in the Welcome forum, I mentioned that we have a unique backstory, but it may be more prudent to start in the present.
The very first time he wrapped his hand around my throat as he pushed inside me, he whispered, "Relax. Let go. You either orgasm or pass out. You choose."
In that moment I let go of everything. Every problem at work, every household chore that needed to be done, every personal issue that was unresolved, I let go of all of it. Mentally, emotionally, physically, he released me from the prisons of daily life. All the walls I had built, all those protective barriers in my heart, mind, and body came tumbling down.
I have spent time with some truly wonderful men in the vanilla world. I have no regrets about those relationships, but I have never experienced a connection like the one I share with my Dominant.
There is no greater feeling of freedom and peace than the moments I spend at his mercy.
From the outside our relationship likely appears similar to friends with benefits. We don't operate like a traditional couple nor do we advertise that way and yet the trust we share rivals any intimate relationship I've ever had.
What I have learned in my 45 years on this planet is that with the freedom that complete autonomy offers, comes the weight of all the responsibilities that accompany that freedom.
As adults, especially those of us who do not live with a spouse, partner, other family members, or friends, we are under no obligation to negotiate for what we want. If we have the means to purchase something, we buy it. If we want to change careers, we do it. We don't seek permission from anyone. We truly run our own kingdom or queendom as we see fit.
The flipside to this is that there is nobody to share the weight of that freedom. If we get laid off from our job, there is nobody there to catch us.
My Dom and I may live our lives in separate kingdoms, but the way in which we exchange power releases us from the fortresses we've built and that level of intimacy cultivates limitless trust. I can't think of anything more beautiful in life than that.
