The experiences that I shared brings me to the conclusion of "the reason I am the way I am".
My childhood was a happy one for the most part. I was oblivious to the marital issues that my parents were going through until I was a preteen/teenager.
I seen my Mom as submissive and serving my Dad for many years. When she stopped, it affected him and those who loved him.
The attention, that the men in my young life gave me, set me up to where I was/am in adulthood. My submission and respect for Dominant men.
My beliefs as a young child on what role men and women should play still are strong within me. I still believe that a man should be Dominant and the Master of his Kingdom, but I also understand that not every man is or can be that, I just won't have a relationship, other than friendship, with a submissive man.
I worshipped my Dad for the Dominant man he was before alcoholism took hold of him. The sacrifices he made for family and the "larger than life" man he was. In my eyes, my Dad was a great man, he was my hero.
Although my first marriage was a disaster and very abusive toward the end it gave me the talent to please. My ex husband taught me how to sexually please a man, and also, that my own sexual pleasure was important as well.
Being seduced and living with a Domina opened my world to incredible things and that I could love a woman as deep as I've loved my husband and also love more than one person at a time. She knew my ex husband abused me, so she showed me the difference between abuse and non-abuse attention, of how BDSM could help me deal with the fears and issues I had, and that it could bring amazing pleasure both physically and mentally.
I seen and felt abuse that did not kill my desire to serve, nor did it kill my desire for men. My inner strength saved me.
I believe I was born submissive but not weak, born to please and serve but not be used and demeaned. I wasn't forced into it or enticed into it. It was/is in my blood and in my soul. I grew with it, and continue to grow to this day.