I have a vanilla friend who knows about my lifestyle. She tries to understand but there are some things that I know she can't or won't accept and today I came clean with her about my Master.
She called me to have our usual end of the weekend chat. Talked about our families and the huge meals we helped make and eat. Then she asked how my new relationship is working out.
I told her a little about my Master when I started serving him. I didn't go into his vanilla details because I didn't think she had the right to know that part of him.
Today she grilled me. Or tried to. Asked me many questions which I skirted around. Then she must have realized why. Asked me...or more like demanded to know..."Is he married!?!"
I've always been totally honest with her. She knew who my past play partner was from his full name, where he lived, place of work, and had showed her a picture of him.
I've shared none of this, about my new Master, with her. Not even after her pestering and grilling me. I did not break down except to say, "Yes he's married!"
She went quiet. I called her name twice. I said, "if you don't answer I am going to hang up". I heard her clear her voice and these are the things she said and asked, without waiting for me to answer right away.
"How can you do that to another woman after how your ex treated you?"
"What if it was my husband, would you let him beat your ass and fuck you?"
"How can you be with him and then watch him leave to go home to his wife, doesn't that hurt you?"
"How can you deal with only seeing him when he can get away from her?"
"How do you get past the thoughts of him being intimate with her?"
"What will you do when he's done getting his jolly's from you?"
Then she was quiet again. So I asked, "can I tell you my thoughts and answers now that you got it all out?" She said, "fine!"
I may have said a lot more to her but this is the gist of what I said to her. I know I didn't have to justify myself and life choices to her but I wanted her to at least think about what my answers were and maybe understand a little.
If it's not me he would find another to spend his time with. At least with me he is safe from any drama, disease, or jealousy. My ex had it all with me, kink, vanilla, poly, family...he lost his desire for kink and when he seen me it was a reminder that his desire has changed and could no longer please me. So he found someone who didn't remind him of his failure with me.
Your husband is totally in love with you and he would never hurt you like that. I'd never be with a friend's husband or wife even if they were in the lifestyle, unless they were both involved.
It is very easy to be with him because he was totally honest with me right from the first time we started chatting. I knew even before meeting him that he was married. Some men may claim that their wives don't fuck them anymore, or that they aren't satisfied, this I believe from him, and with her there is no passion...which I feel when he's with me, the pent up passion and needs that need to be fulfilled. It doesn't hurt me because I know that I have a separate part of who he is. He doesn't get from her what he gets from me and I'm proud that he wants me like that. I accepted right from the start that I wouldn't have him in my life as often as I'd like, but he makes time for me and that's what matters to me.
The intimacy between him and his wife is of no concern of mine. BUT, with the way my mind works and being that I'm a polyamorous woman, I'm happy that he has her to please his vanilla sexual side. I'm not just sexual to him. I'm his slave, his submissive, I do things for him that she doesn't nor will she ever submit to.
When he is done with my servitude I will accept it. I will be hurt yes, there's no doubt about it. But I went into this relationship with the knowledge that he won't ever be in my bed every night, nor will I have the pleasure of serving him every day. I have already accepted the end and all I can do is enjoy the middle.
Then she thought, or so I could tell, that she almost wanted to hurt me. "Do you feel any guilt at all?"
I am very proud that he choose me to be his slave. No I have no guilt at all. I give him what she won't, so why should I feel guilty. I'm not taking anything away from her, in fact maybe I'm giving her a happier husband.
Then something I wasn't expecting. "What happens if he leaves her for you? Would you have a real relationship with him? That would mean you broke up a family!"
With all that I know, he won't be leaving her any time soon. I have no unrealistic thoughts of his doing that. But if he did that would be his choice and not from my pushing him to do so. Our relationship is real, just not vanilla, the depth of what we have is different but it is still meaningful. And if he did separate from her of course I would accept more of him, as much as he wants, because I love him.
Then she said, "I need to go, I don't get you. How can you love a man that wants you like this. Bye." And click. So next time we talk, she'll either avoid talking about him or try make me feel bad or guilty. Which, if she tries to, it will be the end of our conversation and maybe our friendship. She is very negative about the lifestyle but she never has tried to make me hurt over it before. Sure I understand her views but doesn't mean I have to put up with them or deal with any abuse from her.
On a different but similar note: This is something that Master and I had discussed when he brought up an issue with his wife, which he apologized for telling me about. I had told Master that no matter how we look at it his wife is part of my life too...although unbeknownst to her...she is part of him therefore she is part of me as well. I have no interest in causing problems between them, in fact if Master ever asked my opinion about her, or asked me to give him advice I would. He loves her and his children very much. He may be having an "affair" with me but what my friend doesn't understand is that I may just be saving his marriage by giving him what he NEEDS then he goes home happy and fulfilled. He doesn't just come to me to fuck me, or beat me. We have intelligent long talks, we tell each other about our daily vanilla life, talk about our children and other important things in life. So I am included in his life in a different way but yet still included. He trusts me just as much as I trust him. I've accepted all and everything there is about him. I've made the choice to serve a married man, I just wish my most dearest and closest friend could understand how happy I am. Missing him but still happy I belong to him.
