I'm 52 years old, and my Master is 41. I've never been with someone as young as him nor have I been with a Master who so easily reaches inside of me. In fact he has reached a part of me no one else has. He has given me more than I ever imagined he would.
I realized this yesterday and with all the different dynamics I have experienced I've never felt like this.
Master took me to a certain level of subspace on Tuesday. My connection to him grew immensely. The hold he has on me is so different than any dynamic I've had.
When he was leaving, I always watch from the door and when he gets in his vehicle I turn away so I don't see him actually driving away.
Ok here's the tricky part of trying to express what I felt.
When I turned away from the door it was like this.
A loose thread, you pull on it instead of cutting it. Pulling and pulling, the thread bunches up the material and then suddenly it let's go and the whole thread comes out and the material goes back to normal.
It took me until today to figure out this feeling. When he left, I started moving back into my existence without him, but it was a slow process, like the bunching of the material. Then I was completely back to myself, the thread let go and came completely out of the material.
What was that thread?
My submission.
What did the bunching of material signify?
Gathering my submissive spirit into one place.
Why did it let go of the material, not breaking?
The releasing of that space but not releasing from the relationship.
Where did that thread go?
He took my physical submission with him until he is back with me and weaves it back into me but does not tie it off.
Am I crazy to feel this way. To feel that he took my submissive spirit with him.
I've never had this feeling before. I'm not feeling empty or tattered from that thread not being in place. I'm happy because it's in a safe and secure place.
When I talk to him I feel it, I move to that place of wanting to serve. I think of him often. But I'm different, like my submission doesn't exist without him.
I've never given this power to any person in my life. What is it about him that does this? I'll find out one day I'm sure. It's just so different and kind of scares me a little because I don't want to lose myself in him completely.
