This song has a deep significant meaning for me. I believe it came out in 92’ or 93’. I had the privilege of seeing them in Kansas City, Missouri in 2008. When they played this song, I wept like a baby. Amazing performers.
My Dom back then was not into heavy metal. In fact, none of my Dom’s have been into heavy metal but they had no issues with my enjoying the music in my own free time or with headphones on...lol
When I lived in Missouri, I was gifted with 2 tickets by a close friend of mine who had planned on going but due to a family issue and having to be away at the time she had decided to give them to me knowing that I love Metallica.
My Dom wouldn’t allow me to go to a concert like this without a protector. A Dom friend of ours enjoyed heavy metal as well and had been to many concerts over the years, so my Dom insisted I take him with me. He was a retired 55-year-old, Gunnery Sergeant of the Marine Corp, 6’6” huge bugger. A massive man who dwarfed most men. I wore my black leather cuffs with a 4’, 100 lb. resistance lanyard attached to his leather biker bracelet. I thought my Dom and my protector were being dramatic but if any of you have ever been to a heavy metal concert, you’ll understand about the possibilities of being pushed into a mosh pit if close enough. We weren’t close but no one would have even tried to push my protector into a pit. He stood at least a head taller than most of the men that were there, and probably out weighted them by at least 100 lbs. So, I was protected very well. When this song came on, the beginning instrumental did it, I got very emotional. My knees went weak and I staggered a little. My protector grabbed for me and he thought I was feeling faint from the heat and said that we were leaving but I explained to him it was just the song that had affected me and that I would be fine. He pulled me up against his side with his arm wrapped around me tightly, his humongous hand almost crushing my ribs.
I’d like to first explain why this song affected me in this way at the concert. I was with a Dom for 6 years who was a Major in the Armed Forces. He was retired from active duty but was contracted as a civilian in risk management, or something to that effect. He used to have to do a lot of traveling. Normally he’d be gone for 2 or 3 days at a time, but there were times when he would be gone for a week. We had been living together for about 2 months when he had to leave for the first time but only for 3 days. On our way to the closest international airport, which was a little over an hour's drive, he was drilling me on rules...procedures in the case of an emergency...and I could feel a little fear setting in even though I already knew all of what he was telling me. I was afraid of disappointing him is what it was. As we walked into the airport, I could feel tears threatening to expose themselves. He could see the distress in my face, and his words to me were; “I trust you baby girl, I will always be close here (putting his hand on my heart) and here (putting his hand on my head near my temple), no matter how far away I am”. This made the tears fall and he kissed each of my eyes and said, “Make me proud!”. He turned and walked away towards the secure area. I didn’t want to see him leave my sight so I turned and went to the lady's room. Fixed my makeup. Walked to the car with this little bit of fear still plaguing me. I sat and did my breathing exercises that I was taught when I would get anxious. Turned on the car, switched the station on the radio and this song was playing. It was almost like an epiphany, one of those moments that will stick with you for the rest of your life, the words he had said to me in the airport were so close to the words of this song that they would keep me going until he returns...but I never realized just how those words would affect my life in many ways throughout my life, including this very day. Another aspect of this song is the word “they” which I view as “vanilla” people. My Dom was 22 years my senior and the first time someone commented on our age difference he told me, “Keep an open mind and be understanding of what they think but remember, it doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters but our need and love for one another.” Although my Dom was a very militant Dominant man, he showed a soft side of himself with me. He had a bit of a romantic side but not in the sense some would imagine, but to me it was romantic.
So back to the monster of a protector almost crushing my rib cage...lol...I could feel the emotions starting to emerge. I think it was the body contact and the comfort he made me feel that caused the emotions to run freely. I started feeling the pain, the hurt, the loneliness I felt for my Major. It was already 3 years that he had released me into the care of my then Dom but I had loved my Major so deeply that no matter how long it had been I still missed him deeply. The agony that I had felt, the last few months that I was with my Major seeing the strong Dominant mind change, was awful. Ad the song played on I cried harder, my protector held me closer and eventually was wrapped in both his arms and my sobs were so intense that he thought I was going into a mental break down...lol...but I assured him, through the hick ups that I would be fine. About a year before I parted from my Major, he started having issues with repeating himself or forgetting. One of the superiors had noticed and suggested he see a Psychiatrist. This led to many doctor appointment and tests. A month prior to his 59th birthday he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I was willing to stay with him and take care of him but he said he didn’t want me to see him in the condition that they told him he would eventually be in. He wanted me to remember him as the Dominant I grew to love. The only parts that I had seen of the disease were the memory issues. There were the occasions where I’d get an email from him asking how I was but it wasn’t often. Last I heard he was still recognizing family members and would occasionally ask where I was, forgetting that he had released me over 10 years before that. But I haven’t heard anything in the past 3 years. He would be 74 now. Might be a little morbid but I do check the obituaries where he lives now, with family. But he was a very big part of my submissive growth and I loved him deeply.
This afternoon I decided to put on some music while I went and ran a few errands. I was going through my various play lists and decided on the softer side of heavy metal because I was feeling a bit dreary so needed something to fit my mood. I need to work through my feelings without just pushing them down, otherwise they will just resurface and I’d rather deal with them than have them trouble me later. This might not be the proper word for what I do but it’s almost like I savor those feelings for those moments that I have them. I think I do this so that they won’t stick and linger. So, if I savor those moments and chew on them for a time, the taste of them will become less flavorful and I swallow them which in turn ends up being expelled. (Sorry I love metaphors or idioms.) I did so today, and I then moved on to the tastier side of life, so to speak. I found this song to be an epiphany once again. My King is with me in heart and mind. He trusts me to be at my best behavior and to make him proud to own me. The significance between my Major and my King is similar, but yet different. My Major was much older, my King is much younger. People looked differently at me and my Major because he was 22 years my senior. People will look differently at me and my King, but not just because he is 11 years my junior but because of his marital status. Hence the meanings I’ve taken from this song, which are just as significant with my King as they were when I was with my Major.
I trust you, I will always be close no matter how far away I am. They equal vanilla people. Keep an open mind and be understanding of what they think but remember, it doesn’t matter. Nothing else matters but our need and love for one another.
Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters
Something that I feel compelled to share. While with my Domina she worked with some Military men and women. During that time she became friends with my Major and had been friends for many years, therefore I knew him very well before she handed me over to his care and I gave him my submission. Being that my Major had been in the military for many years he had made friends all over the world. My Missouri Dom would come to Canada to hunt in the fall and I got to know him a little before my Major decided to release me into his care. My Missouri Dom had been in the Army but didn't make it a career. He still had a lot of Military friends that we socialized with. He was also in the police force for many years which kept him in that military mindset. My protector the Gunnery Sergeant, was a good friend of his, and was into BDSM as well. There were times that my Dom couldn't come to lifestyle gatherings with me, or to a special dungeon night but I wanted to go, he would send my protector with me. I became good friends with him but it was purely platonic. He was my protector and made sure no one tried to Dominate me or harm me. There was always a military presence in my BDSM life, in some way or another. I was used to very strong mentalities, assertive to almost being aggressive. It's been close to 10 years that I haven't had that type of relationship and I don't require it any more. In fact I enjoy the sensual and slow progression of how my King moves my mind and body. My needs have changed, my desires have turned more toward the sensual, and it is my King who has shown me that the military Dominant is no longer what I want in my life. Perhaps it is my age as well. I have become more sensual and sexual. Not only that but over those 10 years I've become more independent and strong...moving me away from those strong almost aggressive Dominants. But yet I still have the need to be owned, to serve, but not to the point of not having a choice in certain areas of my life. Perhaps I'm not a slave in the true meaning of a slave, but I still have the desire to be controlled and I would submit to anything my King desired, within my limits.