My needs of the lifestyle doesn’t just consist of being beaten or controlled by my Dominant but to be shown that I am an important part of the relationship and that what I desire can be fulfilled if I serve him with respect and total submission. When I show him that I belong to him in every way willingly, he in turn willingly gives me all that I need and desire.
I am in search of poly, eventually. I’ve lived it and loved it. I get a great deal of pleasure seeing my Master served and cared for by others. I am also bisexual so those whom I’ve lived poly with were bisexual as well. It gave my Dominant/Owner great pleasure to have us both serve her/him, whether it be domestic, emotional/mental, or play/sexual. And she/he gained great pleasure in seeing her/his subs play with each other as well.
The dynamics of living poly is much more different than a monogamous Dominant and submissive relationship. It’s harder emotionally and physically. Not all Dominant or submissive people can handle it. It’s always changing in some way. When I first entered this type of relationship I was naïve and thought it would be easy sharing my Dominant. In play and sexually yes it was easy, but the emotional side of it took some time. Seeing the one that you love, deeply connect emotionally in that way that they connect with you can be a shock and will cause worry of whether he desires you the same as he desires the other.
One of the things that I learned very early on in my BDSM and poly life is that Dominants don’t love or connect with their subs in the same way. If a poly Dom tells you he loves or connects with his subs all the same, he’s not being honest. Just like a parent will say they don’t have a favorite. There is always a favorite no matter how much they say there isn’t. I know I have siblings and am a mother.
I’ll never claim I was a favorite or connected with my Dominants better or deeper. I will always claim that I was the level-headed part of the submissive component. I knew and understood the protocol better because I was part of deciding that part of our lives. I was what my first Dominant called an alpha in a sense. I helped with vetting, training, and when she wasn’t home I was in charge. Does that mean I’m the favorite or deeper connection, no. It just means that I had the ability and strength to understand how a poly relationship works, and I was accepting. She knew me longer and trusted that I could handle our family while she was away. I look back now and I think, was I privileged? Perhaps, but I never seen it that way.
Not all poly families are the same and it’s wrong to think that you can jump from one poly to another without a change.
When I was passed on to my first male Dominant I was in heaven because I had never been in a relationship with a Dominant MAN. And honestly, I will now only submit to Dominant men. But, there was that something missing and the type I am I always make my thoughts known. Seeing him being served by another is what was missing. He had a poly family before me and he knew I also lived poly before, and he knew that I was the alpha. He didn’t like the word alpha, I was top to the others. I like alpha better…:0….I also needed the bi side of me fulfilled but that could have happened without poly as well.
He and I moved into poly quite easily. The only issue was that the ones we vetted weren’t truly interested in poly, only curious. When we finally found the right one his life was starting to change and our poly life only lasted a year before he got sick. I was then passed on to my 3rd and last long-term 24/7 real-time D/s relationship, poly was tried for awhile, he couldn’t live it so we lived D/s and eventually turned vanilla.
Those voices, the images I have, the needs and wants, the dreams and pleasures…all of being back in those days of fulfillment makes me want it so much once again. I know I have to establish a relationship with a Dominant first and foremost. But the desire of poly is there, even at my age.
Is it a necessity? To be poly? It’s where I was happiest. No, it doesn’t have to be. But it’s what I desire.
