Good morning everybody,
I was pondering a thought over these last few days about how we choose to spend our time. You see Tik Tok videos of people putting themselves into sweaters so they can't move and other talented skills being portrayed. But what about it? Everyone in their lives have some goals they probably want to accomplish, whether they are short term or long term. If you happen to be reading this and think to yourself, well I don't really have ANY goals I suggest you take a deep look and figure some out. Because goals in our lives give us focus, and purpose. They can create a set bar that we would like to achieve, and when we manage to successfully accomplish that task we get a huge sense of appreciation for the effort put forward to master that task. It can release endorphins that fill us with energy, or happiness or just that REALLY "good feeling".
So I wanted to take a moment to share with you my thoughts and some small accomplishments that I have managed to achieve recently in my life. I have started to train in calisthenics since I'm broke and don't like to spend money at the gym. The only restriction to my training is the determination I have to put the effort forward and lift myself. Some days I do really well get very motivated and manage a long 30 min exercise program. Some days I only get in 5 minutes here or there. The thing is I put a little effort into my training each day and try to stay as CONSISTENT as possible. One of my biggest goals for myself in my training is to be able to accomplish a hand stand push up. It sounds impressive and I am making headway, but you know where I'm stuck? I haven't been able to do a handstand since I was in junior high school. Yeah big talk from a guy who can't even manage to balance himself properly yet, but this is what I'm talking about when setting goals. My ultimate goal is to master calisthenics. In order to do that I'm picking one technique that I have no ability to do now, the hand stand push up and working towards it. But that goal can't be accomplished until I master another skill first. The handstand. Today I managed to hold a hand stand for 2 seconds, and that may not seem like much but to me I got so excited I smashed my knee into my couch while jumping for joy. I mean 2 seconds, who cares right? Consider the fact that 6 months ago I couldn't even manage to put myself upside down. Progress!
So why am I talking about this here and now? First I got excited and I wanted to share with everyone. Secondly, this idea of mastery applies to BDSM in a massive and I think extremely important role. You first have to break down the thought process into two portions. No matter what kinks you are into there are two sides to it, the doms side and the subs side. Maybe a few others if there are multiple people introduced into your dynamic. Whatever the case may be, you have to evaluate each kink and the potential hazards that might come along with it. In my case, I LOVE the aesthetic of shibari. One day I would even be interested in learning about suspended rope play. I'm sure you can see the thread I'm trying to follow here as there are some inherently large risks associated with suspending someone by ropes. If you have no clue what you are doing (that's me right now) then you can easily hurt the person you are supposed to be caring for with all of your being. So you have to begin at square 1 and figure out how to tie a knot, and MASTER tying that knot so you know, and the person who trusts you enough to put them in an EXTREMELY VULNERABLE position also knows they are safe. Each individual has to look at the experience for what it can be, and get excited about it, especially when you find something that fills your soul to a depth you have never felt before. But realize each one of those particular kinks has dangers associated with it too. You need to gain mastery over the little bits and pieces of that craft, so that you can guarantee you are safe and reliable enough to let someone risk their well being with you. Just remember though, it takes time and experience. You can't master knowing how to tie a knot without trying it hundreds of thousands of times. Keep in mind though you need to be mindful of the technique in which you learn! You can do a pushup and maybe managed to do 50 of them, but if you practice the wrong way you end up causing damage to your shoulders and do not get the benefit of those 50 pushups if you were to do them with the proper technique. Maybe you managed to use proper technique and now you can only manage 10. It's a big difference but those 10 proper push ups will improve your strength more than the 50 not done well at all.
So let's be mindful. Let's take a moment to look at something and examine it closely. Think about the potential, the good, the exciting and the bad. Are you fully dedicating yourself to a mastery of a skill so that you can protect the person who gives themselves to you? Because if you aren't, you become a hazard to those in this community and to yourself. You need to consider what you do and how you plan to get there. Okay yeah learn how to SAFELY suspend someone with nothing but rope? I'm interested but I have a mountain of steps in front of me to master this. I can't take any shortcuts because at the end of the day the person I am putting at risk is the one who means EVERYTHING to me. Why would I throw them into a dangerous situation with no ability or skill to properly care for them and treat them if something were to go wrong. That's my responsibility as your Dom to make sure nothing goes wrong, and I'm not doing my job to protect you if I don't have the necessary skills.
Now I can't speak to the mind of a sub, but I want to try to be fair here and offer a doms opinion on the matter thinking as a sub. So let's say you are interested in trying X but you have never done it before. You trust your Dom to know he is capable of making sure in the event something goes wrong he will properly care for you and have your well being as his first and most important interest. So you get into X situation and realize the thought of this act was more stimulating than the act itself. You realize "Hey, I'm not into this as much as I was". You call out your safeword, or just say "I'm done" you get let down/out of that situation no problem. Now what happens when your Dom doesn't know what in the hell he is doing? Now as a sub trapped in a situation you suddenly realized is NOT for you and now your Dom is stumbling around trying to react to the fact that things did not go as planned. So I would offer to those subs out there to consider deeply this person you are giving this trust to, and get to know them. Their level of ability and maybe that dangerous act you are both interested in can one day be accomplished together. Just remember that there is no rush to accomplishing your goals. Take your time and feel out what's right for you. Realize as well the idea of something is not always the reality. You can change your mind, and do not be afraid to say "I am not okay with this". If you are with someone who has your best interests at heart they will back off reevaluate and try another approach. If they don't back off then you are in two different spheres of desire, and it may be best to leave that situation. You need to consider what is the best thing for you as no one can live your life for you, and if you choose to give over control to this other being make certain that they are genuinely interested in your well being.
No matter the case, take the time to gain skills. Take the time to get to know yourself. Know what you are capable of, recognize your strengths and weaknesses. The best part though? Weakness does not have to stay that way, so long as you put honest effort to improving that skill it can be turned into a strength. Lets have some fun though because that is what we are here for but let's take a small moment to consider all the ramifications of the things we deeply desire. The good and the bad.
Good luck to all of us out there, and be safe! Don't forget to take this self isolation time to focus on YOU and maybe gain some new skills.
