First I want to express to my thanks to the many individuals I have met here. Every person I have interacted with here has caused me to take stock and reflect. To improve in some small or dramatic way. I haven't been as active this last week or so because I needed some time to process a few things that needed my attention. Sometimes the only way to truly move forward is to take a step back, with few interruptions and begin to evaluate what it is that makes us who we are.
So to begin, what do we consider to be *me*? I was doing some reading, and listening to different podcasts and I encountered an exceptionally interesting thought. Who am I VS who I *THINK* I am? This is exceptionally critical. There is a massive difference between our authentic self, and the person we want or imagine ourselves to be.
Recently I encountered a moment where I had to take a step back and really consider what this lifestyle means. I had approached someone to begin a conversation but at this time we aren't really compatible and there were some concerns expressed. We discontinued our conversation because it was what was necessary for her well being. During this process her protector made some evaluations of me, through my blogs and the interactions I've had on here. She wrote me and was very polite, took the time to discuss the importance of why people are protected (please let's begin to honour this system more!!! People we need to respect and honour what it means when you have someone looking out for your best interests here) She explained why she didn't consider me an appropriate Dom and I'm not going to lie it stung. My ego took a slap to the face and all those emotions, that reaction to the situation made me begin to question somethings about myself. Here's the rub though. Her opinion, was based in observation of my words and actions. So, after a took a second and relaxed a little I had to ask myself the question. Where do I fall short? Why is it that I'm not taken seriously? In what ways am I not serious about this lifestyle? I'm inexperienced, but that's also part of where I am lacking dedication and could improve. I reached out to my mentor and he gave me some really good insights and simply stated I need to go and do more research. I need to find out more. Both of these people are absolutely correct. I lack many things still here, and I will grow and have grown. My mentor offered some excellent resources for me to begin those necessary steps of acquiring more information. Things to consider, he even suggested looking outside of my own preferences and consider how gay, lesbian or triad dynamics work to consider other perspectives. It's about opening yourself and your mind to the potential. I believe part of the reason we may not consider someone else's perspectives is because we are so focused on us, and the biases and some prejudices we hold. What if we can allow to release those thoughts and objectively evaluate what a dynamic means and why it works or doesn't. I found in this moment, I realized why I wasn't seen as serious. Because I'm "not". I haven't researched as much as I should have, I haven't sought out the information I needed to become more informed. I have to be willing to look at myself from someone else's perspective and ask HONESTLY in what ways am I perceived this way? Why would they believe *X* about me? Is there validity to their concerns, in what ways am I falling short without realizing it? Honestly looking at yourself you begin to see "Oh, I could do this better. I could work on that." I see how I am perceived because some of my actions align and set up that view of me. There is a basis for why people create views of us. Now we need to take this with a grain of salt. By no means am I saying listen to all the opinions people have about you. What I merely want you to consider is "why does this person see me this way?" Is there a valid reason for their concern? If so, WHY? It's not about listening to some jackass that's spouting off their mouth because someone pissed in their cereal this morning. You also should consider the relationship this person has to you, or the people you are interacting with. Has this been a chance encounter and this is the first time you are speaking? How well does this person know you and what are their intentions when voicing their concerns? Are they telling you this to protect someone, or to insult you? So of course each situation is different, and we must objectively begin to evaluate where we may not be as far along in our journey than WHERE WE THINK WE ARE! Wooooo! Now I'm excited and you want to know why? Because in that moment of honesty I was able to take a small step forward in my own journey. I realized where an area was that I could improve, and because of my mentor I now have the resources to go and search for that which I'm missing.
Now. Let's refocus.
Me vs who I think I am. We all struggle with this. We allow the ego to step in and say "Oh I should be a professional football player. I can't run, I have no eye hand coordination and trip over nothing all the time, but I WANT to be a professional football player". (Not really just an example people) We can allow our desires to cloud the authentic view of who we are. No one wants to fail or let down their friends. No one wants to lie or harm other people, but it happens. We let those who are significant in our lives down in someway. The difference is in the perspective. Firstly, Is this right for me? Is this in line with who I am as an authentic person? Or is it shaded with doubt because I am trying to force myself into someone else's framework? I desire to be everything for *you* so I will shift and break this part of me to fit into *your* life. This is where we need to take the time to know ourselves, to look deep into us and see our actions, choices and desires. Not the things we would like to be, or how we desire to be *X*. Those views can be beneficial, those desires are a wonderful thing when they align with the authentic person you are. Just make sure you aren't trying to pull yourself away by thinking "I need to be this or that way."
The reason I bring all of this up is because I struggle with this. Am I truly dominant? Is enjoying control enough to make me dominant? Who am I authentically? Are there other side's to me I hadn't considered before? The answer in short is yes. Over this last weekend I was fortunate enough to have a friend offer me their help. They gave me an opportunity and space to find out what I needed to about myself. Not that it was anything special. We talked and laughed, found out about each other, joked about silly things and discussed important moments from our past. There was no destination we were just talking, but throughout our discussions I found a critical change in my thinking. I'm not just dominant, because I have the ability to submit. In many ways I am a switch. I can be dominant sure, I *desire* to be dominant, but that's me trying to force myself solely into a box. To fit a label. What I am is a beautiful person, who sees dominance and submission as both equally valuable. I had a friend from way back in high school, something he said to me back then struck a chord with me and has always stuck with me. He asked me "would you ever do something you asked someone else to try?" For his instance he wanted a girl to try anal for the first time and he offered to try as well to show it wasn't so bad. To me that really impacted me. When I think about submission and why we choose to submit for me it comes down to the simple fact, I want to show you the dedication I expect. I can offer myself and say "this is the level of effort I require". Let me show you the dedication I have to you, and allow me the opportunity to demonstrate exactly how I see submission. It's to set a framework for my expectations when I retain my dominance. So that when we struggle there is a reminder of what it is we are working towards together. I've learned a lot about myself. I've begun to find the pieces of who I *TRULY* am. Not just the person I desire to be.
I'm taking my steps towards my true self, and I hope you all manage to move forward in some way today. My suggestion for dramatic improvement in your life today would be to learn to objectively evaluate the situations of your life. Discern the difference between what I *THINK* I want, and what is it that I *NEED*. I'm still making my way, but I feel more complete. I feel more ready to take action in my day because I know and understand better who exactly I am.
Somethings to ponder and look at, and I truly hope this may offer some guidance to furthering your own journey.
I hope everyone has a phenomenal day, and remember to smile!!
