Hi! Hello, and welcome!!
Really, greetings and salutations.
Other words and things.
Okay, so today. What a great and awesome day. I finally had my investigation resolved at work and I found out the results today. Basically, I had 3 seperate events. 2 technically related to my job, and the other incident was me being super smart.... *Sarcasm warning* -------------∆
Basically I was caught on a jobsite without my hardhat. Strike 1. I attempted to recycle personal items in a bin designated for company use only. Strike 2. The last item up for consideration was a job that had some complications and got out of hand. We were attempting to shut off a break and had to continually back up in order to isolate the system. The issue? The extent to which we went to shut off the water, and without the guidance of our supervisor. Although we did call him to ask what we needed to do, and I could argue points against this injustice but regardless this was strike 3. Normally, you'd be out of the ballgame. In a manner of speaking I am, I got slapped with a 4 day suspension without pay. The thing is though, my next incident that requires a meeting and some paper means my ass is out the door and terminated. So I'm standing on my last legs.
Here's the thing I take a large amount of pride in my work. This is one area of my life where I excel. I know in my personal life I struggle with procrastination but when it comes to work I show the fuck up. I know of the 10 individuals that work within my immediate job title, I would say I'm top 2 for customer service if not the top contender. Perhaps I don't know every miniscule detail about my work, but I know what I need to do to handle almost any situation. I use my best judgement to make a call, and take responsibility for the decisions I make. It's pretty funny because in the letter they mentioned my "lack of remorse" in regards to my infractions. Here's the thing. I fucked up. I accept responsibility and acknowledge that in the future I will toe the line. But at this point everything is in the past. I made my choices and decisions. There is literally nothing I could have done to change anything during that meeting when I had my opportunity to explain why I did what I did. So I told the complete truth, with no regrets for what I did. The thing is I would have chosen those same actions in those particular moments time and time again. No matter how many redos I would have done it the same in all 3 instances. Although now I have a much better way to dispose of my recycling which I will continue to use from now on so I don't get myself into anymore trouble. But the point is I didn't have remorse for my actions, I choose my actions and would do so again. I'm not going to hold back what I think is right in a situation regardless of what my supervisor says. Although ironically when we actually followed the new mandate put in place by management we wound up causing all those problems. If we would have used our judgement we could have easily resolved the issue and moved on. My partner wanted to make a point and I agreed that we should. Well point made, and now my Monday has turned into Friday. The best part is now when I come back I work a single night and am on my weekend again. When you choose not to care about money it becomes a great opportunity to extend my vacation. Honestly I hate the idea of money. But that's because I have none of it. Not really, it's still a terrible idea. The entire system of interest. That the longer you have something the more of it you owe. Why is it not possible to have a flat exchange rate. And equal amount give and taken. I mean it would be nice to see that exist within the dynamic as well. But with money it's a system that perpetuates not having enough. You need to buy more to be happy, go out and get this and find happiness in that. Buy things and fill your house until there isn't any room for anything left. I just wish we could go back to a barter system sometimes. Exchange. Equal value respective to what each party feels is fair. But money isnt going anywhere, so I just need to find another way to make all my debt disappear.
So I wound up singing karaoke for the first time ever. I have been to karaoke bars with friends in the past but I never sang a song in front of people because I had zero confidence in my singing. So the other night was the first time I ever got the nerve to sing in front of people. I've sang in front of people before but I don't know this was a totally different experience. Probably because those people I sang for were my family. Anyways, I crushed it and had a really super fun time. Although the first song I sang my whole body was shaking, although that happens when I'm extremely nervous. I turned my whole body into a vibrator, but still managed to finish the song in decent form. So I was thinking about recording a version of that song I sang on karaoke night. So tomorrow I will do some recording and present a little something something in a blog.
I also attended a workshop the other night and we had a discussion afterwards and it was just interesting to see people who understood themselves and could stand and say "Yup this is me". The thing was I tried at one moment to open up and speak but I miss hit the button (since I was on push to talk) so everything I said ended not going through and so instead of trying again I completely shut down and just listened the rest of the night. But I also realized I still don't have definitive answers to all of my questions yet. So it's hard to walk into a "room" of 40 some odd people and spout nonsense about who you are when you don't even know yet. I would rather remain silent until I have the answers I can proudly say. I mean I can say I'm a switch that prefers to dominate. Which is a start but it seemed everyone spoke with a tone of acceptance and reverence for those around them. To be considerate of how many people there are and how unique and different each of us are with our own particular quirks (*MHA reference* for the anime nerds, I also have a blog idea with this premise coming in the future)
Our quirks our the things we battle within ourselves, they are the odd things that make us special, like a voice we can create, perhaps a dance move no one else can pull off. They are the ways we interpret information. The part of ourselves that we can look at and say I know what you are and how you matter in my life. But it's also the physical limitations our bodies puts on us. Perhaps you're colour blind. Maybe you feel you should be another gender. I've never really encountered this in my lifetime. I mean I have, but I was a super sheltered kid in so many ways. So I didn't have any understanding of what it's like to have to endure being misdiagnosed with illnesses. Or different issues that plagues the mind. The lists of phobias and different diseases is staggering. When you really begin to delve into the world of germs, parasites and the sometimes grossness.
With all the different things that humanity has to deal with, it's about understanding what it is that the other person contends with. When you agree to do a a scene you need to know what is going on with your partner, so getting into their mindset and knowing their bodies limits, being able to support them with safeties in place. Knowing which limits shouldn't be tested, and which can be pushed. Especially for that day, and the events, and their mood and whether or not their is a light on in the room. (Sorry, side story. My instructor gave us an example where her scene went sideways because a red light kept her distracted she had to end the scene.) So anything can be a "trigger" it's about handling the situation that also takes people's feelings into consideration. How do you best address this awkward thing in a manner that doesn't ruin the moment. Sure there are rules set and here is how it's all going to go and everything is perfect. Until it isn't. So how do you best handle that and move forward so everyone can still have fun and enjoy why we love doing what we do. Just take the time to learn and understand. First yourself, then find the kink you love and learn about it. There are different risks for all different types of play and you need to be armed with the information of what to do, what not to do, and when to defer to someone with more experience.
We all have to start somewhere, and it's just about communicating with the people that matter most to you. Be open and honest. Because you deserve to be the happiest you can be by just existing as you are. Once you find your true self. But that's just the start of journey. Once you understand yourself you can then see how you fit with other people and work on finding the right ones that mesh with you. Then it's a process of learning. It's about understanding every one portion of the person that stands in front of you. And once you understand, and feel that spark and connection. That everything is still aligned and you both are on the same page (Speaking of pages - Making sure you understand definitions the same way. It's really easy to see how people's views don't line up when they are working with two different definitions.) Then you manage to finish the book together and everyone wins.
One thing I was really impressed with that I felt kind of foolish for not thinking about before was how does aftercare change when a scene goes sideways. What would the differences be and depending on what caused the disruption you might have different forms of aftercare for different types of causes. But my opinion remains that how you perform your aftercare should be relevant to the cause so that there is understanding achieved, as well as healing.
Anyways, just some take aways of what Ive learned lately, experienced and what's going on in my life a tiny bit.
I hope everyone has a wonderful evening, see you in the morning!
