Good Morning Everybody,
So I have a few ideas rattling around in the old noodle. I wanted to express part of them, but nothing has been fully formed into actual thoughts.
This can be a dangerous place for me to write from. (In the sense that this is about this be complete nonsense, enjoy!!)
So I recently read a blog in which there were promises made and low and behold at the end of the day what was said wasn't meant. Or for whatever reason person disappeared. This is such a regular occurrence it seems.
The thing is there is a leap taken for everyone when you decide to place trust in someone. For me this is something that is a need. I need to be trusted.
Why?
Well that would do with my past relationships and what happened. See in this moment I have a choice to be as honest about my past and let anyone in as much as I choose.
Well to those that time the time to read my words. If you never clicked on my ramblings then you wouldn't be here.
But this is about trust in many ways. I recently spoke with someone that clearly gave me something I needed and without realizing even how much of a need it was in my life. She gave me some of her trust in a way that she has never shown for anyone else.
That right there is the moment I need. To be vulnerable and open, to say "This is a special part of me no one else knows."
A lot of this stems from creating a cycle of failing in a 10 year long relationship. I created a pattern by actions chosen, to destroy the trust of my partner who was my girlfriend/fiance/wife/soon-ish to be ex (still beginning to figure this out). It's been a crazy journey and you look back with different eyes than those that walked through it.
But I got to a point where I was finally working past breaking that cycle. I was on the way to a better path as a husband, and man of the house. I was earnestly trying for her but the ways she needed love was not the way I was showing. I also continued to make errors that were pretty harmful and was not a healthy person myself. The issue that hurts the most is when it's your issues that spill into someone's life that causing ruin. In many ways there was good, but her path is harder to walk because of the extra baggage I have attached on. She will always have something special to unpack from me for the rest of her days that she will need to handle in her way.
When you have added a tremendous weight to someone's life. You realize how it is to *not act*. Because if you continue to follow the same cycles nothing ever changes.
But part of all of that is honesty. Being honest online as if you were there in person. Because if you choose to make up someone else when you meet in real life all of that time has been wasted. Both of your time because you pretended to be someone you weren't. Or you disappeared because you couldn't express a shortcoming because it was too difficult to talk about. I mean there are a million reasons to leave with no excuse or explanation.
You're left wondering of the million possibilities of what happened? Because feedback is important. It can help guide you to correct behaviour in the future. If you take the time to ingrain the lesson within yourself.
But that is work. Effort and dedication to yourself and your future partner.
Are you willing to put in the work?
Will you take the leap?
Some of those out there will catch you.
Some will let you fall.
It's exceedingly difficult to tell the difference when you can make anyone up as a profile.
That's why this is all based on the honour system. Are you being authentically you with those you interact with?
If not, why is that? Are you afraid to be seen?
New flash!
We all are.
In whatever way we struggle we all have demons and those things we are afraid to show someone else. It's just being willing to give the other person the respect to say:
"This is me, I hope we are compatible."
Because you will find people who look at you laugh, or shake their head in disbelief.
But then there are those that look at you and think "Okay, now what?". It's finding these people that it's important to be who you are.
Authentic.
Because when those people see you and think about you and turn their mind to you. That is when you know the relationship is more significant. It's finding those people to connect with.
But not everyone will see you that way. And if you mask who you are, then there is no hope in hell since you aren't expressing your needs and showing your vulnerabilities. It's when someone loves you because of your flaws and scratches and scars. The worst parts of you.
That's what we all hope to find within someone.
It's there, and you can find it. But remain honest. Be open and sometimes it's about taking a leap to see whether or not this person you are placing your trust in will catch you or not.
But we all leap.
Let's try to leap with joy and a sense of hope that those we interact with are who they say they are. At least a little bit, unless you get one of those types of feelings. Even to find out more from the people around them.
I would use cautious optimism with being aware of the actions taken, and whether or not they align with the words being spoken.
It seems to be a common mention in comments to trust your *gut feeling*, since I don't really get those I mean you can trust your instincts but I've been led astray in everyway of thinking. From my own senses, from my gut feelings, from advice Ive taken friends and family.
In so many ways we are all looking for that special person in our life that completes us. It's just about making sure we all show up honestly to give each of us the chance to determine whether we are a legitimate friends or dynamic compatible or play partners or however you are looking to connect.
Anyways, ramble over.
Have a good one people!
