Hello Cage friends,
I was being super silly earlier when attempting to write this blog and by happen stance it was deleted. But all things occur for a reason as I just had a "Yowza" kind of moment.
First let me say take a minute and I hope to direct you to CivilizedStallions blog "You're More Than You Think". Superbly written and very much my mentality in regards to this lifestyle. I used to have a massive problem in University actually more than a few, but I ultimately wound up failing out because I was not able to manage the mountain range of tasks that was set before me. I forgot the most basic thing. You don't do anything large. You take it one portion, one small tiny step towards the grander picture. You don't paint a masterpiece using one stroke. It's in the hundreds of thousands of tiny detailed strokes that create the masterpiece.
So first a warning to new dominants, do not rush. It's not a race to see who can finish first. It's not about accomplishing everything today. Depending where you start you might have 100,000 steps or maybe just 10,000 if you already have previous background experience etc etc.
Today was a monumental day. I had amazing conversation at the end of my night shift with some good friends, my coworker and I were listening to some fantastic music while we worked and I was able to offer some support to a friend through a story written for her.
Not only that when I got home I was able to connect with someone who has always helped me see things clearly and today was even better than I could have imagined. Not only did our conversation yield fruit for myself but it opened her eyes just a little. We both were able to walk away with some new information and I was excited.
The concept that we were working on revolved around a conversation we had in the past. That previous conversation was about being able to work on a scene together. Now this is a really big opportunity for me. I have been here around 8 months maybe? Check my sign up date because I'm not doing it. Anyways, despite my time here and as far as I have come learning more about myself, gaining a lot more self awareness and many other skills that have slowly been added even without my understanding that they were there I have never actually had a scene with ANYONE.
Now if you are a long time subscriber to my blog you will know that I mentioned very early on about how I got into this lifestyle with my ex. But we didn't scene. I was instadomming like a kid in a parade. I honestly had no understanding of what I was doing, trying to accomplish and because of that things stagnated and we came to the realization we weren't correct for each other, and of course there is a lot more to that whole implosion of a relationship and it was not just that conversation but a myriad of things that led to its downfall. (Starting correctly really helps) just one more tidbit of useful information.
After all this time I have an opportunity to put everything I have learned to the test. To begin to prove to myself that I am more than a top, but a legitimate fully recognizable dominant within my own eyes.
The thing is about the intention. It's about understanding why I want this. What about it drives me and to what purpose? It's about seeing a need for my s type. What is something that I can actively try to improve in her life? So you focus on what you know about her. You take the time to consider her, and all that she is and that you have come to know. Suddenly you can see it, that thing that monster, that grotesque piece that they scream and yell inside at themselves for. That thing that holds power over them in some aspects despite how well they try and hide it.
So you've identified your target, okay so now what? What do you do? What's the plan from here? How do you change that? Is it a simple one step process? *note above* So what is the goal, and how do you see that becoming a reality. What steps will be taken in order to make this change.
So you start to see parts of it, but there is much to work on. That's alright though, despite what you are looking to do rushing the process because you are excited won't lead to any benefit. You need to remain calm and slowly methodically work through.
The next step would be to enact it. To put it into practice and see how it goes.
Then the part that I was lacking.
It's understanding what you want for your s type, how they begin to see what you want for them and then the actual response of reality and it affecting them. Which is where aftercare comes in to evaluate.
Okay, did my intention and my suspected goal of what I wanted to achieve and where I wanted to lead my s type, did we get there? Is her answer to my scene during the conversation had (which might be the "after" aftercare) depending on the scene. But did her answer and response and what she received line up with my intended goal? Did we achieve harmony within this kink we both enjoy and get something out of?
If YES, then: celebrate!!! And proceed to step 2.
If NO, then carefully examine why it didn't work. Where was the miscommunication. Was it that my goal was unrealistic? Was it that I just choose the wrong method to bring across this idea I am hoping to instill? Was it that my s type was in the wrong headspace or what, why, and how will I do better NEXT time. Especially using this new information gained. A little clearer picture, but more work to do.
I am very optimistic about my first scene although I don't think it will be something that I post about as that it will remain for my friend and it will be her choice to share the experience if she so chooses.
The greatest thing about this concept?
I applied to not to a scene but a conversation.....
Yeah have you ever had "aftercare" over a conversation. If you haven't I would suggest giving it a try.
So after my conversation with my friend and the gift of knowledge that she was able to bestow upon me, I didn't even realize it until I was speaking with another friend and saw a clear opportunity to put this into practice. I was kind of chuckling to myself as if I was the most clever person, like I had figured out some cheat code to life and the game of bdsm. (Please do not take that literally, I very much consider this a lifestyle and hope to embody it within everything I do)
During this conversation, I was able to see and ask myself, what is my intention behind this and what do I hope her response will be/what am I expecting it to be? Am I able to read her mind and predict hopefully how my line of questioning is directing her for what I had intended it to be.
Turns out the mark was missed a tad. Because I designed it so that the test was built into the second question that seemingly had nothing to do with what was going on, but in reality it was the hidden test that was supposed to be unseen for a reason. I was looking for her genuine reaction. And if she had known I was intending something and she decided to choose the correct answer then I would have been given a false positive and gone into step 2 without actually having achieved our first building block.
So without her knowledge the hidden test was implemented. The thing is if she had answered the way I imagined, then I would have celebrated with her and told her about her unknowing successes and we could have taken one step further into trust and understanding.
But that didn't happen. So I went back and tried to explain myself and my reasoning and did a little aftercare, determining where things went wrong and what the breakdown was. Luckily her answers offered some insight but ultimately I also realized my method was incorrect. The goal was very likely not going to be reached by my line of questioning, but that's okay. Information gained. Lesson learned.
Time to try again.
Hopefully more progress will be made.
Till next time, have a day.
