Hello Cage friends,
How is your evening today? Mine was a little interesting. So I have a little song that I wanted to share, it's a very important conversation topic and considering my recent actions I need to take a minute to talk about this.
So in case the issue isnt clear I need to address a moment that I recently made a poor intentional choice.
I made a consent violation.
I had information that was given to me in faith, with the purpose of building trust and confidence within me to keep that safe. It was entrusted to me.
I gave that information away to another person and I did so without permission.
We need to all remember no matter how big or small it may seem a consent violation is a serious thing. Having privileged information entrusted to you should be as precious as your s type. The things told and expressed to you are yours because trust was built. You can destroy someone's life by revealing information that isn't yours to give away. There are real consequences and lives can be changed when you choose to violate someone's consent.
This topic should always be dealt with absolute seriousness and as a man I deeply respect in the lifestyle would say "Is grounds for excommunication". Now my consent violation was on the much lower end of the scale in terms of what is considered a consent violation but by no means does that indicate any less importance on the issue.
We as dominants hold a massive responsibility to the well being of those who trust us. When we take action and give away something precious to us, as the information gifted to us is ours to keep and protect because all we can do is treasure their words when they live miles away from us. I can't hold her in my arms and so I must ensure I treat her words as if an extension of her. With the same reverence and admiration and in the way I wish to hold her.
I did not choose that path when I choose to give her name away without her permission.
In fact I very well started to dismantle the work I've done. But it's also about our actions afterwards. It's about the way we handle ourselves when we make a mistake. They happen, they suck, and we are all human. Sometimes we make a Whoops. It's the fact that you can see what you did, see the effect and the damage for what it could be if you don't approach the situation honestly. Although take that with a grain of salt. It's hard to argue if for example "limit of the scene, no penetration" and the top chooses to ignore that. Kind of hard to argue the point that it was an accident and not intentional, and in that case they should be removed from the scene or at least have it be made known the danger they are to those within the community.
But the question is did you see your action for what it was? Did you make the effort to express how important it is that you understand what was done incorrectly? Did you express your remorse for breaking their trust? Did you bring it forward yourself because you want to live with integrity? Did you act honestly and sincerely?
Hopefully yes, hopefully you understand the gravity of the situation. Hopefully you take this lesson and never repeat it on this scale or any other. Because this is a dead serious issue.
Of course you also must remember to apply grace to yourself and make sure your next step forward is with care. With thoughtful consideration. But ensure you move forward. Don't stay here stuck in this mistake. Accept it, move forward out of the mire and muck of the situation and continue onward. Remember also that you were forgiven for being able to come forward honestly, but if you had chosen to also lie about the consent violation that things drastically change. Remember to act with integrity, be forthcoming and sincere.
We all make mistakes, it's in how we own up to them. It's how we choose to deal with the fact we are human, and won't ever be perfect. But that's perfectly fine considering we are all we can be, and we are those that care deeply. We trust deeply. We protect. We ensure safety. We provide comfort. We embody strength and yet accept the support when we require it. There is so much depth to the relationships we form, even in friendship (blog on this topic in the future) there is a level that just can't be found anywhere else. It's why we love the lifestyle and choose to not live any other way. But make sure you show up appropriately for the trust placed in you by the friends you have made. It's very important.
Hopefully you manage to have a wonderful evening, and are able to learn something from my mistake.
