Hello Cage friends,
I wanted to share a story with you today, a little insight into me, my life, my preferences, and to delve into a topic of conversation that currently baffles me.
So today, I am at work. While my partner and I were driving out to a job we got to experience a number of interesting sights. As it's a beautiful day for October, there were a number of people out and about. As we drove up to the job we needed to complete, we happened to pass 2 women out for a stroll. As we began to drive past them my male brain began an evaluation of each female form. These friends (perhaps siblings) had some slight differences between them. They were both caucasian, but the female on the left was shorter with blonde hair. The female on the right was taller and a brunette. Now both of them were walking the same direction we were heading so all I could see were the clothes they wore, their hair, and as we approached I couldn't see their faces or determine any features other than the general forms. The thing was the shorter female on the left not only wore colours that pulled my attention more I also noticed that from their feet all the way to the tops of their heads the differences were fairly apparent. Now both of these women could be considered attractive. I doubt many men would have looked at either and been turned off (although there may be some who had no interest in either female) but I almost immediately recognized that I would have approached the female on the left. If I were to try and speak with them, I know exactly why I would have chosen to approach the female on the left first as my primary choice. Beginning from the bottom working my way upwards the female on the right was a little lanky, she kind of seemed pencil-ish. Her calf's werent well defined, she seemed to be pretty much straight all the way from the bottom to the top of her form. The shorter female had beautiful calf's, they flared out and added to the sensuality of her form, she had small knees but her thighs expanded and she had wide hips. Not only that she had the most pleasant plump rump that I tend to adore. She had curves, there was movement in her form, she had a natural hourglass figure and there was an immediate pull towards all the aspects of what composed her female form. She just seemed more proportionate, and just pulled at my desire. I know what I like, and I have always been attracted to very curvaceous women. They just do something for me, I mean I adore an hourglass shape. I even enjoyed when my ex would put on a corset and help accentuate her curves. I love the idea of using clothing to help create an even more appealing form, because adding a little bit of clothing can take an already beautiful woman and help make her even more dazzling. Just the same as when applying a bit of makeup to help draw the eye to certain features.
Just because I know what I like though and just because you might have similar interest in kink does that mean that this person that you have been getting to know is the person for you?
So the concept I've been mulling about through my noodle space is this, how do you know this person is more than just a play partner? How do you know when someone is a life partner? Someone who goes beyond being infatuated with and is a true love of your life?
Well when I first found this site I received some very good advice. Find out about yourself, take a test and identify your love languages. It was pretty funny because I always assumed that my primary love language is touch. I found out that time is ACTUALLY my primary form of love language that I receive most, feel most and appreciate most. I think that's a good thing because all of the candidates that I am speaking with live in areas wayyyy too far away for me to be able to connect except through online mediums. The thing is I have also found out how important it is that I am able to affect positive change, positive growth, and being able to fulfill my purpose by helping those around me find themselves.
It's very interesting though because there are many people who don't see things the way I do. I remember having a conversation with a friend and I had a "Eurika" moment. She helped me find a part of my identity. Part of what makes me up and showed me who I am. The funny part was when I expressed my joy with her at her help she mentioned "It wasn't a big deal, anyone could have helped you find that" but the thing was it wasn't just anyone. It was her. In many ways because I can't touch, or interact except through my words if I don't celebrate and embrace my ability for someone to help find themselves then what do I have? I mean to me, if the work I put in that shows someone else "Oh, wow this is me and I never knew that before." Doesn't mean much of anything to them then why put any effort in at all? I know that being able to facilitate that understanding has value to me, and I would hope that those I interact with feel the same way because often times my ability to offer myself comes in very limited ways when currently my only form of interaction is from a distance. My words only have so much of an impact, and sometimes they have no impact whatsoever (depending on who hears them, and how they interpret or experience my words)
So this whole concept, what makes an appropriate life partner? It's someone who sees value in the way I act, that I also receive value from. It has to be a give and take, because I can't abide by a situation where all I do is take. I felt like that was the situation with my ex in many ways, and feeling like I wasn't offering enough value left me empty and broken. Because I need to know that what I bring is enough. That who I am is enough. That my failure, my mistakes, my misgivings are still enough. The thing is perfection is not possible. No one can or will be perfect, but there is another concept to understand. There is someone or those who are perfect for me. That all they are, within the failings, shortcomings and despite all of those things "wrong" with them they are still perfect for me. I have found those in my life who I want to spend more of my time with, that literally seeing them puts a smile on my face and warms my heart. I have those that I wish to be able to do more for, spend more of my time with and even though I haven't ever met them I would love the chance to see them in person and develop even more of a connection.
But of those people many of them have interest from other capable and respectable dominants. The thing I also struggle with is "Will they settle for me?" "Would choosing me mean they were missing a better opportunity with someone else?" Because then I would feel as if I am robbing them of a chance for true happiness in life. I would be stealing someones true perfect match and I wouldn't be able to abide with that. The thing is I also still have much to experience within this lifestyle and my thoughts of what I want are still being determined. There is so much that I need to continue to find out.
The thing is I am unwilling to settle for anyone less than perfect for me, and I would not want the person who I am with to ever settle for me. I want to be their first choice with no hesitation. Because I am perfect for them.
I am beginning to see more of myself, my desire and who I truly wish to be. I am forming the clear picture of myself, and working to put myself right where I need to be. Those meant to be in my life will find a way into my life.
I recently had a moment where I had two sets of plans for tomorrow which just happens to be Thanksgiving. I had one set of plans with my family, and I had an offer for plans to go hiking and check to see if the Inukshuk that was built a few weeks ago is still standing. In many ways I opened myself to opportunity and found that the plans with my family weren't going to work out because my parents no longer could make it to see my sister. She happens to live in a different city than my family. Which now means I have a clear choice ahead of me, I will be able to go hiking with my friend and be able to reach the summit after we check on our Inukshuk. It's going to be a fantastic way to begin my weekend and to remember what I am thankful for.
I hope everyone is able to reconnect and remember that there are bountiful opportunities in front of you, it just takes seeing the good of what you have instead of what you don't.
I hope everyone has a wonderful evening and fantastic Turkey Day if you happen to be celebrating.
