Hello Cage friends,
*Disclaimer: Cannabis was used in the making of this blog*
What is a tool? What do we consider to be a tool?
A quick google definition gives us this: a device or implement, especially one held in the hand, used to carry out a particular function.
Now this definition focuses on "especially one held in the hand" which when you think about is quite straight forward.
But that also means this could be anything from something a little more abstract such as a way of thinking, to something as simple as your voice. I very much consider my voice as a part of my toolbox of items that I want to bring into the essence of my dominance. I hope to also make a career out of it. If my audition tomorrow goes well there is a chance I could earn money to make weird noises and pretend to be all sorts of different people. My friend has told me that I need to find what I love to do and figure out a way to earn money for doing it.
I believe that I could excel as a voice actor. I've been gaining more confidence in my ability, and I want to see that grow. I have been considering the idea of finding someone who might be able to instruct me. But there is a tiny dilemma inside myself when I start thinking this way. Because there is value in my mind to being able to say I honed this craft through my own work, my dedication, and my effort. Although you can improve much faster if someone can explain the process well, and guide you into figuring it out for yourself. The thing is you are a poor teacher if you give your students the answers. Its about instructing each person so that they understand how to go about finding their own solution. How it makes sense in your head, using your lips, tongue throat and all the weird body parts that make up what we consider a human. I believe I do an okay job and could become very talented if I take my time and expend effort into mastering this craft. I want to utilize my voice as a tool in my life to be able to earn a profit, and create variance in the experience of what I can manifest within my sphere.
So I also had an interesting moment when I noticed my dog Max, the other day he was chewing on one of his nails and it wound up becoming broken and I very much needed to attend to it. So I went through a process of trying to calm him down, and honestly I did a way better job than I have previously. The unfortunate thing is I could be a better pet owner. Which is in part why I've decided to disengage from my planting hobby so I can focus proper care and attention on my animals. I need to do a lot to change some poor behaviours that I have let develop and happened because of circumstance.
The point is when I began to attend to his nail he was uncomfortable, he didn't like what I was doing and it was a difficult process to try and help him remove the disfigured portion of his nail. Eventually the only way I actually managed was while he was distracted eating dinner. But I managed to help improve his life despite going through the challenge of cutting his nail. I had a moment, when I was holding my dog clippers and there was a sensation that came over me. It was a sense of power, and the intensity that holding a tool can bring. It sparked my mind into following a train of thought that I have recently been asking myself about. It's part of sadism and asking myself "How much of a sadist am I?" What do I want out of pain, discomfort, and the downright challenging? What is my intention with using pain? Why do I wield the tool, for what purpose? At this point I had begun to consider the fact that I have no practical experience with floggers, cains, belts, I mean you name it I haven't tried it. Well okay I've used my hand but that is pretty much it. When I realized how far I have to go I realized what I would prefer to begin to gain a passable knowledge of using most items and take my time to master one specific tool. I would like to become exceptionally proficient with one tool that I use as my implement to wield pain as a way to heal. That thought struck a chord within me almost like lightning striking down, I felt energized. The truth is I have many questions to answer, but I am truly beginning to see myself more and more.
I want to further my goals, I want to take care of myself. I need to focus on my immediate and next necessary steps. I have a few long shots that I have managed to set in place, a few could become something opportunities. I am looking to see where I can go next to solve my biggest concerns and finally work at gaining control over my life. Achieving ownership over what is truly mine. From my mentality, to my self awareness, to my physical ability, to my hygiene, my property, my animals, even my hobbies and emotions. I want everything within me under my control, and I need to work there before I can even begin anywhere else.
I bring a word of encouragement to those trying to work through some difficult spaces. Find your authentic self and share that with those who matter. If they really see you then it will only bring benefit to you further down the road.
Consider the man trying to get as many attractive females as he possibly can on a typical dating website. He tells about his stories of climbing the Alps, and how he hikes every weekend and day off. Suddenly you find the perfect soulmate who loves to hike and climb. All of a sudden you get stuck going outside into the fresh air and attempting to go halfway up a mountain and realize you hate being outside.... or you just said that so you would have a chance. Because you wanted something and forced your way into taking it.
When you force yourself on someone that is a breach of consent, but trying to force things to happen they never seem to pan out. I had a girl that I liked all through junior high and high school. After having a crush on her for 5 years we finally had a chance to maybe have a date, and I did everything in my power to try and make that happen. She had been someone I wanted to go out with for literally 5 years, but my parents would not have appreciated my dating at that time. They both were of the opinion I should be focused on school and not girls. So I lied and tried to come up with all of these stories and would go for walks past her house to see if she was around. I was a bit of a stalker, although that was kind of tough because she lived across the intersection of my grandmothers house. So really I was just going to go see my grandparents but I might happen to stare for a good long few seconds before walking past and then turning around and coming back, all the while trying to glimpse through the curtains of the main window to see if she was home. The thing was for all my efforts I never got to go on a date with her. There was always some reason it just did not work out. You need to allow things to happen as they should in your life. What will happen will happen, all you can do is try your best, put your effort into what matters to you. To find those answers and be able to say "These are my values, these are my beliefs, this is who I am" The people who like you for who you are will find you, and the people who press and desperately force that interaction will soon be found to be fraudulent. In the way that you go for a hike and realize that you would rather be home. Which causes an argument and leads into drama, stress, anger, resentment, fear, just downright negativity. I do not want any of those aspects in life. Don't get me wrong there will always be moments of disagreement, you are two individuals with slightly different interests, experiences, thoughts, patterns, mechanisms, lens, there are bound to be times when you have a butting of heads. It's how you work through those moments. Is it done with honesty? Is it done with apparent sincerity? Did you acknowledge your mistake? Did you know why it was wrong? Could you see how your actions were going to affect this person? Did you choose to do it regardless? Was it just a misunderstanding? Do you actually know both sides of the argument? If you get angry is it because you feel like you're being attacked? Why do you get defensive when you feel insulted? Why does being defensive always become anger? Why does pain make you angry and lash out? Are these any of the reasons you are having issues? These are just some of the questions that I have going through my mind now, and have been the cause of issues in my past. Not being able to properly answer some of these has caused a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain.
I don't want to bring in unnecessary drama, unwanted issues, tired excuses, dishonest, disingenuous people who won't respect my time. My time is exceptionally precious to me, and I only want to spend it with people add value and fill my life in one fashion or another. I need to have growth with my person. I need to have honesty, transparency. I need to be able to feel seen, heard, felt. I need someone who trusts in me. I need someone who never changes their values despite challenges, prejudices. I need someone of integrity, who stands tall in the race of adversity and doesn't give an inch because they know and believe in what they are doing. I need someone who has a purpose. Who knows themselves, and knows what they need. I need someone who can communicate with me. Someone who can make me understand, and who understands me. I need someone who cherishes what I offer them, and treats my gift of dominance with as much reverence and respect as I treat their gift of submission.
There is real power in being able to hold a tool and know how to master it. You can even consider knowing yourself one of the most important tools in your toolbox. It becomes the absolute template, and form with which you build on. The foundation of your dominance. Knowing yourself becomes the foundation of your will. Your will is essential if you want to lead your s type with intention. Find that and you will be well on your way.
I need to get some last minute practice in for my audition, but I hope you all have a wonderful evening.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words tonight.
