Hello Cage friends,
Today I want to bring a bit of positivity. I hope that these words will instill growth, insight and guidance to those who choose to read them.
Now where to begin?
There is a critical piece of understanding that was lost on me. I may have been speaking English for the last 27 years or so (gotta give myself the 2 years of babbling that can't really be considered any language) and I had never understood something before until today.
What is the difference between a promise and an intention? Two similar ideas, and when misconstrued by replacing one with the other you can walk into a wall that damages your life and that of the person you attach yourself to. I never understood that an intention is something you hope for, yet may or may not be held to on account of life happening. A promise on the other hand is your word set to create a binding, of an action that will happen regardless of life getting in the way.
When you consider the English language, and the myriad of word choices, the meanings behind it, when you truly understand what something means there is an immense power to be held there. I am currently reading a book that was suggested to me by my Mentor. In it one of the very first things the book acknowledges is that BDSM is an art form. It is YOUR art form and how you choose to express that creativity is up to you. The limits of your imagination, and your skill to create into reality that experience.
I have been on a journey to find my Dominant Will. What does that mean, where can I locate it? How will finding my Will actually change my life and the lives of those who serve me? I'm still lacking, still confused, still a little bit lost in this space. Part of finding my Will is learning how I want to choose to perform my art. Part of my Will is locating the hobbies that best serve me, such that I can take what I create inside my mind and exhibit it into the reality of the lives for myself and those who choose me to be their guide. I am learning to look in the right spaces, I am learning more about what a Dominants Will actually entails and gaining a richer understanding for myself what it means to locate my Will. This is a journey that will require patience, and practice. It is the same as learning the English language, what a word means, the depth to which that word holds meaning, and the ways that my intentional word choice, tone, facial expressions, the way I hold my physical presence become embodied and all of this becomes the way I choose to enact my art form of BDSM. It is a journey I am walking, it is a life long endeavour to practice each day to master what will eventually become my own unique performance within the art of the lifestyle. I am finding my kink, learning about new areas I've never understood before and I will admit my understanding is lacking in many areas. I have time to learn though, and when I consider that I hope to have another 70 years mastering all of these techniques, and expressions, I realize that I don't need to rush my process. I still have a long life ahead of me (so long as no unforeseeable doom happens to cut my existence short, which I do not plan on encountering. Of course that's not within my power to actually manage, my life will be as long as it is. As long as I'm gifted time here in this space, all I can do to make sure that it's as lengthy and healthy is to make smart choices about my activity levels, diet choices and general day to day decisions that lead to a healthy lifestyle) All of this understanding takes practice. Takes time. Takes effort to learn and accomplish. It has to be my choice to move forward in these areas, to do it for MYSELF, to understand who I am, to grow within who I am meant to be, so that I can share of my true nature with those who see my value.
There was another critical aspect that the book I'm reading teaches on. It states that the goal within a d/s dynamic is to achieve a level of perfect communication between those who exist within that relationship. What is perfect communication? What does that actually mean? It's about creating an effective and efficient form of understanding between the people involved. Where the words spoken are heard, seen, and intuitively known by all parties. That there would exist no doubt in the comprehension of what was said and MEANT. I desire to create a space where perfect communication can be achieved. I desire to be understood wholly and without any miscommunication. I recently experienced a giant leap forward in understanding the critical difference between an intention, and a promise. There was a gap in my knowledge, based on a previous experience that had altered how I see interactions. How I am now very aware of the words I have said to someone and how they affect and should impact my actions. Although, understanding the difference when I intend to do something and when I promise to do something creates a bright shining lightbulb of clarity when I express myself. Lending to create clearer lines of communication between me and those who I deem important in my life. Now that I understand the difference I've been able to put those slight changes into practice by clearly, intentionally expressing my intention or when I promise something. The words that I choose, the way I voice my thoughts and how I am afraid when I know my ideals are not the same as those around me. I act a very specific way when I imagine that my words will cause an issue, based on differing beliefs and ideals. Again, this is because my history has taught me that when I hold opinions that are different than someone I respect there is a good chance it will erupt into an ugly, intense fight that will bring harm, shame, guilt, fear, and many other negative emotions. That's not the case though. I have acted selfishly. I have acted greedily. I have chosen to try and prove a point that cannot be made because it is completely false. But I stood by and choose to make an even worse mistake, all based on this history that I know is completely false. There is a better way for me to communicate. Although it requires me acknowledging a choice that is unpleasant, but honest. I need to practice these choices intentionally. I need to own up to my actions and hold myself accountable. I need to walk forward and make the decision for the dynamic instead of making the decision for my girl. I need to prioritize the well being of the dynamic and I can do that because the tools have been put in place. I simply need to exercise my authority to honestly express myself, and perfectly communicate what my truth is. The challenge is then I need to admit my truth. Which can be gross, unbecoming, unsightly, but I am human. I have faults. I have vices that hold power over me. The thing is these vices hold power over me because I make foolish choices, and these choices have led me into dishonesty. Which empowers the vice and solidifies the negativity of that situation. What happens when I choose to enact the measures set in place and communicate perfectly though? The vice no longer holds any power over me and I am simply making a choice, and expressing the choice I'm making. So long as I take the time and effort to clearly, concisely express this such that it is understood BEFORE taking that action. I mean it's just polite to let someone know what you are going to do rather than inform them what you have done.
All of these skills require practice. They don't come easily. Understanding the knowledge behind these actions though is essential. Because without the knowledge of the 'whys', of the 'hows' you can't ever exhibit the proper steps to correct the mistakes.
I also wanted to share some insights in other avenues of my life. I am enticed by the idea of mastering my voice, and learning how to beatbox. I have been attempted to learn some different techniques and in doing so the one thing that constantly shows up is the idea that you just need to practice over and over until you master these techniques.
One of my favourite beatboxers Tom Thum, explained his answer to one of the questions he encounters pretty commonly. "When did you learn you could do this?“ His answer blew me away, as he responded" I knew I could do these things after thousands of hours of practice." It was the simple realization that you put in the work, the consistent effort and you can master the techniques. Yes it takes the knowledge of how to form the sounds, but 'knowing' how to make a noise and 'actually' forming that noise are two completely different things. Just to give you an idea here's a sample of what can be accomplished when you dedicate yourself to mastering those techniques.
If one day I could be half as talented as this gentleman, I would be abundantly happy with my level of success. But with all things, mastering my art form of BDSM, mastering my voice and my own beatbox, it requires that I dedicate myself to achieving that success. I am set in my mind to work towards accomplishing these goals. I will become someone I am proud of for my own ability, skill, and nature. I am excited to move forward in positive ways, I am excited to be able to prove myself. I am excited to act with integrity, with honesty, with transparency. I am excited for my future and where I know I will end up, because I am making the intentional choice to master myself.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words. I hope you find some enlightenment from my journey, and gain a new sense of understanding within yourself.
