Hello Cage friends,
So tonight I wanted to share a personal story from my past and a difference in my current self.
Back when I was just finishing high school and heading off into the wild life of University I had a girlfriend at the time that had plans to head off to school either in the US, or across the country at the only University which offered the course she was interested in taking. So in a frenzied sort of figuring out how we wanted to progress with our relationship we decided that we were going to try sustaining a long distance relationship.
Now at the beginning we were both determined to make this work. But slowly over time problems arose, issues kept creeping in and in many ways things slowly degraded. I made some poor choices, but more than that the critical aspect of what destroys us was my lack of self confidence at that time in my life. Now let me tell you I had no reason to lack self confidence, but in my youth I could not see myself in any positive light. I still struggle with this today *literally had a problem with how I handled an issue earlier today/yesterday in which I felt completely undeserving simply for a loss of control within myself* but it's less problematic although I'm working through managing this within me.
So this lack of self confidence caused me to hold jealousy over every situation. I couldn't stop imagining a situation where my girlfriend found a gentleman more attractive, more intelligent, more capable, more athletic, more talented than myself. Every man was a potential threat, someone who would simply steal her away from me because we weren't in the same space. He would show up and impress her with his intelligence and then would share time with her and grow closer than we were because he could spend quality time with her while working on projects, or relaxing and just enjoying the freedom of being in University. They would share new experiences and I also struggled with feeling boring because I have not been very many places, I've not explored the world. I'm mundane, boring, ordinary. Plus I existed across the country such that it would take a day and a bit to drive to see each other so we didn't have chances to really connect unless we flew to see each other. Neither of us had money to really be flying back and forth to meet. So we tried connecting when and how we could through the internet and video messaging, but with schoolwork and the time difference things became difficult. After trying to make it work through the first year and a half of University things eventually ended. I had my hand in it, I caused it. I lacked many aspects which are required for making a long distance relationship work.
Now, the reason I bring all of this up. It seems so many interactions within the community begin online. Sometimes for different reasons there isn't an opportunity to meet immediately and you have to begin and enter into a LDR in order to begin the process of finding your P/person(s). There are so many difficulties with finding someone who is compatible with you, there are so many challenges to creating something stable with someone. I've been realizing the blessings of beginning online. There are some exceptional opportunities (a lot of struggles, but it's in how you handle those challenges) but it's about focusing on the opportunity. When you exist as words on a page you find the essence of the mind and heart before you find the external beauty of the person you are getting to know. The thing that people sometimes forget is that the external changes and shifts. It can be improved with consistent effort in diet and exercise, or if you choose to add plastic surgery to alter your physical appearance you can radically change how you look. Changing the internal aspects of who you are require a lot more effort and many people don't change. They fall into old habits and patterns that are destructive. There is beauty within the essence of the mind and heart, and it's those aspects that if they align between two people it becomes much easier to form something so solid that it will truly last a lifetime.
The opportunity that arises from a LDR is the chance to develop strong communication and understanding. If you focus on improving those aspects with the conversations you have, the way you spend time, the way you make time and fitting the life of this P/person into your life. There are lots of ways to enjoy time and especially with the way the world exists now spending time online has become a necessity which has facilitated apps that help people connect. The thing is that it also inspires creativity with how you choose to spend time and play. I mean of course you need to be very wary of technical difficulties and that the positions and way you play you are always keeping safety in mind. What happens if your internet connection decides to crap out while you are instructing your person to perform a certain act for you, what if you ask them to put themselves into a self tie, can they actually get themselves out safely. The thing is keeping all of these things in consideration helps to build trust, and deepens the levels to which you can play so long as you keep safety in all situations a forefront of the way you go about your business. We develop a close connection with someone, and as you begin to see a future with them the desire to be close, to feel them, to just be physical becomes a larger demand but it's important to remember that the LDR holds immense value, and it's critical to build those aspects which can be the focal point of interacting online. It's about celebrating the now, about getting creative and learning how to spend time with someone in a virtual space while holding onto that hope for the potential future. Building on the aspects of the future you see, and allowing the excitement of what's to come to help inspire where you currently are. Because this is reality, and we get to fantasize and fill our heads with so many wonderful ideas but we need to ground ourselves in the here and now. While we make the most of the situation as it is, and work on creating a foundation which won't be broken by any trial or tribulation. It's about learning your P/person, finding out potential pitfalls and snares in a way the can be pretty protective for both of you such that you don't rush into something and then realize "Well that's a deal breaker for me, and too bad we've already moved in together because this won't work." There is no rush, it's about taking your time, learning, growing, creating stronger communication together. Beautiful fantastic things can flourish and blossom, but you have to work at putting in the effort.
I want to remind you that you are where you are supposed to be, it's about learning the lessons that are in front of you, and growing as much as you can into the individual you are meant to be. It's about accepting your place and celebrating the opportunity you have today.
Thank you for reading my words today, and I hope you find what you are looking for on this journey. That you facilitate growth within yourself and find who you are meant to be.
