Hello Cage friends,
It's been a minute or two.
Just yesterday I made a journey with my friend to the Inukshuk that we crafted many months ago. We wanted to see if it had survived the winter and if it was still standing. We had tried many times previously to get out there and see if it had been standing but each attempt was met with poor circumstances prohibiting us from making the journey. Finally, our schedules lined up and the weather was decent that it was feasible for us to make an attempt.
Now, I ask. Where does a journey begin?
The thing is the journey began at my house. When I thought (or didn't think) about the circumstances I was going to be getting myself into. It was the preparation for the hike. My preparation was simple. I grabbed water and some snacks. I didn't think too much about the weather, conditions on the mountain, or the conditions that my body was facing. I had just finished working a night shift, and transitioned from dealing with an main break such that I was late leaving work and had been on my feet for a long time resolving that issue at work.
But I thought "Alright, got everything I need time to head out".
So I drove out to pick up my friend and I thought "What a nice day for a Sunday drive". I enjoyed feeling the warmth of the sun through the window, and enjoyed the fact that very few people were on the road. I listened to music and sang along and had a very enjoyable time. When I arrived at my friends house, he needed a few minutes to get himself ready and once we had everything for our hike we had one more stop before making our way to the mountain. My vehicle had less than a 1/4 tank of fuel and there was no way we could make it all the way there without stopping one more time to grab a few snacks for my friend (I brought my own) and fuel for the trip out there.
On our drive to the mountain we encountered a car accident on the highway, which forced us into stop and go traffic for kilometres. It was slow going and drastically altered the time we would have gotten to the beginning of the trail. It took so much time that we actually were required to stop off at the last gas station just before the mountain to use the washroom one final time. Although the slow going gave us more opportunity to discuss life and what had been different since the last time we had gone hiking together.
When we finally got to the parking lot that was designated for baldy pass it seemed like we had finally made our first pivotal checkpoint along our path. We had finally arrived and could just start our hike.
We got out of the vehicle, stretched our legs and began to head across the highway and into the forest that the path follows. The beginning of the trail was well walked. Many people had come before us, and even as we followed the compacted snow there were people behind us and those coming back from having already walked the trail. It wasn't terribly busy, but you could tell that many others had been there before. Now, I had promised a very important girl in my life that I would approach with "maximum safety" as I spent my time on the side of the mountain. Especially because she had concerns over the fact that my friend and I were going to enjoy a small joint of homegrown cannabis that my friend brought along. At the very beginning to the trail when it was not a difficult path we sparked up the joint and finished it quite quickly. There was a lot of concern for my well being over the hazards that existed, and the potential for harm to occur. Faith was very worried, anxious and nervous for me and my safety. She was worried I wouldn't make it home to her. She was also worried because her history about expressing her concern had not been well received. It had caused massive fights, arguments and even though it came from a place of love had never really been well received. In one small way she had never experienced someone who didn't get furious and take it as an insult when she expressed her concern for their well being and safety. As much as that was an unfounded concern our history and the paths we have walked previously tend to have some influence (even if it's a small amount) on the present situation. We had openly discussed what was going to happen. I made her aware before I even left for my trip. I acknowledged her concern, and I set about ensuring I would take every precaution as best I could to ensure my safety and well being.
So here I was. I was experiencing the effects of the substance. While I was still just beginning my journey to visit my Inukshuk, I thought through many different aspects. But I always had the idea of "how can I be as absolutely safe as possible". So I was constantly evaluating. I made the determination at the beginning of the path, that as many people have gone here before me that I didn't fully require every bit of my attention to my feet, my positioning and where I was moving. There was a single path. It was well trodden. Yes some parts were a little slick with ice, but it degree of difficulty was quite low. So I allowed myself to gaze around. Take in the sights, the smells. Enjoy my moment where I was. There was another promise and intention made, and once I had settled into the clarity, the "warmth", the embrace of the cannabis I went to hold my girls hand. I have a hair tie, that is the physical embodiment of my girl. It never leaves my person. I have it on me always. When I desire to feel closer to her, I "hold her hand" by moving the band such that my palm wraps around it, as if she were there and I was wrapping my fingers into hers. I thought about her, I focused my mind onto her presence into my life, and the words of my promise, of focusing on my safety sprang into my mind. The best way I could serve her, was to honour and do exactly what I said I would. To fulfill my promise. I created an intention, to be aware, to evaluate, to determine what degree of this section of the walk I had set about myself required my full attention. When I made the determination that my mind could wander and think about all manner of life, desire, requirements, potential. I let myself simply enjoy the experience. In many ways, it was grounding. It helped me focus in such positive and powerful ways. I needed the moment.
As we moved through the path, I kept thinking about my journey. My path. My way forward. I thought about how easy it was to follow the way forward that other people have walked. But yet, as many times as the snow had been compressed no one could put my feet in front of the other, no one else could help me forward. I had to make progress for me. Any advice from those who have gone before me can only do so much to assist my own path because even the warning "It's slippery ahead" doesn't actually stop me from slipping. Unless I take the necessary precautions before arriving at that slick part, and make an adjustment with my own actions to improve my chances of successfully navigating that space.
If you couldn't tell, I was connecting many thoughts about my hike to the world of D/s. To my desires, my needs. As many times as those have gone before me, no one can walk my path but me. I can ask for advice. I can gather information and learn from more experienced individuals, but that doesn't really put one foot in front of the other for me. I need to walk, and experience what I offer. I need to learn my own capabilities and walk with assurance towards the ends I require. The thing is, I am remarkably capable. I am finding that I have a natural ability to understand key concepts, and apply them. But I am finding more and more about the ways I require to apply the information I've gained. I do not wish to blindly follow what those have done before me. I want to hold a deeper intention in each action that I take. I want to develop my own art form of Dominance. I want to embody all the unique and wonderful ways that I exist. I want to thrive and grow my capabilities and truly step into my own as a Dominant.
Now here's where the hike took an interesting turn. Literally. We had managed quite well to follow the main trail, but now in order to get to our Inukshuk we had to diverge from the path well traveled. We had to embark into territory that had not been previously traversed. It was simple to see no one had gone before us. This was were the hike truly took on a treacherous level of intensity. This was where I could not let my mind wander. This was where absolute focus was required. It also took patience. It took evaluating where I was, how far I had to go, and make a decision as to how best to move forward. Looking up the side of the mountain, you could see rocks sticking the tips just above snow drifts, trees, fallen logs and all manner of what wasn't even visible. So we broke away from the main trail. We began making our path forward. At times we would alternate who went ahead. Testing each step. Trying to follow the footprints of who was in the lead, and yet at the same time choosing to follow my own unique path. Taking my time to evaluate each step. Now here's the interesting part. As we moved forward, I immediately recognized how absolutely poorly prepared we were for the conditions on the mountain. The snow that had drifted caused innumerable hidden pitfalls. The top layer of compacted snow sometimes was stable. Most times though after an inch of hard packed snow you would sink down to your knee, and some sections up to your hip. The unbroken snow didn't share what was beneath it. Was a rock stable? Was that log actually stable? What was underneath the snow? You couldn't tell any of it. When you pressed and tested the snow and then sank to your knee because you added your full weight you simply had no clue what could possibly lie underneath. It was a path hidden with pitfalls. It was difficult navigating. It also didn't take long for my sneakers to become completely water logged. But we trudged forward. We still took our time and adjusted our path. But even still, the thought constantly went through my head. "How can I be as safe as possible?" "If I follow my friends path will that guarantee my safety?" As I followed to the best of my ability I also realized that despite putting my feet where he had walked before me, I still had to get through on my own. No one could get me up the side of the mountain except myself. If I was to reach the goal of seeing my Inukshuk then I had to be the one to get me there.
We created our own path forward. We trudged through the snow. We encountered missteps. I lost my balance a few times. I sank down to my knees and down to my hips even falling over once or twice. Luckily through it all, I was able to keep myself safe. At one point we decided to climb the small ridge to the right side of the valley, to get into the treeline with the hopes that the snow wouldn't be as deep. There was a log about 5 inches wide, leaning up against the ridge from the low spot we were in and climbing it like a beam I was able to clamber up to the ridge. Part of that moment though absolutely required two hands. So I had to intentionally shift holding her hand such that I didn't have anything in the way. Such that I could properly focus. Such that I was doing a service to myself, for my own well being and safety. As we both managed to get onto the ridge we continued forward. Even picking up some walking sticks to help test the depth of the snow. And to help us move forward. As we continued on we managed to keep up on the ridge and we had to come to a few realizations and I had to express my concern to my friend. We had made good progress, we had manged to get quite close to where our Inukshuk had been built. My friend commented his ultimate goal for the day "was to get a photo of each of us standing next to our Inukshuk". At this point we were still on the ridge. At this point we climbed up as close as possible, but now we were stuck. The drop to our left was way too steep to navigate successfully. If we backtracked a little bit there was a lip of snow that prevented us from seeing what was underneath the overhang, much less to say how stable that ground or lack thereof might have been. I looked at the drifts of snow in front of where our Inukshuk had been built and I looked at how poorly prepared we were. I told my friend straight up, "We arent prepared enough for this. Take a look at the drifts in front of the rock our Inukshuk was built on. They are deep, and remarkably treacherous." Not only would we have had to backtrack, dropped down the ridge and then continued forward through deep snow, my feet were aching (and I was just remembering how I had been on my feet since 2 am dealing with my job, how achy and sore they were) how completely soaked after stepping through drifts and drifts of snow. There was no way we were making it all the way. We just weren't properly prepared. I was reaching my limits, the sun was also starting to get lower and the winds were picking up. I was able to convince my friend that we had confirmed yes our Inukshuk withstood the winter. It still stood. It had been very well constructed and we had managed to verify that. I convinced him that his ultimate goal was not quite possible today because of many different factors. He finally agreed and we set about turning around. Although not before snapping a few photos of our accomplishment.
We followed our footsteps back and in some ways it was slightly easier to trace our path backwards. But at times I choose to go a different way because I made the determination it might be easier. I had ensured though that when I didn't have something occupying my hand or if I wasn't climbing anything I was holding my girls hand. I wanted to make her apart of my day in all the ways that I could manage. As I made my way down I was really quite pleased with the accomplishment. I was excited that what had been created had sustained through the winter. When we finally managed to get all the way back to the main trail I had to find a rock to sit down on, so that I could squeeze the water out of my socks and empty the water out of my shoes. I had been walking in water for the last hour or more and my feet were so wrinkled, they were also susceptible to slipping and moving causing excessive chafing inside my shoes. But I needed to look after myself, I had to take proper care of my well being and ensure that I was being conscious of what I required.
Needless to say, we made it back to the car. I dropped my friend off at his house and made it all the way home. Safe and sound.
I had a wonderful day, had learned and grown in my mentality. I had taken some personal lessons from my journey and I wanted to share them with you.
No matter what our ultimate goals are for our own journey we work towards them at our own pace. We take each step of our path in such a way that is aligned with our values and beliefs. No one walks your path, or has any right to tell you how to navigate (unless you have consented to giving up that authority) but even in those cases you still put yourself and have to walk through that space, even when someone else requires you to walk a certain way.
I am grateful for the advice of those who share their experience with me. I am grateful for the insights and I will always welcome a second (or third or fourth) opinion. But I can't move forward unless I walk my own path. Unless I find what is absolutely necessary for me and follow through with action. I require immense depth to all of the ways I choose to interact. If I create an idea, it needs to be based in intentional purpose. I don't desire to do anything "just because". I am learning for myself where I need to go, and how I desire to get there.
I hope my story inspires you to follow your path. To find what that path is and actively walk forward for you. In all the ways that you accomplish what is important and necessary.
Thank you for taking the time to read my words, and allowing me to exist in your world. Hopefully you find value, or at least some form of entertainment. Have a wonderful evening.
