Hello Cage friends,
Has it ever been a minute or two. I had some interesting occurences happen in my life and I have become very self centered lately. I have been withdrawn. I have been taking some time to work through who I am and where I desire to go.
I have had a wonderful bit of a vacation. I managed to get organized in my life, being more productive than I've ever been on a daily basis. I have been making steady progress in a number of areas of my life. The true outcome of many of these events are yet undecided and in a sense loom over me. But I believe some progress has been made.
I have also been at a loss, concerned over whether or not what I have to say has any value or weight and I felt lost within my search for what my desires hold and my needs are. I was searching for answers and yet couldn't verbalize what a part of my process is. To simply have a place to be able to vent is also a possibility. But I'm not someone who enjoys or desires to air dirty laundry for all to see. I live as a private person. So it can be hard to open up and share aspects of where my train of thought goes, how I decide to communicate, and choices that I get to make in my life that make sense for me and my needs.
But I have a desire to share a moment that Faith and I were having.
So there were a series of events, leading from evening my time into the morning of when I woke up.
I have been trying to work at creating boundaries for both myself and my girl around certain limits that exist. It's a process of learning how to use the best tool for a particular job. Understanding what is required and when. Why is it required and how much better does it make your likely success?
Its finding out whether a particular tool can do a job better than any other tool around it. What works most effectively? Can I use those tools for purposes that further my work, my desire, my skill.
But I asked myself one day "What helps to create a scene for a dominant?" Where does the imagination spark. Is it a moment when you see an item around you and you could imagine a reason for why it exists in your life and how it might possibly be used. Finding that spark, that flame that can generate an idea and create a future of scenarios all wrapped up inside a box that you get to play with. I mean there is a joy and fun to being able to create ideas of what might just occur during the interaction between Master and slave. Especially when you have the proper space, tools, and proper equipment to play out your fantasies. I mean having the live in part would be nice but there is so much to be gained by starting a dynamic slowly. It takes time to build rapport and gain understanding over someone. Even as you go through the process sometimes an idea you create is not something that makes sense or is feasible to the other person. Perhaps it's something that crosses a hard limit. Or for whatever reason isn't well received.
There is a hard turn of trying to curb the enthusiasm for something you created and realizing that it's not quite the right fit for the person on the other side of the table. Because part of what we do as people who engage in any form of kink, we need to create communication and negotiate what it is we have created. It needs to be established what is allowed, where it can go. So you have to discuss things. You first have to stand up and admit that you desire to do said thing.
So in the process of bringing an idea that I had whipped up, Faith and I were discussing over what I had written down. I realized that I touched in a dark part of everything about where I am asking her to go. Part of all of this hinged on a miscommunication though. What I was expressing was missing a critical concept that had not been fully understood. I had extra context because I can see inside my mind and she can't. So when we went to bed because of a miscommunication as much as we could go to sleep, there wasn't the usual depth of true joy that is found in those good nights.
So we woke up refreshed and with new eyes we had to talk "about the elephant in the room". There was a bit of that pully tangly knotted sense of awkward, and uncomfortable. But we had to sit down, and talk through all of what was missed. Because I hadn't clearly communicated something the night before. We looked together and we found the missing piece of where I hadn't communicated, and where the disconnect occurred. We manage to not only switch the energy by finding a solution, but we didn't give up on something despite the initial interaction. It's led us onto places that will help us go much father together, and it happened because we opened lines of communication and were able to discuss and work through a new concept that was a little surprising.
There can be so many missteps that someone can take. There are lots of ways to go wrong and into territory that borders on harmful, abusive, demeaning behaviour. It is simply a choice of what you will do. How do you plan to create, communicate and experience what you desire? If you find successful ways of communicating what you need and can come up with as scenes, you may find yourself enjoying those fantasies more often.
I thank you for your time in reading my words today as I share part of my journey. I hope this evening finds you well.
