Good morning Cage friends,
One of the magnificent things about this lifestyle is the way Y/you choose to express Y/yourself. There are a myriad of dynamic styles and many people want different things. Although I would argue that quite often high on the list of needs is physical space. Being able to turn a long distance relationship into a "reality" of close, in-person, feel, experience and physically enjoy one another's presence.
It seems to be there are a few countdowns going on in the community and I have to say I am very excited for those that have found their P/person and are working to either creating a permanent space with each other or even just counting down to a physical meeting. Its wonderful to have that goal and vision of time together. Its euphoric to know that within just a few moments Y/you will be able to enjoy each others company and live the dynamic Y/you need and desire in life.
So as many of those who read this are in different places I want to share my (and a part of O/our) experience. This is true for U/us and where W/we are currently at.
A little history.
It has been just over a month since I visited my Mikayla. Part of O/our dynamic is such that it will remain long distance for now. W/we have intention to move into each other's space (more so her moving to my neck of the woods) but because of O/our specific situation this may take years before that change can happen. Its not a short term. As such O/our plan is to try and meet twice a year, leading up to finally making a permanent move.
Right now W/we are solidifying O/our plans to have Mikayla come and visit me in my home and my space. This would be roughly 3 months and 4 ish days or could be slightly longer depending on which flight is found and cost etc.
The thing is there is a fairly large issue that W/we both have to contend with. It's the drop after W/we experience that intense closeness and sudden ripping of O/our partner from O/our space. Mikayla wrote an excellent blog (and if I knew how to link a blog I would have done so here >>>> but I'm on my phone and still dont know how to really navigate this site super well)
Here is a little insight from my perspective about navigating not only my drop, but hers as well.
As stated above because of the nature of where W/we intend to go with O/our dynamic, there is a bit of a difference in handling drop as compared to someone who lives a short drive away from their partner. W/we dont have the luxury of popping over for a weekend, it takes days of travel especially if you get a 10+ hour layover.....
When W/we first left each other (I'm talking in the airport when she had to go through her security gate and mine was in the opposite direction) there was something simple about watching over her and making sure she got through the security check until I couldn't see her anymore. After that checking in by O/our usual methods of communication.
One thing that was on my mind after all of O/our travel and W/we both made it safely home to O/our respective destinations was being able to watch over her flights. That keeping an eye on her, watching her movement. Making sure her flights left reasonably on time and that they arrived safely at their destinations. Messaging her just before she landed so that she had something waiting for her to read and focus on as she moved farther away from me. It's a small comfort but its finding whatever way you can to remain connected.
When she returned home, my first concern was getting her back onto a normal schedule. She was contending with jet lag and the first week I didn't focus on much of anything except allowing her ample opportunity to rest and recover and get back to her time zone. W/we did little things like reading O/our book but I wasnt concerned about exercise until she had caught back up on her rest and was feeling "normal". Once she was settling back into her regular routine I could begin to reintroduce those elements that are constant and important to U/us. Part of that includes giving her a chance to focus on me, her submission and building a sense of "closeness" despite the distance between U/us. So each day I set her an intention while she is at work to take a minute or two to settle into kneel in a private space and focus on the elements of my impact on her life. To focus, meditate and bring her mind into a calm, serene place. To settle her and ground her within me.
I believe its important to go slowly and bring back elements one at a time, as there is a return to feeling the distance and the weight of the separation between U/us. I don't want to overwhelm her with too much that she doesn't feel she can succeed. Its about rebuilding that sense of my presence in her life but in a steady manner. Especially that as she has stepped back into work and schedule there is extra workload on her plate because of an expected (and unexpected) promotion. So it becomes a balancing act making sure that I am a focus and priority without negatively impacting her necessary focus of work, family, friends and life/health/well being. Because one thing that happened when W/we first returned home was the fact W/we didn't want to people. W/we didnt want to interact or expend any effort outside of U/us. W/we wanted to revel and remain deeply seated inside of O/our interaction and not leave that space.
For myself there was an interesting experience that as soon as I returned home I went straight back to work within 24 hours of landing. When I finished work I started renovations on my basement to improve my home and give myself opportunity to rent out a space that could help turn my financial situation around. My life has been extremely busy as when I'm not at work, I am spending my weekends alongside my parents working on finishing the renovations to my unfinished basement. It has been good to have things to focus my mind on, but it hasn't left a lot of time to focus on O/our dynamic. Although focusing on my immediate situation so I can resolve my financial situation to prepare for O/our future is prioritizing the dynamic over my girl. But again all things in balance. I need to ensure she doesn't feel neglected despite life and its insane levels of busy from both sides. Its about making time when and how and where W/we can.
As best as I can manage I still deal with the emptiness of not having my slave beside me. There was one evening when I went out to celebrate my own promotion at work, but I was by myself. When I finished my meal and went for a walk the lack of her presence beside me left me feeling immensely lonely. It was difficult to walk and not have her on my arm. There was such a sense of loss. Learning to manage those situations and walk through those spaces its important to lean on each other, and know that both sides will feel that loss.
One thing that has been very helpful to me during this last month has been having "something to hold onto." During O/our trip there was one of my favourite moments when W/we spent time under the full moon wrapped with my arms around her in a way that W/we both enjoy. W/we just cuddled and existed in a deep moment where there was nothing but U/us. In that moment what tied U/us together was looking up and experiencing the moon on the most gorgeous night. Settling into each other. Now while I am at home, anytime I look at the moon whether its full or covered by a cloud or new I smile and think back to that moment. I reminisce about how she felt in my arms. I think about the way O/our bodies fit like missing puzzle pieces. I just am filled with the warmth of that memory.
I believe its very important to have something to hold onto that helps ground and connect U/us back to O/our experience and trip. I have many little reminders and many ways to focus on her and to be excited while waiting with anticipation about O/our future plans to meet. These days will disappear quickly and before W/we know it W/we will be back in each others arms but there is a lot to manage in the meantime. Having items to hold onto, memories to hold onto, and anticipation for plans yet to come can go a long way to helping manage drop not only for myself but for my slave as well.
I hope that all of those who read my words today find some benefit even if O/our situation is not Y/yours. It may offer some insight and perhaps even guidance and I hope it manages to make a difference in Y/your perspective and understanding.
Mstr J
