Good early morning Cage friends, for those crazies that spend T/their wee hours reading up on those invested in O/our community. (Or later on in the day)
Today was a really good day.
Lately I have been struggling with some internal strife. I was hard pressed to find joy in my life, and I had so much on my mind. I was worried about the usual things, hoping for resolution to some of the issues I face in my existence.
Now despite my problems being very simply first world in nature, they still impacted me deeply. It felt like I had so much jumbled in my brain I didn't have room for my heart, I couldn't orchestrate what my needs and desires were. I was so filled with a deep seated negativity that it was a black hole that filled my soul and devoured joy, laughter, my smile, my energy. I didn't hold onto my patience, and I was irked with things that don't bother me.
My slave could sense something was amiss and many times she asked if I was okay, reaching out to bring a smile to my face trying desperately to help heal my wounded self. I was not expressing myself fully to her, and I was keeping much of my struggle hidden. I didn't want her to worry. I didn't want her to fret. In some ways I didn't want to bother her because she wasnt the source.
The thing was I felt lost inside of who I hope to be. Part of that reason was because I wasn't making my desires and needs a priority. The bigger issue is that I wasn't trying to even search for them. I was so bogged down by handling strife and concern and life I didn't "have time" to look at what priorities I need.
The way W/we choose to spend O/our time says something about who W/we are. Lately I have gone back to asking myself important questions about the time I have planned for my slave and I when she comes to visit me in June. I am focusing on what routines do I want to establish with her. What intention should I set for certain scenes, acts of service, and why is it important to me. What is it that I need? What ways do I want to see her grow? What goals do I have for the time W/we share this summer?
Lately I have been handling my lifes responsibilities with a fervor and excitement. That black hole that was destroying me slowly from the inside has been replaced. I have created The Sun inside of my soul. I am beginning to burn with passion for setting my life right. Preparing for the future. For my future. For O/our future. For her future. I am making necessary changes in my life and seeing results born from the effort I have dedicated to my choices of time spent.
I still have my struggles with procrastination in certain areas, but I no longer procrastinate in every area of my life. I am really proud of the growth I have managed, the discipline and choices I make intentionally. I am grateful that I choose delayed gratification and am learning patience along my walk. Everything in the right time, but its important to remember that W/we make choices of where to focus O/our energy and intent. I pray that Wisdom finds me everyday to guide my actions and focus.
Today I couldn't stop singing while working in my home. I was enjoying hearing my voice ring and echo inside of the room of my house. The walls have been sanded and the first coat of primer is drying. I expect the next 2 or 3 weeks I will be finished with this project. I am very excited to finish inside my house, then turn my focus to the outside.
I hope Y/you find joy and create light as Y/you walk the path set before Y/you, regardless of what difficulties may lie in store.
Mstr J