Good evening Cage friends,
It has been a hot minute.
Honestly there is so much that has changed since the last time I constructed a blog. Life is radically different and yet similar in so many ways.
The thing is I am still very focused on getting my life sorted and moving forward. I have managed a lot of progress and each day grows just a tiny bit more. Here's a small tidbit about myself you may not know.
As a young man I was often lost inside myself with my own fear and doubt. It led to my procrastination which would compound issues and put me exactly where I feared to be. At a deadline, without proper preparation and doomed to failure. Or at least that was how it felt. Sometimes I could manage to throw together a project the morning it was due or delay getting ready because I still had more time in the day. Each moment led into the next and each choice we make leads us down the road we are already travelling.
My slave has just arrived back at the satellite campus after having 10 days together. She landed within 24 hours ago and now has to go through the process of "getting back to life". The thing is her fear and doubt and anxiety wasn't there when she was asked to run the task of going back to her satellite campus because it is already part of the process of taking each step to walk back home. She isn't leaving, but she is on an errand and will be home soon. She hasnt left, she is just gone grocery shopping. She is running to the pharmacy. She is showing up for work. She is being a mother, a boss, a person with responsibility that she is in charge of. She is also finding ways to impact change because of the opportunity that is being presented to her.
Often when W/we have discussions I will call myself an opportunist and so does my slave. The thing is Mikayla is picking up my habits and forming them in her own way. My family is running in an event this summer that is geared towards raising money for cancer. Mikayla will be here in the summer when it's going on and has asked to participate along with my family. Not only has she offered but W/we are working on a way to get her school involved and hopefully create a way for meaningful growth and participation from her students. It is remarkable to see the way she has begun to adopt part of my mannerisms and methodologies. It is the small ways in which W/we mimic one another that brings U/us closer together inside O/our dynamic and individually.
I have been working at healing not only within myself but those that hold value in my life. I am working at creating healing in a lot of different ways and each matter requires a slightly different approach. Healing is not an instantaneous process. While there may be moments and bursts of miraculous large workings that jump progress forward oftentimes it is the diligent, consistent time and energy that yields results. Its not just healing that takes this time but the manner in which you build your life.
O/our existences are the summation of O/our history. From trauma to pain and suffering either by our O/own hands or someone else's all the way through positive and joyful experiences.
Right now inside the last 1203 days I have had a radical shift inside and outside of my life. Where I was just over 3 years ago was a broken man trying to put his life back together. My finances were a disaster, my marriage had ended and I was lost in negativity, self doubt and anguish. It took rebuilding my basement, finding a roommate, pushing myself towards small and medium goals, developing a relationship with myself, developing a relationship with someone who was close to me and morphing that into a full dynamic. It was about consistency. It was about taking each day working towards something. It was about working at giving myself closure for the wrongs I had committed and the things that had been done to me.
Now I have much work to accomplish but part of that process I set a goal for myself. It was an exercise in practicing self awareness and granting myself space to learn and become 0.01% better than I was yesterday. After 581 days of consistency I have managed to reach all sorts of personal goals.
Right now the most joyful moment I am ready to celebrate is my accomplishment for my finances. I am about to finish paying off the first third of my debt. I owe myself and I owe my parents. I am on the cusp of paying myself off. I am about to turn a corner and focus my attention on the next phase of the necessary journey to preparing my life. In order to properly receive my slave and her daughter I need to have my space and my life ready to accomodate and support them. Each small bit of progress can get lost when you look at the last day or week or month when you feel lost and angry. It can be overwhelming when all you see is the failure and despair of what has been lost.
If you start to look back at the process of healing, if you realize that it takes time and you give yourself the grace to start the process you will be surprised with how far you can come in such a short time.
It takes dedication and sacrifice to build the life you want. It takes patience and perseverance. Its not easy and many times you may feel like giving up but sometimes all it takes is one day to shift all of your perspective. Suddenly the weight you felt isnt there anymore and you didn't even realize when it happened. You start to look back and recognize that you are different than you were a month or two or six ago.
Sometimes it takes a firm hand to guide you to that place. Sometimes it takes a gentle nudge to course correct along the right path. Sometimes it takes a complete stop, turn 180 degrees and begin walking again. Each one of U/us is unique and requires O/our own way that W/we best receive. Acknowledging when you are effective, when you use the best approach for the way that speaks growth and movement forward for the responsibility that you have accepted.
We don't always see the landmines, and sometimes they will blow up in our face. Sometimes We cause harm especially if We have been negligent in Our duties. Part of taking responsibility though is to also give Ourselves the chance to grow from Our experience. It takes walking into the fire and learning how to navigate that space well and what to do when We miss the mark. When We get burned and burn those that come to rely on Our strength. Because Our actions can have longstanding impacts on Our s types that choose to serve Us. It takes time and grace to learn. We need to be patient with Our slaves and understanding that life is a process. You take it one day at a time. You navigate what is in front of You while planning the path ahead. The choice You make right now will build the future. Make sure You take the time to ensure You have an idea of where Y/you are heading.
I am learning to process of not rushing. I am learning patience. I am building something excellent and beyond wonderful and I am brave enough to trust inside the strength of my slave and inside of Myself. I am teaching my slave to work at trusting inside of My strength. W/we have found a lot of growth inside O/our dynamic over the last 10 days, and W/we are moving in the right direction. It may take another 2 and a half years or maybe 10, but the life W/we want is slowly taking shape. Patience and persistence.
I hope those that read my words today take heart and walk T/their journey with grace and wisdom.
Mstr J
