Good evening Cage friends,
I had intended to write this yesterday but unfortunately I was too busy with work which meant it was delayed by 1 day.
Today it hits differently.
I just walked back into My home and I am without My slave here. Mikayla is currently on her flight back to the satellite campus with 6 hours until she lands on the first leg of her journey back.
Walking into My empty home with the remnants of O/our time together can be challenging. There are dishes left over (as per My request), the placemats and utensils left on the table. There is still the scent of the delicious food W/we cooked permeating the space. I can feel her here and yet it's also very empty.
I know she will return home for the summer but that feels like a long way off at *this* second.
While I can compartmentalize there is still a "numbness" going throughout My entire body. Even parts of My attitude are feeling low and it was a struggle to go to work and try to be present. Although Mikayla did encourage Me to show up as best I could and that the folks inside My training course didn't deserve less than what I could bring.
There was an excellent opportunity during class where I had the chance to talk about anything, and the people in My group had to actively listen without word responses. I talked about Mikayla going home and because the people weren't allowed to use words to respond I got 2 minutes to express about O/our trip. Of course with where I was at emotionally I was focused on "the leaving" of My slave. When I reached the last 10 seconds of My 2 minute dialogue I was able to voice out loud the difficulty of her leaving, and I had to close My eyes and just felt her removal. It brought tears to My eyes and I just gave Myself permission to feel the weight of that moment and feel the loss of her.
It can be very powerful when you voice the words and express emotion. There is a different level when you realize something and then express it. It made her leaving "real" to Me. I had kept My composure through most of the final moments of saying goodbye but when I spoke out loud that she had gone it hit Me differently.
Now this is all very relevant because it's what I am experiencing today but since I had intended to write this blog yesterday none of what has been said was apart of the original concept for My writing today.
What I had wanted to do was pose a question.
Have Y/you ever experienced a moment where the words said were meant for a specific moment and thus lost to time after they had been spoken?
On the second last night Mikayla and I had a remarkably powerful moment together. W/we have determined to call it "Lemuring". I knew she was struggling with her imminent departure and I had wanted to speak peace to her soul.
The idea sparked from the thought process "What is the most valuable use of My time *right now*?"
I decided to wrap Myself around her while W/we cuddled on the couch. I put some soft music on and began to whisper into her ear.
The insane part is that as soon as I was finished speaking I couldn't recall anything that I had said. I knew I had spoken truth and words of deep importance but I could not remember them for the life of Me. They have been lost to time and yet they weren't meant for any other moment than that one.
But I was perplexed and asked Mikayla about what she remembered. This is what she told Me immediately after O/our "Lemuring".
"I spoke peace to My slaves soul. I acknowledged committment and connection. I expressed intention. I gave direction and purpose."
W/we continued to discuss back and forth about the merits of words, and how I couldn't find those words. W/we talked about knowing someone in their totality. How when W/we found each other and walked towards each other while there may be difficulty there is nothing but ease in traversing the obstacles and tribulations.
There have been many profound moments on this trip. This was one of them.
The next blog will go over some of the activities W/we got up to on O/our trip together. Also an insight into why W/we called it "Lemuring". There is still plenty to share about O/our latest journey together, but for now I am going to withdraw and exist inside My space with movement and music.
To those that read My words today I thank you. Have a blessed night.
Mstr J
