smile..it's not all bad..is it?

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And then I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there rude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

we  all make them

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/the-33-most-unfortunate-typos-of-all-time?utm_term=.umA5woZV8#.pg5zmKXap

Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it.

It upset me so much when I lost my thesaurus I was lost for words

Some one keeps ringing me and singing Prince Charming & Stand And Deliver down the phone, I keep telling them to f**k off but he's Adamant....

My dog can lick his own balls! ......I don't care how much he makes those puppy dog eyes at me...

Heard about the new Viagra 'Eye drops'? They don't do anything just make you look hard

Just a few jokes I like ..

my neighbour has had 35 concussions, he lives very close...in fact he's just a stones throw away

Anyone who say's Onions are the Only Veg that make you Cry has never been Hit in the face with a turnip...

My boyfriend suffers from premature ejaculation.Bad news , but I took it on the chin

Dated a blind guy the other night, but it's not going anywhere. He's a nice man and all that, not much of a looker though...

got my test results back this morning and is shocked to find I've been diagnosed with OCD. I rang the doctors nineteen times to check if they're correct.