Recently I’ve been thinking of what BDSM means and I’ve found everyone has a different notion of it. I don’t think anyone has a bad notion of it since I’m a firm believer that everyone is allowed to have their own opinion and outlook in life. As for me.. BDSM means control. I enjoy controlling situations a lot. I do know that in some parts my desire from BDSM started from very negative things. I started being interested in it from anger. I was angry at the world and men specifically. I was angry at how they only saw how I looked like and never cared about who I was inside. Even when they would think of me as a shallow bitch(I was very shallow in my teenager years) they wanted me because of my looks. So I got it in my mind to make the suffer. To whip them and tie them up and toy with them. They would be under my complete control without a means to escape. As I grew older and analyzed these emotions more I realized it was wrong. Why should I take my own issues out on someone completely innocent? At this point my outlook changed a bit. I wanted BDSM for the control. Something about having someone so much stronger than me physically bow down to me is a huge turn on. To only see me and look at me and think of me is amazing for my jealous and possessive side which I know is also an issue but I swear I can control it. Now my view is that a submissive is someone to love and cherish. I find them so completely soothing. I like fighting a lot so being around people that think like me (usually doms) it turns into a battlefield that I end winning but it ruins the relationship. Submissive on the other hand are more peaceful. They don’t want to really fight me and just want to talk and create a bond which I greatly appreciate. I enjoy talking to my subs and asking about their day and make them laugh and smile. As I’m currently very new to bdsm I tend to take a vanilla approach. I want my sub to be nice and comfortable with me before jumping to anything too advanced. I try to go at their pace and get feedback on what they want. I will push them on things that would be good for them and I won’t take no for an answer. But if it’s something they really don’t want to do I will never push. For me bdsm is about caring for each other and making the other person feel secure. I like showering my subs with compliments and make them feel secure in who they are as a person. I’m also not a fan of humiliation since I’m very about loving yourself and I feel by calling your sub a worthless slave it defeats this purpose?
i feel there’s no true way to describe BDSM. I take a more gentle approach that most people I’ve seen. I act more like a friend to my subs than their domme. When we are in a sexual scenario is when I will go domme but otherwise I’m not here to control their life. I will give them pointers like what looks better on them and that they should grow a backbone at times. For instance, yesterday my sissy mentioned buying panties and not knowing where to hide them so I told him he should hide them with his regular underwear. He proceeded to tell me that his roommate sometimes borrows his sock and shorts which are also with his underwear and that his roommate might see the panties. I was like “excuse me???” This is a behavior I wouldn’t permit. I’d tell my roommate to get his own damn things instead of grabbing mine. I don’t like people looking through my stuff and I sure as hell will never hide anything. If you look through my stuff and find something you don’t like you better not come crying to me about it cuz I’ll tell you to mind your own damn business. So I told him to either lock his bedroom door at all times or tell his roommate to get his own things. On situations like this I will control my sub since I think this is a stupid situation. Grow a backbone, fight back, you pay for your things and are allowed to do what YOU want and should have to hide your things. Part of me wishes he doesn’t follow my commands so I can punish him but I like to ignore the sadist in me and believe he will follow what I say.
I also don’t restrict my subs from doing what they love. If they like video games I encourage them to play them with me. If they like music I’ll ask them to share them with me. If they like fishing I’ll encourage them to do it and have fun at it. If they want to spend the whole day hanging out with their friends I’ll encourage them too. Even when they like doing things I don’t enjoy I’ll try them out and see if it can become a bonding moment for us. I’m a firm believer in having a happy sub so I can be a happy domme 😊 I know I should maybe at times be stronger on my subs but I don’t see a point to. So far I like the approach I take and as I keep exploring bdsm and all it offers my way might change but not my core belief of treating my subs as a friend and being caring towards them like an older sister or a mom.
