Highway to hell

My journey in life and the good and bad that comes with it. But mostly music.

Story time

4 years ago. September 15, 2020 at 4:49 PM

I pull into the driveway. God I’m so tired. Too much bs to deal at work. I get out the car and beep the alarm. He must have heard as the door immediately opens. He’s dressed like a butler. The way I’ve made him dress.
“Welcome home, Mistress” he smiles widely at me.
For a moment I’m transfixed by his smile. He’s so utterly gorgeous when he smiles. The fact I love him probably doesn’t help with my fascination. I blink him back into focus and make a growl on the back of my throat and push him inside the house.
He whimpers because he knows he has the predator now. I slam him against the wall and kiss him. Then drag him to my bedroom.
Waving a quick hi to my other slaves as they too welcome me home. They will be joining in a few minutes after they know the beast inside me is calm.
Throwing him to the bed I reach toward the chest I keep all the toys in and grab the strap on. Only this can take the edge off so I can be the calm and nice mistress for my other lovely subs.
Walking back to bed he’s already in all 4 and makes eye contact with me. He knows me too well. He knows the darkness I carry. And he will take the edge off.

I’d love some opinions. I’m not always the greatest writer when it comes to actual stories and I have a hard time conveying certain emotions at times.

Max Sterne(dom male){Morley} - Really good start!!! I like that you have your character a purpose for her behavior; motive is important (IMHO anyhow) and you keep the story moving forward without getting bogged down. Great!

Now I certainly am no artist when it comes to the written word, but I hear 2 principles repeatedly. The first is "show, don't tell," meaning when possible try to have the characters actions do the work. For example, instead of saying the character is angry have them act angry ( yell, glaring eyes, lashing out, etc). The second is the reader can not see inside your mind. So try to look at a scene from all angles to decide how best to explain it to the reader.

And if you figure out how to do those 2 things please tell me so I can do it too, lol! 😁

4 years ago

MelMell(dom female) - I was looking at the story from my own eyes. Getting home to my slave and releasing some of the aggression on him. I wanted to convey the agitation I would feel and keep the story short and fast paced.
Some actions would be easy to tell without explaining. Like how I wrote there was a lot of bs to deal with at work. We all know how that feels like. No need to even explain. I wanted to express agitation so I treat the sub a bit roughly. I like writing first person point of view because the reader can tell what’s going on the person’s mind. Third person you don’t know

4 years ago

Johnny slave sub(sub male){I'd most w} - You calmed the beast inside you, before having your other subs come to you. This particular sub was in a sense..honored to receive your initial use. The fact that he was dressed as a butler...not by matter of his own choice, but your choice in how you expected him to dress, was a nice show of your power in deciding so much in how he behaves and presents himself to you. The reality that you have 3 other subs, clearly shows your true place of Supremacy...your right to own more than one sub to please and serve you. I admire that. 🌹

4 years ago

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MelMell​(dom female)

Highway to hell

Story time

MelMell(dom female)