Stumbling through lost emotions
Hiding from tormented anguish
Abandoned from my soul mirror
Wretchedly hopeless and closed
And yet reluctantly lingering
Aching to be found
Enveloped and understood
Nourished with quiet formidable dominance
Reunited with hope, once more…
Whole…
I wrote these words from a challenge, three words where one has to make a poem using each word.
I'm not a great poet, but sometimes I do find my own words and thoughts quite starkly emotional, often times when I least realise it.
There are elements of my personal life both past and present that make me feel a little like history just keeps on repeating itself. The realisation of it comes and goes with smiles and chats, but then, the house goes quiet and I find myself wandering the vast labyrinth of my thoughts looking for something to make me 'feel'. It sounds like a sad existence, even when I read back now and try to edit my thoughts I'm tempted not to be completely honest, to paint a smile on it instead and make out like everything will be alright. But that is dangerous.
I look around my friends and see joy in all of them. There is love and hope in their lives and it's good. How can I not feel joy for them when I can see and feel their happiness like a radiant beam? Why does this radiance only seem, at times to perpetuate my lacklustre? I have my share of things to look forward to, but still inside I feel sadness about things that should have been, might have been and clearly now will never be for myself and despite my efforts, it dominates my mind.
Has this made any sense? I doubt it; a lot of my thoughts don’t these days. Therapy comes from putting it down on paper, trying to make sense of the random clutter that seems to emerge everyday. Is it a journey? A midlife crisis? Who knows?
So here I am, looking for something....
Naya x
