Here goes....

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } - Tal Naya,
You are such a special person to me. I have truly enjoyed every one of your posts and when you have interacted with me on my blog.
I have a deep respect for the place you find yourself. For me, I happened to be directed towards reading Carlos Castenada. He is certaqinly not for everyone, but his "Man of Knowledge" and the "enemies of Knowledge" concepts were truly life changing for me.

Reading you right now the following came to mind. I hope that it brings clarity and peace to you as it did me.

"“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.


Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.”

― Carlos Castaneda, The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge

Naya - Thank you for such lovely words. You are truly kind. I am always looking for something to help me be the best version of myself. How interesting to think of life’s path with a heart. I totally relate to the passages you have shared.

I also think of it this way, he was my North, my south my east my west, my working week and my Sunday best.

It’s three years since he died and I’ve emerged from the auto pilot and the depression with the reality of having to rudder my own ship. I can’t find a direction. He did that for both of us.

I Was hoping that something or someone would present itself, but Since I can’t even decide what or where I need to go, how will I ever tell anyone else?

Much love to you xxx

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } - Oh do I understand that feeling. I truly do. I think, for me, remembering im still a reflection of those who have shaped me helps. I know who I am and what I do needs to be an honor to them.... so in a way they still guide me, even when I'm not directly led.

Naya - That is true, I shall add that to my thoughts x

Cello Master​(dom male) - It is hard for us all to find our way in this world... Sometimes we need cathartic events to happen in our life to point us in the right direction… Or feelings of desperation. I’ve had plenty of those. But those dark hours are the ones that brought about the greatest revelations in my life of what to do and where to go. May you find comfort and healing… May you find what you’re looking for my friend

TheLG​(dom male) - Be like a Sea Otter ... if you're afloat with no land in sight.... lay on your back and soak up the sun and see what life brings your way