Apologies in advance, this is a little bit of a 'cross post'. Don't want to be seen as one of those 'Angry Dom' types!
Rejection is a bitter pill.
For me it has always been very hard to take, and it has been one of my aims on this journey to develop a thicker skin. I'm glad to say that I now have, at least in some places, skin as thick as a rhino's hide. You have to have courage on the approach, and more so to state your aims honestly, The coverage however, is not complete and I recently received a very sharp blow into an unguarded area.
Revealing my desires to others was previously impossible. I saw them as being too weird and alien, something that would earn me disrespect and even fear from those whom I only wanted closeness from. I had kink shamed myself; the feeling was grim and ever present, like a film of oil covering what should have been crystal blue waters.
Learning how to tell someone what I want, who I am, has been so very hard. When I have met others that can accept these things, whether they share my particular niche or not, it has felt so refreshing, so free, that I'd become accustomed to that sensation. When things didn't work out it was due to differences that were understandable, justifiable, and amiable. I could move on without negative baggage and perhaps even with new friends. Such a wonder; simply to be able to discuss adult situations calmly with adults.
Today was my first "kink shaming" from within the community. Though I would like to believe it as partially accidental, it still hurts.
I suddenly feel like I'm back at the start of my road again in some ways - though in my heart I know this is not true, its just an instinctive reaction. I conditioned myself so well...
I'll endure it and learn from it. I just can't currently understand it.
This isn't a situation where something was rushed, or where my advances were unwanted. I was the one to be approached by a friend who was more than aware of my position and chose to engage with me. I had not made any advances myself. Had any of this not been the case, I'd put it down to overloading someone with desires or what have you, something understandable. Fortunately for me, I'm cautious about developing with someone and so I often clarify my position to ensure I'm on the same page. Something I'd done before with this person with no issue, though admittedly more detailed this last time. No doubt I broke the fantasy that they had been working on; something that wasn't aligned with me but perhaps they felt I'd come to adopt in some way.
Their reaction made me feel like the lord and master of all creeps. I felt dirty in a way I have not for a while. Suddenly they were looking for something different, I was talking a different language. I was so shocked I had to go back through previous discussions just in case I'd had some sort of lapse in sanity, and somehow had gone off on a nutty tangent. Unfortunately not. I had been clear from even before being approached in a sexual way, and had mentioned it again from time to time without triggering a panic.
No doubt a bubble was burst, but a friendship will survive, and jokes might be had in the future - far off though it needs to be as I feel right now. I just needed to vent to a potentially interested audience 😄 I'm not looking for sympathy - I already know that you guys will come through on that! Just friendly listeners.
I know being a sub is hard; too many predators out there that are attracted by that vulnerability, and trust is hard to come by once burnt. Its also a real challenge as someone trying to share a complex and potentially off-putting control desire with others and have it work for both people. Its good for us to know that we all are working damned hard to try and find the right people for us and have slip ups along the way...
