Here is one that I know may be a sensitive topic, but I feel strongly that it has to be said. Perhaps some reading it might take offence, even take it personally. I assure you I have no one specifically in mind, and if these words hurt or inspire defensiveness, then ask yourself instead why is this so?
There are many aphorisms that come to mind when thinking of this particular topic:
People that live in glass houses should not throw stones
Let him who is without sin cast the first stone
The pebble in the brook secretly believes itself to be a precious stone
Ok, ok... a lot of them seem to be stone-based so I went with it. One of the things I see on my travels, and this is true here as it is true elsewhere, is entitlement. To me, in my own unimportant and unremarkable opinion, this is perhaps one of the least attractive facets that another human can possess. The outrageous and highly arrogant assumption that anything is due to you without having to earn it first. Of course, there are things that I think should be universal - respect, kindness, compassion, but these aren't things that particular people deserve or not, they are qualities that we should all try to hold on to in order to make the world better, and given as plentifully as we can without hurting ourselves.
This is entitlement of a different, pernicious, and selfish sort. That for some internal/external reason - one that is supposed to be evident to everyone else, but instead is often as visible as a penny in the Mariana Trench, a person holds themselves to be fantastic and desirable above others. Regardless of one's relative attractiveness, wealth, and/or success, one is owed nothing based on that. There are many people in the world that are one or more of those things and are deeply awful human beings. Meeting a specific criterion that you might value, and that others may limply value too, does not meet any preconditions that others need to show subservience or awe to. Being 'X' does not automatically enter you into a secret society that means others have to approach with head bowed.
Nearly anything of value requires effort, and any connection with another human certainly falls into this. If that work is one sided, it will merely be like a house with a single wall, nothing more than a facade, draped across a yawning space behind. Anyone that comes into this thinking "well, I'm so much better than this other person; they need to earn my attention, my time is so more valuable..." is only going to create an unsatisfactory relationship for themselves.
Whether this is friendship or something more intimate, the imbalance will mean that at some time, the unfair division will cause a collapse of the relationship. Ether the 'junior' partner will get fed up of having to do more work, or the 'senior' partner will feel the 'junior' is too meek in allowing themselves to be steamrolled After all. isn't the 'Senior' partner worth someone better who will be more 'equal' to them? Yawn. It is an irony that the only people that can put up with this sort of nonsense for any amount of time are people that cannot meet the long term need for the entitled to find someone of their 'own level'.
Love and connection are not gifts of the universe. They are not predestined and their success is not guaranteed. They are work. Long, often not glamorous, dirty work. Each day, you need to find reasons to choose that feeling and that person, to not let momentary fancies take away from the value of what you have. A person that thinks they are 'pairing down' is far less likely to be doing this vital self maintenance, and far more likely to spend their time trying to monkey branch. Can these people ever be happy? Who knows, I'm not one of them and cannot speak for them. I'd suspect not though...
In my time looking to meet the right person, I have been exposed to entitlement on a shameful scale, and I must admit some naivete in not expecting this in advance. I have looked everywhere, on so many platforms and places, irl and online. The number of people shooting themselves in the foot with arrogance is sad to behold. "You must have this [thing] to get my attention", "I only date people who drive an X", "I expect you to do all the chasing", "I expect to be spoiled", etc.
Yuck.
All these people are doing is helpfully warning others to give them a wide berth. The poor souls that engage with them will be used, abused, and treated like the third person in a two person relationship. Then they most likely will get left behind for the new 'one'; the new relationship to be trumpeted on social media with an utter lack of self awareness and compassion for the 'terrible ex'.
Newsflash: there is no 'one' for you. What utter arrogance to assume someone out there was made to meet your needs and desires. Doesn't this poor 'one' get any say in what their desires are? Children covet selfishly, adults instead should build together.
Person A and person B come together, based on a spark of attraction yes, but also by the openness and possibility of crafting something beautiful with someone else. With an open heart and an open mind. Getting with an entitled person is like moving into to a swanky new place but finding out after all your beautiful brickwork came dangerous wiring, no plumbing, and the only quality furnishing being a giant mirror your partner uses exclusively.
PSA: don't be the entitled person from above. Accept that we are all no better in connection than those we choose to connect with and instead we should try to build fairly with a friend/partner so that what is made can last a long time and meet the needs of both. Don't be that person that has a long list of exes, all of whom were the 'instigator' of troubles in the many relationships, while sweet and innocent you barely did anything wrong... We hear those tales, and we know you.
Please understand this comes from a place where, in my own small way, I'm trying to increase happiness for all, and not from a vindictive place. I think the kind of people I described would find lasting happiness so much sooner if they dropped that wall of condescension, and in talking about it that is my hope. Yes, my language is strong, such is my disappointment upon seeing it play out, but it is not meant to be a scarlet letter. People can and do change.
