I want to make sure I haven't given the wrong impression about my former Master. Our D/s relationship is over. But he didn't hurt or abuse me in any way. He is a beautiful, wonderful man. He treasured me and helped me to grow in innumerable ways.
Our relationship is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't regret anything about who we were. I regret letting him down, hurting him, pushing him away. I wish I had been stronger or more knowledgeable. I wish I had understood myself better, understood my own needs better. I wish I had known before that I couldn't breathe without him. That he was my world. I should have known but I was scared and I pushed him away.
I came back, but it was too late. The trust, the bond, the love had been closed off. All that is left is an offer of friendship and a possibility for the future. I still don't know if we can find our way back.
So yes, I am in pain. But it is my fault. I caused the divide. My Master is blameless. He just doesn't want me back- and I cant really blame him for that. So I will learn about myself and get stronger. Get friendships to become a more well-rounded person. I will regain my balance. I will be ok.
