7 months ago. Nov 8, 2021, 6:08 AM
First I'd just like to apologize because I tend to be a very blunt and honest person. I don't sugar coat things very often. So if anything I say here offends anyone, that's not the point. It's just to help explain the "ghosting" issue from another perspective and possibly help some subs on here.
I also just want to re-iterate that I understand that there are some terrible people out there, and will start things off very rude, or ask for inappropriate things right away. I'm not talking about those people here, what I'm about to say here only really applies to the decent humans out there who are genuinely trying to talk to people, and why even those people might "ghost" you.
1: ONE WORD RESPONSES
There are many reasons a person might "ghost", but the first (and probably biggest reason) that this might happen when talking to a seemingly decent person, is one sided conversation. I assure you, that for every "ghoster" you've had, the person that ghosted you has had two incredibly boring conversations. One word responses, really short, or delayed responses etc...
I'd argue, that for males in places like this, short or days in between responses is WAY more rampant than ghosting. I know that for myself, I won't reply to one word messages. I know most guys won't either. If you want a good conversation, then take part in one (that applies to everyone cause I'm sure it happens to females as well). There's a huge difference between giving a speech, and having a conversation with someone. I really don't like giving speeches, so I won't reply to one word responses.
2: FORCED OR INCREDIBLY CLICHE CONVERSATION
This one I could be a LITTLE lenient on, as I know some people are incredibly shy, and as long as it's mentioned in their profile, or they let me know this is something I can deal with. I know a lot of people can genuinely struggle with conversation and that's totally fine. But having forced conversation for any other reason is a massive turnoff. It would seem a little obvious but it seems to go right over some peoples heads.
What I mean by forced conversation, is the "How's the weather" type conversations. Of course there's cliches that can't really be avoided when talking with someone new, but outside of names, locations, interests and other important information, just responding to someone for the sake of responding is almost as bad as one word messages.
- "Hey how was your day?"
- "Fine, yours?"
- "It was ok. Kind of boring"
- "Hope it get's better"
- "Me to."
I completely made that up, but I bet you've had this exact conversation, or something incredibly similar and it's painful to go through. I personally wouldn't want to be a part of this, but would tough it out in case it got better, if something like that carried on for too long I would express my disinterest and move on.
3: HONESTY / OPENNESS
This one might vary depending on the nature of the conversation or relationship. This point might apply to some and not others, but either way it IS a reason that someone might ghost you.
This point covers a few different things but being honest about your intentions, current actions, and anything that might affect the person you're talking to is a huge game changer for some people. I'll give a personal example:
I met someone here not too long ago, and she was amazing! We were having a great conversation and both expressed an interest in one another after a couple days. Wanted to know more about each other and the conversation was moving forward. After a day or two, this same person that I was talking to made a blog post about having played with someone online that night, and it caught me off guard, because I didn't know the person was talking with others in the same manner, or was interested in others.Of course, I didn't respond and a few days later they asked why I had quit talking to them.
This might separate some of you readers, some might not see a problem with this, but being open and honest about things, especially when you're talking with someone you're interested in IS a huge deal.
4: TOO MANY PEOPLE
This might not bother some people, as there are a very large number of people here just looking to meet and talk with as many people as they can, and that's great! There's lots of good and knowledgeable people here. I personally know a lot of them. But just keep in mind, if you're one of those people make sure you've made that very clear on your profile your intentions and that you will talk to many people.
You also have to keep in mind, that talking to too many people at once can and in most cases will lead to the one word responses mentioned above. No matter who you are, you won't have the energy to respond to dozens of people while also remaining interesting. There's nothing wrong with not responding to someone until you have the energy to give the conversation some actual attention. I do this myself.
Bleh... I hate typing, so I'm done now lol. I just wanted to list a couple things that might help give some insight into the other side of "ghosting" and why it happens so often. In short, if you want to have interesting conversations and not get ghosted:
1: Show interest in the conversation (no one word responses)
2: Don't force conversation. If you don't want to talk, or don't have much to say, then mention that and go about your day.
3: Be open / honest about your intentions and actions so there's no confusion
4: Try to limit yourself in the number of people you talk to at any given time. You're just one person, you can't spread yourself TOO thin.
I also just wanted to acknowledge that even if you follow the above guidelines you'll still get ghosted a time or two, it can't really be completely avoided as there are just some terrible people out there. But if you keep these things in mind and follow them you'll get ghosted a LOT less....