07/04/2020 *
Today has been non-stop since my feet hit the ground! It is Saturday and that is when I usually have the time to clean. So what did I do all day? Clean! My bathroom, bedroom, living room, kitchen. Did laundry, folded AND put it away, and did all the dishes. I even made dinner! Homemade hamburger helper.
Sir was with me throughout the whole day (as much as one can be over the phone). We did a lot of new things today. We took a shower together and we both pleasured each other. However, it was more than that. It was intimate and made me feel pampered. He had me recite the poem I made for him and we both came by the end of it. We almost did penetration for the first time but I wasn’t quite ready. My body wanted him inside me but my mind didn’t. I want our first time...my true first time… to be special. Symbolic. He respected that decision and I couldn’t feel more cherished.
I found out that he likes to help me fold the laundry. It is a bonding moment for him. It was very sweet. Throughout my cleaning, Sir wanted me to make a list of rewards and punishments to give him an idea of what I liked and didn’t like. Then during dinner, he gave me some suggestions to improve the meal next time. Shredded cheddar cheese. My grandmother agreed and I have decided to use that next time.
Today also had some deep moments. Today is the 4th of July. When I was younger, this used to be one of my favorite holidays because my whole family would get together. My grandfather would spend hundreds on fireworks and put on a grand show for us. He and I were very close back then. He would always be home for the holidays. However, as the years went on he started missing them. Then when I moved up north, he stopped showing up entirely. This holiday doesn’t mean what it used to anymore. Now I prefer to spend it alone, at home, in silence. Don’t get me wrong, the fireworks are pretty but now I just hate the sounds. So, tonight, Sir offered to cuddle with me while listening to music instead of celebrating. My dog doesn’t like them either and stayed by my side for two hours while I was cleaning. When I told Sir, oh my, he did the sweetest thing! He said, to my dog, that he knew I didn’t like the fireworks either and both of them would protect me! I practically melted!
Sir bought me not one, but TWO gifts today!! He bought me the prettiest collar. He said he thought it was made just for me. It is black leather with a wolf pendant on the front and a belt buckle on the back to adjust for size. I love it! He also bought me my first ever set of lingerie. Black lace is my favorite. They should be here next week along with my first ever toy. I’m quite excited. He left me an allowance of ten dollars to buy something else with. I was thinking of either a new book or a new stuffed animal. Not sure yet.
Tomorrow, I get a break day. For us, break days will allow us to be us and not Dom/sub. I believe break days are very important. Especially for me. I have ADHD and sometimes can get in what I call “crash moods”. I spend every hour of every day going and going and going and then, usually on the weekends, I crash and want silence, space, and food. That’s about it. We established that on break days, I could ask for companionship if I wanted it, and if I did not then he would check in every few hours. Tomorrow, I am going to go to church. I don’t usually get the urge to go but something in me says I need to be there tomorrow. In all honesty? I am having a rough time coping with the loss of my best friend. We had a sermon at church a few weeks back about letting people go. There was a passage where the son told his father that he wanted his inheritance and his land and wanted to leave. Instead of challenging his son, the father let him go. Every day, he watched the road and prayed for his son’s health but he never went after him. Then, one day, the prodigal son returned and the father welcomed him with open arms. What about the ones that don’t return? What do we do then? How do we go on? Perhaps my pastor can enlighten me. Perhaps there is something I am meant to hear tomorrow. We shall see.
I also found the gift I had made for the friend I lost. Of course, I find it after we are no longer friends. I have decided to send it out on Monday with a letter. I had it made for him so I am not going to keep it but it will be a small bit of peace for me. To know that I gave it to him and that he might wear it even though we didn’t work out. I will miss him but this is for the best now.