Wow, it has been a little over ten months since I last wrote something on here! A lot has changed since then.
I just finished my junior year of college and have gained experience in my field of study. I have spent the past ten months wrapped so wrapped up in school that I haven't had much time to reconnect with myself. I'll be honest, during that time, I have noticed something was missing.
My partner and I originally started of in a D/s dynamic but with work and school, those roles have been completely relaxed and only interacted with occasionally. We are currently separated by location and have been for quite a while. It is incredibly hard for me. I am a anxious person when I am alone for long periods of time and, of course, Covid doesn't help in the least.
I'll be honest, I have very little physical experience in my Submissive role but the experience I do have has taught me one thing. I crave it. I have been putting it aside for a while now but I want it. I want the peace, the silence, that comes from kneeling before my Dom. Focusing on his needs and doing my best to please him.
I have ADHD and it is not easy to quiet all the thoughts in my head or my constant need to control myself and my surroundings. I live my life with rigorous scheduling. My activities, thoughts, and behaviors are planned and monitored every second of every day. I have tried medication to help with it but each medication caused serious medical scares, so I have to regulate it in other ways. With scheduling and monitoring. It is hard to explain but having someone I trust step in and take the control from me, to put me in the position to really let go? It is bliss. That loss of control quiets my mind in ways that I can't. I miss that peace and I want it back.
