Rambling randoms

So in my previous blog i mentioned that i had been doing a bit of soul searching about my future, And literally a few days later i get my answer from the most unlikely of sources, hence the blog title :D

So a little bit of background, I was trying to work out where my future should lie, I have been feeling broody as of late I`m getting older and time is not being kind, I have Diabetes, high bloody pressure, High Cholesterol and have been suffering from depression ever since diagnosis. I hate having to take medication, Mainly due to seeing so many of my childhood heroes die from becoming addicted medication, I know my tablets are not painkillers which is the main cause for those people`s premature death`s, But its stayed with me and now i hate taking pills of any kind. So it`s affected my usual happy go lucky attitude.

I`ve also become quite good at hiding this, I don`t really talk to people about my feelings, So i try to appear positive in front of people, But i do snap sometimes and becoming a bit of an ass it doesn`t last long but still It`s not how i want to be, I like being the person everyone can come to for having fun and a laugh and I want to get back to that asap.

So anyways there i was deep diving into Youtube again bored out of ma tree 😄 And i come across a video entitled. HOW I SAVED HER LIFE: DIABETES STORY TIME (T1D)

So i watched this video and It wasnt the story that got me, It was how the couple interacted with each other the looks they gave each other, I was like damn thats what i wan`t, I want to look at someone like that and be looked at like that. So i hopped onto their main page and started from the first video 3 days later i have watched all of their video`s I smiled,I laughed heck I even cried. But they talk about many things, quite a lot of things that i felt, About Depression and Mental Health and being happy being who you are and who you want to be.  

So now Im all like screw it i want to be me, Im not giving up finding someone within the BDSM community who i can maybe have a future with. Yes i want it all why should anyone settle for half of what they want, not when the whole is out there just waiting to be found. 

So from now on a more positive outlook on life is a given, I can`t do anything about the diabete`s so just take whatever i need to take to keep it in check, Start looking towards my future and get back to being my old bloody self :D

Been doing a lot of soul searching recently, I work on my own in the middle of the night and I have way too much time to think Ggrrrr it`s a curse and a blessing i have the best job ever but has it`s slow times lol.

Thing is for the first time in my life I`m thinking i want a kid stupid youtube video`s tugging on my heart strings Ggrrr I`m sooo getting old I used to laugh my ass off at kids falling over walking into things now I`m like Omg hope they ok. I`m getting broody or the male equivalent which i suppose is still broody lol

So i know to have a child i need to start dating again and everything that entails, Problem is I dont know if i will find what im looking for in the BDSM scene, yes i could date within the community. but ya got the whole having to go through that side of things before you even get talking about the other side of it all, if ya know what i mean. And im getting old and i dont want to wait too long so im bouncing my brain back and forth over what to do.

Not really asking questions here by the way for anyone reading this more getting my thoughts down, In for me what is a safe enviroment to be able to speak on such things, I could do it on paper but i write like a doctor lol And thats what blogs are for really getting your thoughts down i suppose :)