Waiting.. I dislike waiting. I'd even go so far as to say I have a mild hatred of waiting. Often times it feels wrong. Unnatural. And to a degree, it is.
Waiting is a learned behavior. It's not something humans are born with, nor any other animal species that I'm aware of. Waiting does not inherently improve survival, and thus does not get passed on as a born skill. There exists at least one psychology study that has focused on the concept of waiting, using the phrase, "delayed gratification." Children most often do not have this skill in their early years, and will overwhelmingly choose to have a piece of candy now over a whole bag of candy later. The basic needs of survival encourage the individual to fulfill their need NOW, and ignores the potential fulfillment in the future. In a wild and uncivilized setting, indeed, fulfilling the need with the opportunity now would have a higher survival rate.
Now as we grow older, we learn to concept of waiting. Many struggle with it, as it goes against basic survival instincts. Food now vs food later. Drink now vs drink later. Wait for food until we get home. Finish your task before water. I know in my childhood I struggled with these and felt things would make much more sense in the other direction. I'm thirsty, and my focus is on my thirst, and not whatever task I've been assigned to complete. I'm hungry, and all I can think about is my next meal. And yet this concept of waiting gets in the way. A concept that only works under the condition that a later fulfillment can and will occur. A child who is told to wait and then they can get a drink but never gets the chance, or one who passes up food now on the promise of food later that ends up enduring discomfort for food later that doesn't happen or doesn't fulfill the need: neither of these children will easily understand and cooperate with being told to wait.
As an adult this concept is far easier to understand with higher levels of thinking and brain development, yet can still pose a struggle. Gambling addicts spending their money on tickets in search of more money now, unable to wait and save that money to have more money later are a common example of this struggle. Many adults are able to financially handle themselves and lead financially stable lives barring any major unforeseen circumstances. Yet just as many, if not more, are unable to think past the end of the week. They receive their paycheck, spend what they have to on bills, then spend everything else on whatever they want at the time, only to run out before their next paycheck and suffer through those next few days.
Those philosophical examples are just a small sample of the concept of waiting though. On a personal level, I don't like waiting. If there's a large crowd by the elevator, I'll take the stairs. If the restaurant is busy, I'll start looking for other places to go. If someone is walking slowly in front of me, I'll see if I can pass them.
Waiting feels wrong. Intellectually that feeling can be suppressed yet it remains. A very basic level of instinct telling me that waiting is dangerous. That to remain still is to be in immediate peril. A sense of panic can rise up and wrestle with the sense of reason. And yet as an intelligent creature as our species has so claimed itself to be, through the miracle of self control these instincts remain manageable.
Waiting has uses, times and places, yet here and tonight I won't be going in to those. I'm tired and ready for bed, so instead of waiting and elaborating, I'm wrapping up and going to sleep.
You're keeping me waiting. I understand the reasoning behind it, and I agree. I still don't like it, and I know myself to be very petty. So if when the waiting is over you decide to move forward, when we reach that point you give yourself to me, I am ready. I will accept all of you, make you mine, and treat you such that you will wish you hadn't waited so long.
I'm petty,
ready,
and waiting.
End of Waiting pt 1- The concept and the reason.