I find myself thinking about what I want every now and then. It's a normal process for me, kind of like a spring cleaning of my goals. I look at my old goals, and determine if they are still goals I want to achieve, or if they are goals to set aside or remove. It's not a quick process. It's not a long process, either. A few weeks or so usually lets me wrap up the gist of it, and then I can make smaller adjustments as I go along. And that's what I've been doing for the last few days, is mulling about those things I want.
I want to live. Not just being alive, but actually experience life. I want to experience many different things, and many of those things over and over. I want to relish in my ability to go places, spend time with people, see things, hear things, feel things.
I want a home. I have my own place, an apartment. It's much better than my previous living space, living with my parents to save on those hefty rent expenses. I want a home that I can make just so, a home I can choose to change without worrying too much about what the owner of the space will say. All within the zoning laws and code for safety of course. I want a home I can fill with things I value, a home I can raise my daughter in, a home I can make memories in.
I want to raise my daughter to experience the best life she can. I want to show her as much of the world as possible, taking her on trips, exploring many new skills together, teaching her to walk her own path with confidence.
I want a career. A job where I can go to work and feel I've contributed with my efforts of the day. A place where my coworkers treat me with respect, and my managers or supervisors treat me like a person. A place I can go to for several days a week, put my effort in, and then come home. Coming home is one of my favorite parts of the workday. Not because I resent the work, but because home is where I'm most comfortable and coming home means feeling safe.
I want a wife. Not just a girlfriend, or a kink partner, or a friend with benefits. I want a woman I can put my full trust into. Someone I can love, who loves me in return. I want someone who can love my daughter and see her for the wonderful yet sometimes frustrating person she is, someone who can help guide her in this rocky world as she grows into an adult capable of finding happiness. I want someone who I can share my roughest troubles with, someone who can support me when I'm needing it. I want someone who shows consideration and helpfulness, intelligence, kindness. I want someone who can join me on the roller coaster of life, someone who can scream with their hands in the air at the exciting moments. Someone who I can hold close and be held close in return. I want someone who I can shower with my affection in all my silly or over the top romantic ways. I want someone I can cuddle with on the couch while we both do our own thing.I want someone who helps me be a better me.
I want the strong trust of a BDSM relationship. It means as much if not more to me than a wedding and ring, and I want it all. I want a woman I can share my desires with, someone who wants me to share those desires with them. I want those moments of service, the quiet yet powerful moments of simple service that speak volumes of care, of attention, of trust. I want those experiences of trust being built as we explore gradually further into the relationship, strengthening that trust and knowledge of one another. I want those sexy outfits worn and the fun activities to be had in them: photos, bondage, wax play, pet play, sex.
I want the physical intimacy. I want to kiss my partner, not just a quick peck but a full kiss. I want to touch them, to have my hands wander over them and explore their exquisite curves. I want to feel their reaction when I find a good spot, to hear their body reacting in pleasure from just the right stimulus. I want to pleasure my partner, and I want them to pleasure me. I want to have sex and plenty of it. I frequently find myself horny, and I want a partner I can share those desires with. I want to bring them to climax, and then do it again.
I want many things from my life. I'm going to keep working towards them, every step I can. Hopefully I'm heading in the right direction.
