The feeling of being so vulnerable & having no control is addicting. It's more than the utter pleasure someone can give you when you are tied, bound or shackled that is a high all by itself. The most addicting part for me is the way in which a Man can completely consume my mind. Nothing else is quite as powerful as having your thoughts freed completely. Your mind becomes so invested in listening & feeling & the bliss of anticipation that you cannot think or multi~task like you can during Vanilla sex I guess,
"What should I cook for dinner?"
"Damn I've run out of clean panties, I need to put a White Wash on"
" Does my car need Petrol"
I apologise for every encounter I've had with a Man in a Vanilla kind of way. Don't feel bad, I've had some fantastic sex in my life, some
Meh
Ok
Good
Faked it ( I'm sorry but if you think you haven't had sex with a Woman who faked an Orgasm you're delusional, no matter how much she said it was great & earth shattering)
Great
Enjoyable
So good
Excellent
And........ This man knows his way around a Woman's body
All of the above have applied.
The difference between BDSM & Vanilla are world's apart though. I've written mental shopping lists during Vanilla sex. I'm sorry to any egos I'm hurting right now but ladies am I wrong?
This brings me to the topic of this blog, Addiction. If you are a Submissive or Slave who is in a relationship with a Dominant or Master you'll get it. If you just have sessions once in a while, play dates (I'll never think of those words quite the same now, thank goodness my kids are teenagers who arrange their own social lives😳) or a few days here & there casually with like minded people, this will make sense. I've done the online version, that was shocking to me & I'm not talking about the idiot who I wrote my first blog about, who would have thought an Online relationship could work? Certainly not me. The person I am referring to blew my mind. He has a knack of knowing how to fine tune my body in a way in which I didn't know existed. He is methodical, he thinks 10 steps before me, he pays so much attention to the little details, that I could easily feel as if we were in the same room. He got into my head very quickly & we're not talking about an older man with years & years of experience. He's a regular guy, a little older than me, who does have experience but not 30 + years. He has a Family, a Career, almost bordering on 2 Careers, he has a life is what I'm trying to say. He doesn't sit on his ass all day & research the topic or copy & paste comments to me. This Man is in my head. He didn't need permission, he didn't even ask (how rude 😆) he got me on a level that shook me to my core. We are so compatible it's scary. Also, for the record, don't judge, yes he's married but so are 60% of people on here. He has a good & happy life. He loves his Wife, adores his Family, is very focused on his Work, there is just a side to him that isn't sated. Not many Husbands & Wives do this together. If anything, this keeps his Personal life stronger for being able to enjoy & explore this side of himself with someone who is far enough away than is easily accessible. It's Our safety net. The 2 things are very seperate. Very.Its addicting though, he's addicting. The online relationship works wonders & I didn't know that was even possible. How can a man 1000's of miles away turn you on in a Vanilla sense, never mind in BDSM? Dick pics? Uh nooo. It's his imagination, his logical planning, his need to be sated so he knows what he needs, he knows what he needs from me & the act of Submission is very, very natural. He has had me in tears, he has had me in an unconscious state. No~one I've ever met has been able to turn me on over the Internet, so in a dynamic like this, it's rare, so, so rare. Out of all the 7 Billion people in the World what's the chances of meeting someone that compatible?
So real life, real time, my experience on this side of things is utterly consuming in a different way. There is no way you are with a good Dominant, Male or Female, that doesn't clear your mind from every single thought apart from the situation you are in. It's just not possible. It's my new addiction. I am addicted to the feeling of not having to think for myself. My mind forgets everything, even my own name I'd probably struggle to say. Where is the next strike coming from? What is being used on me? How quickly will that pain turn into bliss? Why can't i hear anything? Damn where did that come from? What is causing that overwhelming sensation? That's the addiction for me. I love my body being used in such a way that I cannot think of a single thing apart from what is happening between me & Mr X. The room doesn't exist, my life doesn't exist outside of that room, my body is on such a high nothing in the World exists but my thoughts & feelings being inflicted on me.
There's then the addiction I am learning of loss of control outside of the physical.
" You're not having sugar in your coffee anymore"
If someone spoke to me like that in every day life I would put double in. I know what you're all thinking if you've got this far
"The poor Dom who gets her has his hands full"
Yes he does. I however have stuck to that & will not have sugar again in my coffee, I don't need it. A little like being told (several times)
"No you don't need to cum"
When I want to scream "Yes I f*****g do"
It's the addiction of doing as you are told & a sense of accomplishment you feel when you carry it out. Nothing pleasurable comes out of "pretending" when you aren't with the Person who gave you that command. You follow it through, you change whatever the action because your chemical reaction to that instruction wouldn't exist if you cheated & put that sugar in all the coffees you have when you're not with that person.
Lastly the addiction of feeling the burn, the pain of your time together. It's a reminder of what was the best hour or two where so much serotonin (aka the happy chemical) was flooding your body that in that time you would have said & done anything you were told to do. Anything. It's the Power another person can have over you which in the right, capable hands is tremendous & mind boggling to me.
So I now have a very real, genuine need for BDSM, it's my new addiction, I doubt they'll ever be another that tops it.
