It I know this is personal, but I am trying to find people to under me and what I am going through. (I also want people to know why I am so depressed and cranky. I do believe that sex puts endorphins that create a moment of relief and possible contentment. I wouldn’t say direct happiness, because sex to me is more forced, anxiety and at times very awkward. I understand why people drink first. I feel that sex with someone is the ultimate connection with them. It’s like fitting puzzle pieces together. It’s even harder to fit people together with their kinks matching.)
I have not had what I feel is sex in over 4 years. . . (when a guy penetrates, grunts and is done is NOT sex. It’s greedy if only the guy gets to get off. Or hand jobs in a car at the end of the date is not sex either, it’s just a teasing, quick release . . . it’s like a pec on the cheek instead of a kiss on the lips.)
There better be turning me on, LOTS of foreplay and I better orgasm three times for the guy’s one orgasm. The thing is when I orgasm I really get wet, and I do NOT need lube. (A guy will NEVER penetrate me without me getting wet first. If I am not wet, then I am not into them. Kissing, making out, grinding, is huge for me.)
Anyway, I have not had sex in four years. (I had dated and was in a half-ass relationship with a guy over my age limit and he tried but only complained about back pain, which was good because I was cramping.)
Anyway. . . I have fibroids and endometisos (both are female issues that are in the pelvic area.) However whenever I try to orgasm, I end up cramping for around days (and I have not found a man or woman worth the pain as pain is a turn off for me. When I am pain, I am very grouchy, even my own family calls me the bear.)
Vanilla or kink, it makes dating for me very hard as most people expect sex. (I have had people say that they are not looking for sex, but once they read my blogs or get in to the perverted mode, that all gets thrown out the window. Please just be honest, even I enjoy sex with the right guy and I’m not in pain.)
The problem is even the other day, I was stressed, and I was trying to get some release . . . I tried to get in a frisky mode and get myself off. I know a few spot in which once I am in a naughty mode, I can quickly get off just by rubbing that perfect spot (which men never seem to find. LOL). I forced my feeling simply to get release, and I guess I was just too greedy. I had hit that magical spot and felt the my pussy tighten. . . you know that moment where your body gets all tense just as the orgasm builds the few moments just before you explode . . . and my caves got extremely tight just before a charly-horse and that bad tension went up both legs. . . my thigh muscles were solid and painful. Then when it was supposed to hit orgasm. . . it felt like a pounding lighting went down my legs and up my back at the same time. The pain was so intense that I could barely breathe. I had no release just pain.
I have told several doctor that I have issues with painful sex and they just do NOT care. . .
I try to write about this, but at times erotica is just a huge tease. (It’s like look what I can’t do.)
I feel like a failure because my body does NOT work right.
Majority of the subs on these sites just think the only way to satisfy a dominant is sexual. I just want a heterosexual guy who is submissive and into me (not just because I am dominant, but because they really like me and that we have a connection. Or at least a reading friend (female or male) who I can talk about writing, sports, cooking or cats with.) Why is this so hard?
