I miss my computer right now. I let a friend borrow it and I'm still waiting....grrr. anyway, typing on a phone is meh. I could recite my blog, but I don't have privacy. I can't even video chat with my boyfriend without my mom trying to get into the conversation....grrr.
I want to find those to chat with online for now .. maybe local friends down the road. However I keep getting submissives who want an instant domination or those who think they can dominate me.
I am a natural dominant, and I'm amazing at dominating and micromanaging. I've learned that dominance is a huge trust type of relationship and does NOT happen over night or even just after a week of chatting. (Even being friends with me, does not happen over night..I'm sorry, but if you cannot handle me at worst, then you do not deserve my best.) However the last seven (technically the last 15 years) plus years have messed up my head. I've been trying to put the pieces back together. It's a long process.
Sexually, the person who has turned me on in the last seven years is my boyfriend. (Even when we were on break: my characters were inspired by him, and when I tried to date this other guy, I had to picture my current boyfriend to get off. I really do have a physical type....but the truth is I've never had a connection with anyone else like I've had with him. One of the things I love about my boyfriend, is that he is not just submissive, and he challenges me. However I am not a switch for anyone but him. Submission take alot of me, but it helps me truly understand domination.)
I don't mind chatting about it, but I refuse to dominate anyone at this time. I cannot simply dominate. Someone should not simply dominate. I also cannot handle a mindless submissive. I'm demisexual which means I need the connection, and I'm sapiosexual which means I'm drawn to intelligence. They need to get to know each other for the best connection and best submission type of relationship. They need to have trust and understanding between both parties. I enjoy the submissive who want to please and help make the dominant's life better. I'm not into the instant or mindless submission who want directions for everything. I'm a very complicated person submissive sexuality doesn't drive or please me. I feel like I'm going in circles..
At this time in my life, I need friends. I need someone to chat with and someone who likes similar interests, but they need to understand I'm open-minded (meaning I'm not afraid to talk about everything any anything... I am dirty and kinky minded.) However I have mental issues .... PTSD (one of the reasons I'm dominant is that I was raped.), I'm in a bad living situation which causes issues in my depression and social anxiety. I'm getting help on it, I'm piecing myself together, but it's taking time.
My hobbies: writing, blogging, reading, cooking, baking, walking, cats, shopping, and coloring. I'm looking for someone to chat with....not just a submissive.
I do plan to post more stories once my writer's block goes away.
