Yes this is real it is me I'm not infallible.
Just thought I'd share, again I'm contacted my hopes arisen in something that is missing from my life and this is what it does to me and my self worth. So with respect to those out there if you contact me and I reply answer me and if your just doing it for a laugh just don't bother.
"Alone"
I'm in a room its filled full of people all of which I know.
But alas I feel isolated my ego, pride, personality, intellect and general self feels lonely.
"Heat"
My body is warm it radiates outward warmth soaks warmth from all others sources.
But alas I'm cold inside almost frozen dead I'm shivering.
"Peace"
While I am utterly alone by myself just me and my thoughts there is calm in the chaotic world of me.
But alas my thoughts turn dark a morbid track kicks in I begin to invert my dreams I forget to hope.
"Dreams"
Some nights I sore I fly higher than gravity I drift through the galaxy from star to star smiling, laughing at nothing more than wonder.
But alas other nights I'm haunted by my past the things I've done the things done to me and the things I did at the lowest points of me.
"Sexualization "
I'm a sexual person I like what I like I love my kinks the light and the dark, I love how in control I am the games I play to the fantasies my mind displays.
But alas I hate how I'm attracted to certain things like taste, texture and feel I'm excited, scared and petrified sick of it so I shun and hide that side of me.
"Me"
I live a positive life I try hard to do good I pride myself that I'm accepting of other peoples choices its their life I think I'm being the better me I smile I don't frown I laugh I don't show scorn.
But alas that's my ultimate mask its a front that I have learnt to show I'm not fixed I'm not well my mind is broken still I've dealt with my demons fought the feelings I have but still I feel nothing.
"Feelings"
I'm happy at times those are great there my joy I hunger for those moments for while there inside me I fly while awake.
But alas these do not last because I've lost my joy I seek I search but never do I find gone is the emotion that once kept me bound.
"Others"
Their are those around me that keep me sane help stay within the safety of connection pull me to belong.
But alas I hide from them they see less than half of me my kinks I hide my thoughts I don't share my feelings I don't confide I keep the weakness away from them I am not who I say around them I don't lie to them I just hide from them.
"Future"
I can see the brightness that golden light of life the smiles of family I hear the laughter of youth and smell wonders of growth new and old.
But alas I fear my thoughts as I think, feel, believe with everything that I was that I am and what I will be that I don't deserve it that happiness is not mine to have that my penance is eternal my punishment isn't over my past is not paid for and never will be.
"Human"
I am human I am real I see I touch I breathe I have thoughts I have arms and legs I climb I walk I run I jump.
But alas I think of this one final thing should I do these things should I live a life should I exist.
To everyone play safe.
J